The definition I hear most often of a soulmate is someone who you click with so much to the point where you agree on so many things. You share the same taste in movies, in music, in art, in food etc. really they are a person you have so much in common with. That is, the definition that is most touted but in my opinion I am not sure if that should be the actual definition.
What is described above, I would call a soul-twin. I wouldn't call them a soulmate for a number of reasons. First and foremost when someone shares so much with you it is inevitable that you will share much more than what you know to be good, they will often share the bad too. A soul-twin would share your strengths and also your weaknesses, to be so similar you would both exhibit the same behaviours. That isn't necessarily a good thing. I have met several guys in my life who I have clicked with on that level. One in particular which is at the heart of one of the longest chapters of my life. I clicked with him on so many levels, we shared not only the things we choose but also the things we don't. His childhood, where he went on holiday, his family etc the similarities at times were quite freaky, there were several moments of "oh my God me too" as we got to know each other.
The problem is, unless you are perfect - and let's face it, no-one really is - then you can never be with someone who is your perfect equal. Some will argue with me here and that's fine, it may just be me who thinks this. This guy above I mentioned, I would never and could never be with him, not because of anything that happened but simply for the fact that we are too similar, it could never work. Do not get me wrong I regard him as one of my closest and dearest friends.
A soulmate, in my eyes should be seen as someone who completes you. They should be the North to your South. Their weaknesses should be your strengths and their strengths should be your weaknesses. You would share some things, shared interests and above all else love one another. The rest is superfluous. You shouldn't aim to find someone who is your twin, like the pieces of a jigsaw opposites fit together to form a piece of a larger picture.
Unwritten Words
I am a writer. In hobby more than anything else, although I would like to make a living out of my hobby I make no effort to pursue it as I do not have a passion to pursue it. I write when inspiration hits me, movies, books and most often music or when things happen in my life that fill me with emotions and feelings that I can neither fathom nor confront leaving me with the only alternative - that is, to write in order to vent the pent up emotions locked away within me.
Beyond this blog you read I also write for my own private amusement. Most of this I would share although there really is no rhyme nor reason to those writings. There are several stories which I started to write but never finished, some have only a chapter and others have thirty or forty pages. Then there are the FanFic pieces, these I assure you I will never share as they are highly embarrassing, the longest being around two hundred pages loosely based on the Stargate SG-1 series and its fictional Universe.
The unfinished stories perhaps to me are the most interesting, not only for the potential they still hold but for the reasons they were never finished. For you see, they were not abandoned out of procrastination not where they abandoned out of lack of motivation. No, the majority were abandoned for another reason. I write best when I write from experience. There are certain themes that follow through within my stories and there are certain themes that time and again once confronted come to nothing. By this I mean I can not write what I have not experienced and as for imagination mine is only limited to dreaming up scenarios that would never or could never happen. When realism or reality in general are confronted I cannot imagine how things would be.
Love is a key theme perhaps the greatest of all the themes that poses a barrier to me. I have been in love with many people, some in an amicable way while others have and remain to be in a truly amorous way. There are a few people I truly love and at one point or another I would have been with if I had the chance. Of all these people though I have consigned myself to the reality that it will never happen, for some of these people that means if they ever asked, despite the depth and profundity of the emotions I feel for them I could never be with them. There in lies my literary problem. In all that I have experienced I have never experienced loving another and them loving me in return and the two of us being together. I have experienced reciprocal love, to love another and have them love you in return, but I have never been with someone in a relationship, in a commitment, living together and because of this I cannot write about these themes in a way that is believable, neither to you the reader nor to I.
Before I close this post I must make one final mention and that is of the stories that are lost. There have been stories I have written, finished to their ends which have then been lost. One or two were genuinely lost out of carelessness, reformatting CDs, USB drives or Hard Drives before realising that those stories were actually on them. Others however were not truly 'lost' but rather 'purged'. They are stories which I wrote and then deleted, for whatever reason. Some touched too closely on personal issues, others were written as a form of self-therapy, and some were deleted simply because my opinion of them later changed to something quite negative. I have moved away from this purging mentality, there are some posts on this blog, short stories included that I considered deleting but I have thus far resisted. Old habits die hard however and I have been tempted more so of late.
Beyond this blog you read I also write for my own private amusement. Most of this I would share although there really is no rhyme nor reason to those writings. There are several stories which I started to write but never finished, some have only a chapter and others have thirty or forty pages. Then there are the FanFic pieces, these I assure you I will never share as they are highly embarrassing, the longest being around two hundred pages loosely based on the Stargate SG-1 series and its fictional Universe.
The unfinished stories perhaps to me are the most interesting, not only for the potential they still hold but for the reasons they were never finished. For you see, they were not abandoned out of procrastination not where they abandoned out of lack of motivation. No, the majority were abandoned for another reason. I write best when I write from experience. There are certain themes that follow through within my stories and there are certain themes that time and again once confronted come to nothing. By this I mean I can not write what I have not experienced and as for imagination mine is only limited to dreaming up scenarios that would never or could never happen. When realism or reality in general are confronted I cannot imagine how things would be.
Love is a key theme perhaps the greatest of all the themes that poses a barrier to me. I have been in love with many people, some in an amicable way while others have and remain to be in a truly amorous way. There are a few people I truly love and at one point or another I would have been with if I had the chance. Of all these people though I have consigned myself to the reality that it will never happen, for some of these people that means if they ever asked, despite the depth and profundity of the emotions I feel for them I could never be with them. There in lies my literary problem. In all that I have experienced I have never experienced loving another and them loving me in return and the two of us being together. I have experienced reciprocal love, to love another and have them love you in return, but I have never been with someone in a relationship, in a commitment, living together and because of this I cannot write about these themes in a way that is believable, neither to you the reader nor to I.
Before I close this post I must make one final mention and that is of the stories that are lost. There have been stories I have written, finished to their ends which have then been lost. One or two were genuinely lost out of carelessness, reformatting CDs, USB drives or Hard Drives before realising that those stories were actually on them. Others however were not truly 'lost' but rather 'purged'. They are stories which I wrote and then deleted, for whatever reason. Some touched too closely on personal issues, others were written as a form of self-therapy, and some were deleted simply because my opinion of them later changed to something quite negative. I have moved away from this purging mentality, there are some posts on this blog, short stories included that I considered deleting but I have thus far resisted. Old habits die hard however and I have been tempted more so of late.
Time and Timelines
Time, in itself is a fascinating subject but an aspect of time is the concept of a time line. A line from two points in time. Point A and point B. Our lives can be viewn as a timeline with point A being our Birth and point B being the depressing antipode of that.
Although part of the inspiration for this post, I'd rather focus on the concept of a timeline in general, not just the Facebook feature.
I am 23 years old. My timeline however long it may last will be at least 23 years. While we may look to the future at times, looking to the past can be just as interesting. On this blog alone which I started in April, my personal attitude has changed a lot, my writing style varies at times, what I think about and what I chose to write about and share is just as varied. I went back on Facebook a few years to a point in my life that was turbulent to say the least. For the most part I did not recognise the person I saw in those posts. I remember the pain and the heartache the laughter and the joys from that time in my life but the mentality I must of had when writing some of those posts alludes me.
For those of you who are friends with me on Facebook, before you go searching I would simply say these posts are now gone. I have deleted them. I have deleted them for one reason alone: We do not remember every thought we ever hold, we only remember those that are important to us. There was a time when I would have left all there in place and allowed myself to refer back to them to see my whole story but I have come to realise that this perhaps is not healthy. If you think about it, the fact that our minds do not remember ever single thought we ever hold, in itself is reason enough. Our past is important as it helped shape who we are but we should not live within it.
Social networking sites make it easier than ever, ironically, to make it harder than ever to forget your past. Should we remember everything? Is it wrong to forget things and "edit" your past? When we are cut our bodies heal, most scars fade with time and wounds can become such that one would never know they were there. If our Body and Mind have evolved to the point where only the deepest of cuts and the most emphatic of memories stay with us then why should we not take the same approach to our lives?
I have Facebook and I have Twitter and in both cases I have never gone back through my timelines and re-read all that was there. I worry that the generations that grow up with Facebook a part of their life from a young age will one day use it in such a way that causes them great sadness or pain. It is one thing to recall the conversations you shared with the one you loved, who no longer loves you - it is another to go back and read those words in black and white. The mind greys our memories, sharp words become blunt and the detail fades; with technology recalling every character in perfect clarity an innocent message, triviality, mundane day to day events can become so emotional. With technology the shards of glass stay sharp forever more.
I am from a generation that is a hybrid, between old ways and new ways, between off-line and on-line, a generation of transition. I wonder how those who know nothing but new ways will cope when their every moment is presented to them. Will the day come when Facebook timelines of some profiles have 'black-holes', gaps in time where all posts that remind them of a time of turmoil are purged?
Then what about timelines as wholes, when they cross, when people meet. I like to share a quote with people, "Once you have met me you'll never forget me" - these words are not my own, they are the words of another, a guy that I will never forget for many reasons, but after all these years now I have to question this quote. It may indeed be true, once you have met me, you will never forget me, but is that the way it should be? For some people I have met I do have to wonder if, some things, should be forgotten.
Although part of the inspiration for this post, I'd rather focus on the concept of a timeline in general, not just the Facebook feature.
I am 23 years old. My timeline however long it may last will be at least 23 years. While we may look to the future at times, looking to the past can be just as interesting. On this blog alone which I started in April, my personal attitude has changed a lot, my writing style varies at times, what I think about and what I chose to write about and share is just as varied. I went back on Facebook a few years to a point in my life that was turbulent to say the least. For the most part I did not recognise the person I saw in those posts. I remember the pain and the heartache the laughter and the joys from that time in my life but the mentality I must of had when writing some of those posts alludes me.
For those of you who are friends with me on Facebook, before you go searching I would simply say these posts are now gone. I have deleted them. I have deleted them for one reason alone: We do not remember every thought we ever hold, we only remember those that are important to us. There was a time when I would have left all there in place and allowed myself to refer back to them to see my whole story but I have come to realise that this perhaps is not healthy. If you think about it, the fact that our minds do not remember ever single thought we ever hold, in itself is reason enough. Our past is important as it helped shape who we are but we should not live within it.
Social networking sites make it easier than ever, ironically, to make it harder than ever to forget your past. Should we remember everything? Is it wrong to forget things and "edit" your past? When we are cut our bodies heal, most scars fade with time and wounds can become such that one would never know they were there. If our Body and Mind have evolved to the point where only the deepest of cuts and the most emphatic of memories stay with us then why should we not take the same approach to our lives?
I have Facebook and I have Twitter and in both cases I have never gone back through my timelines and re-read all that was there. I worry that the generations that grow up with Facebook a part of their life from a young age will one day use it in such a way that causes them great sadness or pain. It is one thing to recall the conversations you shared with the one you loved, who no longer loves you - it is another to go back and read those words in black and white. The mind greys our memories, sharp words become blunt and the detail fades; with technology recalling every character in perfect clarity an innocent message, triviality, mundane day to day events can become so emotional. With technology the shards of glass stay sharp forever more.
I am from a generation that is a hybrid, between old ways and new ways, between off-line and on-line, a generation of transition. I wonder how those who know nothing but new ways will cope when their every moment is presented to them. Will the day come when Facebook timelines of some profiles have 'black-holes', gaps in time where all posts that remind them of a time of turmoil are purged?
Then what about timelines as wholes, when they cross, when people meet. I like to share a quote with people, "Once you have met me you'll never forget me" - these words are not my own, they are the words of another, a guy that I will never forget for many reasons, but after all these years now I have to question this quote. It may indeed be true, once you have met me, you will never forget me, but is that the way it should be? For some people I have met I do have to wonder if, some things, should be forgotten.
A New Challenge for January
To celebrate January and the beginning of 2012 I have decided to do another Challenge series. For those of you that see this is a cop out to content creation, I actually have a tonne of posts in draft but none that I think I want to share at this time.
Instead, I have decided to do another 30 day challenge, this one isn't like the others though, there are no titles to be met or questions to be answered. There is a single recurring theme for one month that all 30 posts will share. January will be "30 Days of Funny" + A final summary post on the 31st including a Youtube playlist link to all 30 videos. I will create a post every day devoted to a comedian, a TV Show, a Youtuber, Sketch show etc all of which meet one requirement: I have to find it funny. Some shows and comedians may feature more than once for different reasons.
I already have a short-list of sketches, shows and TV moments lined up, but if you would like to introduce anyone or anything to me, please go ahead and I may feature it in the challenge, or even in the Summary post where no doubt I will mention others worthy of note that didn't make it to the short-list.
Posts in the next few weeks may be scarce as I am busy with Christmas Frivolity and I have much to do. I will most likely post before the new year, but if not, then Merry Christmas and a Happy new Year to all!
Instead, I have decided to do another 30 day challenge, this one isn't like the others though, there are no titles to be met or questions to be answered. There is a single recurring theme for one month that all 30 posts will share. January will be "30 Days of Funny" + A final summary post on the 31st including a Youtube playlist link to all 30 videos. I will create a post every day devoted to a comedian, a TV Show, a Youtuber, Sketch show etc all of which meet one requirement: I have to find it funny. Some shows and comedians may feature more than once for different reasons.
I already have a short-list of sketches, shows and TV moments lined up, but if you would like to introduce anyone or anything to me, please go ahead and I may feature it in the challenge, or even in the Summary post where no doubt I will mention others worthy of note that didn't make it to the short-list.
Posts in the next few weeks may be scarce as I am busy with Christmas Frivolity and I have much to do. I will most likely post before the new year, but if not, then Merry Christmas and a Happy new Year to all!
All Debts Shall Be Repaid
The jaws of life close around his heart
Piercing the flesh in the name of art
The blood spills and stains the ground
Yet he endures the pain without a sound
Falling down onto his knees
The only word he spoke was please
No mercy was shown to the thief of fire
An eternity sentenced in which he shall mire
Play with fire and you will get burned
Lest ye not forget what is give is returned
In this world we live one thing is true
Be careful my friend of what comes back on you
Nothing we take is ever free
A solemn truth this will always be
For no matter how long the creditor shall bay
Thy debts incurred you will have to repay
Here in these lines of rhyme
A message so hidden will clear in time
I am not a creditor I do not loan
But I have sat aside heaven's throne
I entrust my soul to a higher power
One present in my light and darkest hour
By his hand all will be made right
In the glory of the day and the dead of night
Piercing the flesh in the name of art
The blood spills and stains the ground
Yet he endures the pain without a sound
Falling down onto his knees
The only word he spoke was please
No mercy was shown to the thief of fire
An eternity sentenced in which he shall mire
Play with fire and you will get burned
Lest ye not forget what is give is returned
In this world we live one thing is true
Be careful my friend of what comes back on you
Nothing we take is ever free
A solemn truth this will always be
For no matter how long the creditor shall bay
Thy debts incurred you will have to repay
Here in these lines of rhyme
A message so hidden will clear in time
I am not a creditor I do not loan
But I have sat aside heaven's throne
I entrust my soul to a higher power
One present in my light and darkest hour
By his hand all will be made right
In the glory of the day and the dead of night
If you could take a pill . . .
This question is often posed with various scenarios at play "If you could take a pill . . ."; as a gay man perhaps the most common put to me is "If you could take a pill to make you straight would you take it?" and my reply is usually no. I am quite happy with my sexuality, it is the way I was born and the way I will stay. The second most common perhaps for me personally would be "If you could take a pill to fix your Nystagmus, would you?", with that I am not so sure. My first response would be no. If I was going to take it I would need 100% certain without a doubt guarantee that it would be permanent and could never revert otherwise the possible scenarios aren't pretty.
A relatively short blog post this, I just wanted to throw the question out there. Every day we develop new drugs for various things, so I would like to turn the question round to everyone out there. If you could take a pill to change one thing about you, permanently without any chance of reversing the effect, what would you change and why? or why not?
A relatively short blog post this, I just wanted to throw the question out there. Every day we develop new drugs for various things, so I would like to turn the question round to everyone out there. If you could take a pill to change one thing about you, permanently without any chance of reversing the effect, what would you change and why? or why not?
People are confusing
I have heard many straight guys say that women are complicated. Equally I have heard many straight women say that guys are complicated. I am yet to have a lesbian confirm that they find women complicated but as a gay man I can honestly say that guys are complicated.
We are all complicated when it comes to relationships. I can honestly say as a gay man, being a man myself gives me absolutely no insight or better understanding of guys when it comes to relationships. People are just complicated in love.
Psychology is a fascinating subject for me, and one thing that has become clearer the more I learn is that when emotions are detached and only logic is involved our every action can be predicted our every thought etc but as soon as any degree of emotion is involved the books go out the window and it is anyone's game.
Our behaviour is predictable to the point where people like Derren Brown can perform cringe-worthy magic tricks such as his knives and cups game. A game involving several down turned paper cups on the floor under two there is a knife and under one a live mouse and under the rest, nothing. A subject is shown, in Derren's absence which cups the knives are under and the mouse. Then Derren, guided round the room and working only with the subject who has been told to give nothing away, he proceeds to stamp with considerable force on each cup one by one. Without 100% certainty in the subjects behaviour there would be a very real chance of an impaled foot. Of course there is no real danger as our behaviour is completely predictable to the point where the trick ends with 3 cups surviving each being a cup one would not want to squash.
Going back to the subject of the post, as soon as any degree of emotion becomes involved we become irrational people we do unreasonable things and ultimately become unpredictable. All this results in you or I [many times in my case] ending up with a head spinning like a Dreidle at Hanukkah. Unfortunately I am not immune to this observance. I am after all human, and subject to all the same quirks as everyone. I know from experience that I can be unpredictable when any degree of emotion is involved, all sense of logic and all manner of conscience as to what you should and should not say is discarded and I say and do things that are probably not in my best interest. The truly frustrating thing? Even though you know this, and you are aware that you do it, you can't help yourself. Our hearts override our heads when any degree of emotion is concerned. I guess the point I am trying to make is that regretting actions or words in these scenarios is a behaviour controlled by your mind, whereas the actual event was controlled by your heart.
You should never feel regret in your mind for something you said or did caught up in the moment, your mind will treat it as something it thinks it could have prevented and you can vow never to do it again but in reality when the scenario presents itself again, you will likely take the same action, regardless of the thoughts you had after the last time - up until the point where you detach your emotions from the situation and treat it as something entirely logical. However, what is love or indeed life, without emotion? If you feel no emotion at all, then are you not dead inside?
We are all complicated when it comes to relationships. I can honestly say as a gay man, being a man myself gives me absolutely no insight or better understanding of guys when it comes to relationships. People are just complicated in love.
Psychology is a fascinating subject for me, and one thing that has become clearer the more I learn is that when emotions are detached and only logic is involved our every action can be predicted our every thought etc but as soon as any degree of emotion is involved the books go out the window and it is anyone's game.
Our behaviour is predictable to the point where people like Derren Brown can perform cringe-worthy magic tricks such as his knives and cups game. A game involving several down turned paper cups on the floor under two there is a knife and under one a live mouse and under the rest, nothing. A subject is shown, in Derren's absence which cups the knives are under and the mouse. Then Derren, guided round the room and working only with the subject who has been told to give nothing away, he proceeds to stamp with considerable force on each cup one by one. Without 100% certainty in the subjects behaviour there would be a very real chance of an impaled foot. Of course there is no real danger as our behaviour is completely predictable to the point where the trick ends with 3 cups surviving each being a cup one would not want to squash.
Going back to the subject of the post, as soon as any degree of emotion becomes involved we become irrational people we do unreasonable things and ultimately become unpredictable. All this results in you or I [many times in my case] ending up with a head spinning like a Dreidle at Hanukkah. Unfortunately I am not immune to this observance. I am after all human, and subject to all the same quirks as everyone. I know from experience that I can be unpredictable when any degree of emotion is involved, all sense of logic and all manner of conscience as to what you should and should not say is discarded and I say and do things that are probably not in my best interest. The truly frustrating thing? Even though you know this, and you are aware that you do it, you can't help yourself. Our hearts override our heads when any degree of emotion is concerned. I guess the point I am trying to make is that regretting actions or words in these scenarios is a behaviour controlled by your mind, whereas the actual event was controlled by your heart.
You should never feel regret in your mind for something you said or did caught up in the moment, your mind will treat it as something it thinks it could have prevented and you can vow never to do it again but in reality when the scenario presents itself again, you will likely take the same action, regardless of the thoughts you had after the last time - up until the point where you detach your emotions from the situation and treat it as something entirely logical. However, what is love or indeed life, without emotion? If you feel no emotion at all, then are you not dead inside?
I don't want the Flu, I want you!
Oh how I hate, I hate you,
Nothing more than the common old flu,
You make me feel so weak and tired,
Drowning in water that I have perspired.
Wrapped up all warm and rosy,
I snuggle in bed with my covers all cosy,
Yet I still feel cold, no matter what I do,
Oh how I hate, I hate the flu.
There is little left, no other choice,
Swallowing lozenges to save my voice,
Doctor Doctor can I please have some drugs,
And from that special guy can I have some hugs?
Hug Me Hug Me, Hold me tight,
So that my dreams can be peaceful tonight,
I feel on top of the world when I'm lost in your arms,
Just one smile and I'll succumb to your charms
Nothing more than the common old flu,
You make me feel so weak and tired,
Drowning in water that I have perspired.
Wrapped up all warm and rosy,
I snuggle in bed with my covers all cosy,
Yet I still feel cold, no matter what I do,
Oh how I hate, I hate the flu.
There is little left, no other choice,
Swallowing lozenges to save my voice,
Doctor Doctor can I please have some drugs,
And from that special guy can I have some hugs?
Hug Me Hug Me, Hold me tight,
So that my dreams can be peaceful tonight,
I feel on top of the world when I'm lost in your arms,
Just one smile and I'll succumb to your charms
A Hero to Me
Hero n. A person noted for feats of courage or nobility of purpose, especially one who has risked or sacrificed his or her lifeThere are very few people I would idolise or even deem worthy of the title Hero. I would not be one to attach it to people in history that I have never met and I would certainly not be one to attach it to celebrities and the like. To me the heroes in my life are the people I know who do great things, people who I admire and look up to.
There is one person in particular to me who is a Hero, we went to school together and in that time I never heard him say a bad word against anyone. He has never wronged me and he is quite selfless. Sometimes I think he worries about others too much but the paradox there is that he has always been there for me when I needed him and if he didn't care for others the way he did he might not have been. I have strived to be there for him when he needed me and provide the help and support he asks for. He is one of my closest friends and I think he knows I would do anything for him.
Beyond my selfish little world there are many things he has done that in my eyes warrant the title of Hero. The first and foremost however and the reason for this post is his choice of career. In my regards the title of Hero I think extends beyond him to every man and woman who follows his career path. He is a fireman.
He knew from a young age what career he would eventually want to pursue, and while many of us probably dreamt of the idea of being a fireman among other things, with most people the novelty wears off with age. It takes a special kind of someone who is willing to devote their lives to this job. They don't do it for the glory and they don't set out to be heroes, most firemen you will meet are quite humble in their work. The thing to me that makes them heroes is the fact that in their jobs they could die, they know this, it is a very real risk, yet they put that aside and set out to save lives. No-one wants to die, but to be prepared to put your life on the line, even sacrifice that life so that others may live is the most noble thing I believe anyone can do.
He is a hero to me. As is everyone who follows his profession. I would also regard Ambulance drivers and Paramedics as heroes too but I will devote a separate post to that in time.
Classic Games: Casper [PSX]
There are many Games that I really like to play and there are a handful which are my all-time favourites. This game falls into the latter category. The Game is called Casper and was released on a few platforms, PSX, 3DO, and Saturn. The Game is quite respectably linked to the 1995 Feature film: Casper which was also one of my all-time favourite movies. The version I played with most was the PSX version, however I have played the other two, there are a few improvements in the Saturn version which I would say make it better, but the Game world at large remains identical.
The game takes place in Whipstaff Manor, Maine. Casper the friendly ghost explores the Manor solving puzzles. The main game mechanic involves Casper finding the missing pieces of portraits throughout the mansion. There are various power ups that can be collected, items that will help you on your way and logic puzzles for you to solve. The first puzzle is simple and forms in essence a tutorial or training section, from the main foyer of the Game you can only explore a limited area of the Mansion at first. During this exploration you find a weight and a bucket, among other things. All four pieces of the first portrait can be found here. The Game gets progressively harder and becomes less and less linear.
The Game is split into 4 main acts. Act 1: Find tokens of friendship, mirrors the opening of the Movie in which Casper, a friendly Ghost who lives - or rather haunts, a Mansion with his 3 uncles: Fatso, Stinky, and Stretch, must find attempt to befriend Dr. Harvey and his daughter Kat. Dr Harvey is a "Therapist to the Dead". Whipstaff Manor which was at one point the home of Casper and his family when he was alive, has been passed on to Carrigan Crittenden, after the death of her father. A spoilt money hungry vile woman when she finds the Mansion haunted she tries everything to get rid of the Ghosts including attempting to knock it down, eventually her last hope is Dr. Harvey. The Game begins after Dr. Harvey and his daughter's arrival. Other than Casper himself there are no characters present in the game except his 3 Uncles.
This Game can be incredibly challenging, some of the logic puzzles are fiendish, one or two of the hidden paths and switches in the Game are hidden quite Sadistically. If you have ever played this game, the path leading North out of the Hedge maze into the East Wing of the Mansion is one prime example of Bastardry. I will not say where the solution to that particular path is hidden but suffice is to say when I first found it I felt so pissed off with the Game Programmers, it was a slight jaw drop "You're fucking kidding me" moment. Before solving that puzzle the wicked and wild solutions my mind had dreamt up as possibilities were unreal. The major difficulty factor in this Game is that once you progress beyond a certain point the Game is almost entirely open, you can go anywhere through any of the routes in the Mansion solving many puzzles criss crossing back and forth. The Mansion has many doors and paths which are locked, require certain coloured keys, require certain switches and secrets to be found, power-ups to be collected etc before they can be followed. This game will test your memory a much as it will your logic ability.
I would rate this Game 8 out of 10. I would be impressed if you managed to finish it, of the few rare people I know who have actually played it none have managed to finish it.
The game takes place in Whipstaff Manor, Maine. Casper the friendly ghost explores the Manor solving puzzles. The main game mechanic involves Casper finding the missing pieces of portraits throughout the mansion. There are various power ups that can be collected, items that will help you on your way and logic puzzles for you to solve. The first puzzle is simple and forms in essence a tutorial or training section, from the main foyer of the Game you can only explore a limited area of the Mansion at first. During this exploration you find a weight and a bucket, among other things. All four pieces of the first portrait can be found here. The Game gets progressively harder and becomes less and less linear.
The Game is split into 4 main acts. Act 1: Find tokens of friendship, mirrors the opening of the Movie in which Casper, a friendly Ghost who lives - or rather haunts, a Mansion with his 3 uncles: Fatso, Stinky, and Stretch, must find attempt to befriend Dr. Harvey and his daughter Kat. Dr Harvey is a "Therapist to the Dead". Whipstaff Manor which was at one point the home of Casper and his family when he was alive, has been passed on to Carrigan Crittenden, after the death of her father. A spoilt money hungry vile woman when she finds the Mansion haunted she tries everything to get rid of the Ghosts including attempting to knock it down, eventually her last hope is Dr. Harvey. The Game begins after Dr. Harvey and his daughter's arrival. Other than Casper himself there are no characters present in the game except his 3 Uncles.
This Game can be incredibly challenging, some of the logic puzzles are fiendish, one or two of the hidden paths and switches in the Game are hidden quite Sadistically. If you have ever played this game, the path leading North out of the Hedge maze into the East Wing of the Mansion is one prime example of Bastardry. I will not say where the solution to that particular path is hidden but suffice is to say when I first found it I felt so pissed off with the Game Programmers, it was a slight jaw drop "You're fucking kidding me" moment. Before solving that puzzle the wicked and wild solutions my mind had dreamt up as possibilities were unreal. The major difficulty factor in this Game is that once you progress beyond a certain point the Game is almost entirely open, you can go anywhere through any of the routes in the Mansion solving many puzzles criss crossing back and forth. The Mansion has many doors and paths which are locked, require certain coloured keys, require certain switches and secrets to be found, power-ups to be collected etc before they can be followed. This game will test your memory a much as it will your logic ability.
I would rate this Game 8 out of 10. I would be impressed if you managed to finish it, of the few rare people I know who have actually played it none have managed to finish it.
Dr Winnifred Strausse and the Time Vehicle
We begin our story in the year 3142, we join Dr. Winnifred Strausse, an esteemed fellow at Ruby University, Mars. Dr. Strausse has been working for several long and arduous years on a project that one day might change the world. That project seeks to enable Time Travel so that Man can better understand its past and foresee the faults it has created in its future in an attempt to prevent them rather than cure them.
Dr. Strausse's research is not without controversy, many an activist group has expressed opposition to Time travel and called for it to be made illegal before it has even been made possible, arguing that Man should not have such power. The most influential activist group in opposition of this research are the Collective Chronological Conversationalist Consortium, aptly named C4, whose methods are rather more drastic than that of their less extreme friends.
Dr. Strausse's research is complex, and as part of the ongoing development she heads a team of PHD students, 7 in all. Unbeknownst to her however within that 7 lies Alistair Cauldon, known to her as a Physics Major but known to C4 as their most valuable asset, a mole. Alistair has used his position well to deliver endless volumes of research material to C4 as well as schedules and agendas for all of Dr. Strausse's movements.
Our story begins late in the progress of Dr. Strausse's research. After years of study and design a prototype Time Vehicle has been created. The Vehicle resembles a Helicopter, however it is egg-shaped with the absence of rear blades. The overhead blades spin at great velocity, beneath them a generator is used to create a field around the vehicle, the blades then lift the vehicle into the air. At the centre of the vehicle lies the heart of Dr. Strausse's research, the Flux Capacitor. The first manned test flight is planned for launch the following day. Present in the flight test will be Dr. Strausse and two of her research team. As of yet all tests of the time vehicle have been forward through time, it is argued that any backwards test would have to be far enough not to coincide with the existence of the vehicle, or any of its occupants as the consequence of the two meeting could not be known without more research.
The first manned flight would follow the convention of forward motion, with a small target of only one week planned. However, the night before the testing Alistair and his comrades of C4 chose to enter Dr. Strausse's lab and sabotage the Time Vehicle. They chose to set the coordinates to a place on Earth where Dr. Strausse and her team would not likely be able to return easily, the time they set would be over one thousand years into the past, 1,130 to be exact. It took great effort and many hours of work for Alistair to reprogram the console of the Time Vehicle to display the intended target coordinates and mask the true destination, but with focus and determination he succeeded.
The next day all went according to plan, Dr. Strausse set the coordinates, checked and double checked them along with all remaining pre-flight checks. Everything appeared in order. Dr. Strausse was accompanied by two PHD students, Sarah James and Matthew Connor. The flight began, and proceeded as expected, the blades accelerated and the Vehicle was engulfed in a ball of white light and in a moment there was nothing. One week passed and the Vehicle did not arrive on schedule. Another week passed and then another until finally one month had passed and the experiment was declared a failure. The University called the event a tragic accident and after much political pressure shut down its research project. The activists goal had been achieved. Another week later as the lab had been packed up and all the research papers and backups had been placed in archive boxes, C4 once again struck the University. In one night a fire unlike any the University had ever encountered raged throughout the entire Northern Campus consuming all in its path, including Dr. Strausse's lab. All information pertaining to the project was lost with no hope of return. The remaining members of Dr. Strausse's research team dropped out of University shortly after and chose to retreat into lives of reclusion, hounded by the press and berated by the families of Dr. Strausse and the two PHD students that had accompanied her the found it hard to find peace.
What happened to Dr. Strausse then? Exactly what C4 had planned, she and her team were sent back to the year 2012 and found themselves on Earth, in the heart of Tioman Island in the South China Sea. Fortunately the Vehicle had landed in the heart of the forestry where Dr. Strausse and her team could conceal it well. After much deliberation there was little they could do. They knew that the Vehicle had been tampered with and they could not risk using it again. Upon inspection Dr. Strausse's only logical conclusion was that the console had been tampered with, it would require reprogramming, unfortunately not a single computer in existence would be able to interface with the console, the physical connections did not exist and it would take some time to create them from scratch that is, if they even knew how. Of the three Matthew was the most experienced when it came to Computers and engineering but even he did not understand the technology enough to recreate it. They were stuck. The Vehicle itself was not even capable of true flight over great distances. It would have to remain on the island. As for the team itself, after much deliberation again it was concluded that they should remain on the island, as it would not be prudent to leave the vehicle there to be found.
The first few nights were rough, the team slept in the vehicle as best they could and lived off what little rations they had taken with them. It was not yet clear if it would be safe to approach the locals. On the second day the team had agreed to decosntruct the time vehicle. The started with the flux capacitor which would in the end turn out to be their salvation. The capacitor's core was coated in diamond, the only substance hard enough to withstand the pressure that was generated. It was the lavish expense that would later be bartered and exchanged for a considerable amount of money, enough to set the three team members comfortably to remain on the island. Dr. Strausse opened a small library and taught the local school children how to read English. Sarah and Matthew eventually married and had several children, the oldest three of which where told the truth about the Time Vehicle and where it could be found. As those three children grew and had children of their own the secret of the Time Vehicle was passed down from generation to generation. There were only ever three people at any given time who knew of its existence and its location. It was not until several hundred years later in a tragic plane crash that the three keepers of the secret perished and existence of the Vehicle was lost. There in the heart of Tioman Island the Time Vehicle slept for centuries, undisturbed.
Dr. Strausse's research is not without controversy, many an activist group has expressed opposition to Time travel and called for it to be made illegal before it has even been made possible, arguing that Man should not have such power. The most influential activist group in opposition of this research are the Collective Chronological Conversationalist Consortium, aptly named C4, whose methods are rather more drastic than that of their less extreme friends.
Dr. Strausse's research is complex, and as part of the ongoing development she heads a team of PHD students, 7 in all. Unbeknownst to her however within that 7 lies Alistair Cauldon, known to her as a Physics Major but known to C4 as their most valuable asset, a mole. Alistair has used his position well to deliver endless volumes of research material to C4 as well as schedules and agendas for all of Dr. Strausse's movements.
Our story begins late in the progress of Dr. Strausse's research. After years of study and design a prototype Time Vehicle has been created. The Vehicle resembles a Helicopter, however it is egg-shaped with the absence of rear blades. The overhead blades spin at great velocity, beneath them a generator is used to create a field around the vehicle, the blades then lift the vehicle into the air. At the centre of the vehicle lies the heart of Dr. Strausse's research, the Flux Capacitor. The first manned test flight is planned for launch the following day. Present in the flight test will be Dr. Strausse and two of her research team. As of yet all tests of the time vehicle have been forward through time, it is argued that any backwards test would have to be far enough not to coincide with the existence of the vehicle, or any of its occupants as the consequence of the two meeting could not be known without more research.
The first manned flight would follow the convention of forward motion, with a small target of only one week planned. However, the night before the testing Alistair and his comrades of C4 chose to enter Dr. Strausse's lab and sabotage the Time Vehicle. They chose to set the coordinates to a place on Earth where Dr. Strausse and her team would not likely be able to return easily, the time they set would be over one thousand years into the past, 1,130 to be exact. It took great effort and many hours of work for Alistair to reprogram the console of the Time Vehicle to display the intended target coordinates and mask the true destination, but with focus and determination he succeeded.
The next day all went according to plan, Dr. Strausse set the coordinates, checked and double checked them along with all remaining pre-flight checks. Everything appeared in order. Dr. Strausse was accompanied by two PHD students, Sarah James and Matthew Connor. The flight began, and proceeded as expected, the blades accelerated and the Vehicle was engulfed in a ball of white light and in a moment there was nothing. One week passed and the Vehicle did not arrive on schedule. Another week passed and then another until finally one month had passed and the experiment was declared a failure. The University called the event a tragic accident and after much political pressure shut down its research project. The activists goal had been achieved. Another week later as the lab had been packed up and all the research papers and backups had been placed in archive boxes, C4 once again struck the University. In one night a fire unlike any the University had ever encountered raged throughout the entire Northern Campus consuming all in its path, including Dr. Strausse's lab. All information pertaining to the project was lost with no hope of return. The remaining members of Dr. Strausse's research team dropped out of University shortly after and chose to retreat into lives of reclusion, hounded by the press and berated by the families of Dr. Strausse and the two PHD students that had accompanied her the found it hard to find peace.
What happened to Dr. Strausse then? Exactly what C4 had planned, she and her team were sent back to the year 2012 and found themselves on Earth, in the heart of Tioman Island in the South China Sea. Fortunately the Vehicle had landed in the heart of the forestry where Dr. Strausse and her team could conceal it well. After much deliberation there was little they could do. They knew that the Vehicle had been tampered with and they could not risk using it again. Upon inspection Dr. Strausse's only logical conclusion was that the console had been tampered with, it would require reprogramming, unfortunately not a single computer in existence would be able to interface with the console, the physical connections did not exist and it would take some time to create them from scratch that is, if they even knew how. Of the three Matthew was the most experienced when it came to Computers and engineering but even he did not understand the technology enough to recreate it. They were stuck. The Vehicle itself was not even capable of true flight over great distances. It would have to remain on the island. As for the team itself, after much deliberation again it was concluded that they should remain on the island, as it would not be prudent to leave the vehicle there to be found.
The first few nights were rough, the team slept in the vehicle as best they could and lived off what little rations they had taken with them. It was not yet clear if it would be safe to approach the locals. On the second day the team had agreed to decosntruct the time vehicle. The started with the flux capacitor which would in the end turn out to be their salvation. The capacitor's core was coated in diamond, the only substance hard enough to withstand the pressure that was generated. It was the lavish expense that would later be bartered and exchanged for a considerable amount of money, enough to set the three team members comfortably to remain on the island. Dr. Strausse opened a small library and taught the local school children how to read English. Sarah and Matthew eventually married and had several children, the oldest three of which where told the truth about the Time Vehicle and where it could be found. As those three children grew and had children of their own the secret of the Time Vehicle was passed down from generation to generation. There were only ever three people at any given time who knew of its existence and its location. It was not until several hundred years later in a tragic plane crash that the three keepers of the secret perished and existence of the Vehicle was lost. There in the heart of Tioman Island the Time Vehicle slept for centuries, undisturbed.
I am done
I have shared a lot of things on this blog. There has been a lot about me, or more importantly the image of me, the person I think I am - whether or not that is the reality I guess neither you nor I will ever know without actually meeting, to see me through a third person's point of view or in your case from the first person.
I wish I could tell you something insightful or something that would blow your mind but truth be told these past few weeks I have in many ways been in a state of shock where my mental faculties have slowly degraded and the range of things which I would contemplate have stagnated. To the point where I have thought of less and less, all this is due to one thing in particular which you would be expecting to occupy my mind in their place. The reality is that it hasn't It has only been that which I contemplate when I stop to think and ultimately that has been when I write these posts. I am sure you probably noticed a recurring trend in the past few weeks.
That has now broken. I was not thinking about it, I was denying it and repressing it or just outright ignoring my feelings for the desire to do other things. The reality is not that simple, the shock like state was brought on by this action. My mind slowly cleared and until there was nothing left to occupy it but these thoughts, and when you are repressing them that ultimately means you fall silent - if there is nothing left to think about bar one thing, and you choose not to think about that one thing, you think of nothing.
Thinking of nothing is not easy for me, and I can't stand it anymore so I am doing the only thing left that I can do - I am releasing my burden. That which was the last bastion of thought I release. It is not mine to think of anymore. It is out of my control. I made efforts to confront it, small as they may be they were contemplated heavily and they were not carried out easily. Today I found myself contemplating repeating this process, but if it didn't work before, why should I keep trying, I will only be repeating failure which will encourage a downward cycle of unenviable self loathing and self pity.
I am moving on. I will always be an ear to listen, open arms to hug and a heart to love, but these legs cannot run any longer. I am tired. Oh so tired and beyond my mentality of tiredness my physicality has mirrored this state and I have been left drained of energy and powerless. I end this now.
Upon releasing this burden my mind is slowly filling with other things and many of them will form the coming blog posts. Expect many to come and less of the recent theme.
I wish I could tell you something insightful or something that would blow your mind but truth be told these past few weeks I have in many ways been in a state of shock where my mental faculties have slowly degraded and the range of things which I would contemplate have stagnated. To the point where I have thought of less and less, all this is due to one thing in particular which you would be expecting to occupy my mind in their place. The reality is that it hasn't It has only been that which I contemplate when I stop to think and ultimately that has been when I write these posts. I am sure you probably noticed a recurring trend in the past few weeks.
That has now broken. I was not thinking about it, I was denying it and repressing it or just outright ignoring my feelings for the desire to do other things. The reality is not that simple, the shock like state was brought on by this action. My mind slowly cleared and until there was nothing left to occupy it but these thoughts, and when you are repressing them that ultimately means you fall silent - if there is nothing left to think about bar one thing, and you choose not to think about that one thing, you think of nothing.
Thinking of nothing is not easy for me, and I can't stand it anymore so I am doing the only thing left that I can do - I am releasing my burden. That which was the last bastion of thought I release. It is not mine to think of anymore. It is out of my control. I made efforts to confront it, small as they may be they were contemplated heavily and they were not carried out easily. Today I found myself contemplating repeating this process, but if it didn't work before, why should I keep trying, I will only be repeating failure which will encourage a downward cycle of unenviable self loathing and self pity.
I am moving on. I will always be an ear to listen, open arms to hug and a heart to love, but these legs cannot run any longer. I am tired. Oh so tired and beyond my mentality of tiredness my physicality has mirrored this state and I have been left drained of energy and powerless. I end this now.
Upon releasing this burden my mind is slowly filling with other things and many of them will form the coming blog posts. Expect many to come and less of the recent theme.
This is about you, Yes, you!
Hello dear reader and welcome to my blog, I am confident you will like it here. I believe this because I believe that I know you well. Allow me to sum you up with eloquence:
What I want you to take away from this post, more than any self help book etc can give you, is the realisation that despite the fact that there are some 7 billion of us on this planet we are not as unique as we like to think. We all share the same problems, the same setbacks, the same anxieties and to an extent the same fears, above all else we all succumb to procrastination at some point in our lives where we put off doing what we really want to do, for whatever reason that may be.
Don't be so hard on yourself, or on others. If you really want to know how someone feels just put yourself in that situation and think whatever you would think. We all share the same thoughts, it is how we act on them that defines who we are, and ultimately where we end up.
If you found this post interesting and would like to know more then I would encourage you to read Derren Brown's Tricks Of The Mind.
You are a person prone to bouts of self-examination. You like to show a calm, self-assured fluid kind of stability (but because this is self-consciously created, it will create bouts of frustrated silliness and a delight in extremes, or at least a delight in being seen to be extreme). You most easily recognise this control in how you are with people around you. You have learned to protect yourself by keeping people at bay. Because in the past you have learned to be disappointed by people, you instinctively keep people at arms’ length, until you decide they are allowed over that magic line into your group of close friends. However, once across that line, the problem is that an emotional dependency kicks in which leaves you feeling very hurt or rejected if it appears that they have betrayed that status.Well dear reader that certainly was fun and most of you will now be possibly creeped out by how accurately I have described you.The reality however is that I was not describing you, I was describing every person that ever lived and is likely to live, everything written above is generic and applies to everyone. What you have read is an excerpt redacted from a cold reading text originally brought to my attention by the fabulous Mr Derren Brown.
Because you are prone to self-examination, you will be aware of these traits. However, you are unusually able to examine even that self-examination, which means that you have become concerned about what the real you is. You have become all too aware of façades, of sides of yourself which you present to the world, and you wonder if you have lost touch with the real and spontaneous you.
You set high standards for yourself, though, and in many ways are a bit of a perfectionist. The problem is, though, that it means you often don’t get stuff done, because you are frustrated by the idea of mediocrity and are wearied by the idea of starting something afresh. However, once your brain is engaged you’ll find yourself sailing. Very much this will likely lead to you having considered writing a novel or some such, but a fear that you won’t be able to achieve quite what you want stops you from getting on with it. But you have a real vision for things, which others fall short of. Particularly in your academic/college situation, you are currently fighting against restraints upon your desire to express yourself freely.
What I want you to take away from this post, more than any self help book etc can give you, is the realisation that despite the fact that there are some 7 billion of us on this planet we are not as unique as we like to think. We all share the same problems, the same setbacks, the same anxieties and to an extent the same fears, above all else we all succumb to procrastination at some point in our lives where we put off doing what we really want to do, for whatever reason that may be.
Don't be so hard on yourself, or on others. If you really want to know how someone feels just put yourself in that situation and think whatever you would think. We all share the same thoughts, it is how we act on them that defines who we are, and ultimately where we end up.
If you found this post interesting and would like to know more then I would encourage you to read Derren Brown's Tricks Of The Mind.
My Take on Personality Types
There are 4 personality types I have come across in my life. Everyone I meet falls into either one of these 4 personality types or one of the 2 Hybrid types. There are 4 key people in mind who form the template everyone I meet is compared to, probably because those 4 people are the most prominent of that type. In that respect in reality these four types are actually named after them, but to save embarrassment and for their own anonymity I have simply chosen four Greek letter names instead.
EDIT: A point I must make for clarity: 'never combined with' means that the two named types are never fused together to make a hybrid. No comment is made whatsoever about compatibility with other types in terms of a social context, that is not the purpose of this post.
Alpha - Archetype: The Loner
Without making myself seem egotistical, this is my personality type. I put it first as your own personality should be the one you know best. This type is shy at first but once that barrier is overcome they never shut up. They tell you everything, maybe even things you probably don't want to hear. This type wears their heart on their sleeve and as a consequence it is full of scars. This type never pays much attention to long term decisions focusing instead on living day to day, but those short term decisions are often thought out with effort that exceeds their warrant.
Common Hybrid: Alpha-Gamma [Lonely Idealist]
Never combined with: Beta, Delta
Beta - Archetype: The Rock
This type does not open - period. They are reserved, there may be many reasons for this. This type is wary of everyone. This type is always focused on the long-term. If they can not see a path leading forward to a future they want then they do not move at all. This type can be seen as stubborn, sometimes ignorant and in at other times they can be seen as selfish. They will often completely sever all connections with anything they see as detrimental or hindering their forward movement in a manner that can seem callous. They do think of others but they put themselves before everyone and will leave it to others to make the first move.
Common Hybrid: Beta-Gamma [Silent Dreamer]
Never combined with: Alpha, Delta
Gamma - Archetype: The Idealist
This type is reserved, but they open up over time, but that time period is long spread, much longer than any of the other types. A person of this type may accelerate their opening process if they meet an Alpha due to their similarity but ultimately they will crash when their conscience reminds them of who they are, often causing the opening process to take a complete U-Turn at some speed. This type values friendship but keeps friends at arm's length. This type more than any other will seek to take-back and undo anything post-U-turn that they see in hindsight as a mistake, they seek to do this at whatever cost.
Common Hybrids: Alpha-Gamma, Beta-Gamma
Never combined with: Delta
Delta - Archetype: The Gossip
This type is careless. This type doesn't think things through at all, regardless of whether the decision is short term or long term, they simply pick an option and go with it. They often say things that others would take offence to, but this offence was not even contemplated before they spoke. Delta types often find themselves in all manner of trouble. Their patience is virtually non-existent.
Common Hybrid: None
Never combined with: Alpha, Beta, Gamma.
EDIT: A point I must make for clarity: 'never combined with' means that the two named types are never fused together to make a hybrid. No comment is made whatsoever about compatibility with other types in terms of a social context, that is not the purpose of this post.
Alpha - Archetype: The Loner
Without making myself seem egotistical, this is my personality type. I put it first as your own personality should be the one you know best. This type is shy at first but once that barrier is overcome they never shut up. They tell you everything, maybe even things you probably don't want to hear. This type wears their heart on their sleeve and as a consequence it is full of scars. This type never pays much attention to long term decisions focusing instead on living day to day, but those short term decisions are often thought out with effort that exceeds their warrant.
Common Hybrid: Alpha-Gamma [Lonely Idealist]
Never combined with: Beta, Delta
Beta - Archetype: The Rock
This type does not open - period. They are reserved, there may be many reasons for this. This type is wary of everyone. This type is always focused on the long-term. If they can not see a path leading forward to a future they want then they do not move at all. This type can be seen as stubborn, sometimes ignorant and in at other times they can be seen as selfish. They will often completely sever all connections with anything they see as detrimental or hindering their forward movement in a manner that can seem callous. They do think of others but they put themselves before everyone and will leave it to others to make the first move.
Common Hybrid: Beta-Gamma [Silent Dreamer]
Never combined with: Alpha, Delta
Gamma - Archetype: The Idealist
This type is reserved, but they open up over time, but that time period is long spread, much longer than any of the other types. A person of this type may accelerate their opening process if they meet an Alpha due to their similarity but ultimately they will crash when their conscience reminds them of who they are, often causing the opening process to take a complete U-Turn at some speed. This type values friendship but keeps friends at arm's length. This type more than any other will seek to take-back and undo anything post-U-turn that they see in hindsight as a mistake, they seek to do this at whatever cost.
Common Hybrids: Alpha-Gamma, Beta-Gamma
Never combined with: Delta
Delta - Archetype: The Gossip
This type is careless. This type doesn't think things through at all, regardless of whether the decision is short term or long term, they simply pick an option and go with it. They often say things that others would take offence to, but this offence was not even contemplated before they spoke. Delta types often find themselves in all manner of trouble. Their patience is virtually non-existent.
Common Hybrid: None
Never combined with: Alpha, Beta, Gamma.
About Me
Inspired by a recent post a friend made over on his blog I thought I would make one too. I've had an 'About Me' post on this blog before but it was quite generic and it wasn't very revealing as to who I really am, so this post I hope will be a lot more intimate.
This will probably be the most heartfelt blog post I have wrote to date.
I am an emotional person, and that emotion spans the entire rainbow from joy and elation to sadness and despair. For the most part I like to think I can control this emotion but I would be lying if I said that was true. I like to think a lot of things and sadly the things I think are not always true.
I've said before on this blog my writing style here is a lot more formal to the way I speak, the way I speak I try to be clear but I often descend into head spins unable to express myself because when any emotion takes over the thought process stops and the words escape me.
I am not perfect. As a child I was an outsider for many reasons and in that time knowledge was my aspiration I sought to outsmart the people who excluded me. I wanted to know everything but as I have grown this aspiration has lessened and my desire to know everything isn't as strong but I am still incredibly curious. I know a lot about random things, academics and many things one would consider geeky, but my knowledge of life is limited. There is so so much I don't know.
My thirst for knowledge is still one of my greatest strengths and at the same time my greatest weakness. I know so much about my friends, - I try to know everything I can so that I can understand them. I do not mean understand in terms of speaking or in terms of actions I mean understanding on a deeper level, to understand the person they are, how they became that person and who or what they want to become.
I am friendly, I am affectionate and I don't judge. I have been stupid, oh so stupid in my life. I have seen, said and done things that years later I still look back on and think to myself "what the fuck were you thinking!" - and yes I occasionally swear. I over analyse things, I think too much, I scrutinise every detail in my mind but still of all I can say and do things without thinking that often prove to be the stupidest things I have ever done - but that's not going to change any time soon, because although that mentality has lead me to many stupid places it has also lead me to some of the greatest, happiest and most triumphant places in my life.
Another fact about me, I sometimes over react. I wrote this post a few hours ago and since then I have slept and woke up and I now feel overwhelmingly positive again and reading back at this post I can not grasp the mentality I had when I wrote it, I thought about deleting it but I decided not to. I think it will only serve to reiterate the fact that my emotions sometimes get the better of me? And that I use writing, dancing, drawing and Music as forms of expression. On that note I can't get this out of my head:
Added for your enjoyment as I think these posts need something more than just writing.
This will probably be the most heartfelt blog post I have wrote to date.
I am an emotional person, and that emotion spans the entire rainbow from joy and elation to sadness and despair. For the most part I like to think I can control this emotion but I would be lying if I said that was true. I like to think a lot of things and sadly the things I think are not always true.
I've said before on this blog my writing style here is a lot more formal to the way I speak, the way I speak I try to be clear but I often descend into head spins unable to express myself because when any emotion takes over the thought process stops and the words escape me.
I am not perfect. As a child I was an outsider for many reasons and in that time knowledge was my aspiration I sought to outsmart the people who excluded me. I wanted to know everything but as I have grown this aspiration has lessened and my desire to know everything isn't as strong but I am still incredibly curious. I know a lot about random things, academics and many things one would consider geeky, but my knowledge of life is limited. There is so so much I don't know.
My thirst for knowledge is still one of my greatest strengths and at the same time my greatest weakness. I know so much about my friends, - I try to know everything I can so that I can understand them. I do not mean understand in terms of speaking or in terms of actions I mean understanding on a deeper level, to understand the person they are, how they became that person and who or what they want to become.
I am friendly, I am affectionate and I don't judge. I have been stupid, oh so stupid in my life. I have seen, said and done things that years later I still look back on and think to myself "what the fuck were you thinking!" - and yes I occasionally swear. I over analyse things, I think too much, I scrutinise every detail in my mind but still of all I can say and do things without thinking that often prove to be the stupidest things I have ever done - but that's not going to change any time soon, because although that mentality has lead me to many stupid places it has also lead me to some of the greatest, happiest and most triumphant places in my life.
Another fact about me, I sometimes over react. I wrote this post a few hours ago and since then I have slept and woke up and I now feel overwhelmingly positive again and reading back at this post I can not grasp the mentality I had when I wrote it, I thought about deleting it but I decided not to. I think it will only serve to reiterate the fact that my emotions sometimes get the better of me? And that I use writing, dancing, drawing and Music as forms of expression. On that note I can't get this out of my head:
Come And Fly With Me
Take my hand and run with me,
I'll show you a world where we can be free,
Full of magic and wonder and awe,
Filled with food drink and all the bones you can gnaw!
Twist through the mirrors with rhythm and rhyme,
Let yourself fall through the chasm of time,
Never avast and we shall chase the stars,
These endless realms can forever be ours.
Open your eyes, your heart and your mind,
And in this endless abyss you are sure to find,
All that you could ever want and more,
Take my hand and together we shall explore.
Let yourself lift up into the air,
Abandon all of your woe and despair,
Come and Dance with me upon the clouds,
Let the world gaze upon these glorious shrouds.
Twist and turn and feel the beat,
Never again shall the ground you meet,
You know what I'm feeling and you know that it's true,
So come with me for all that I want is you.
I'll show you a world where we can be free,
Full of magic and wonder and awe,
Filled with food drink and all the bones you can gnaw!
Twist through the mirrors with rhythm and rhyme,
Let yourself fall through the chasm of time,
Never avast and we shall chase the stars,
These endless realms can forever be ours.
Open your eyes, your heart and your mind,
And in this endless abyss you are sure to find,
All that you could ever want and more,
Take my hand and together we shall explore.
Let yourself lift up into the air,
Abandon all of your woe and despair,
Come and Dance with me upon the clouds,
Let the world gaze upon these glorious shrouds.
Twist and turn and feel the beat,
Never again shall the ground you meet,
You know what I'm feeling and you know that it's true,
So come with me for all that I want is you.
Brian
Consider if you will a young man named Brian. Brian is 20 years of age and approaching his 21st Birthday. Other than one unique ability there is nothing special about this young man. You would never know of the power he possesses if you were to set eyes upon him, indeed if he never told you you would likely never know. Brian's power is that of foresight. With little effort he can close his eyes and see the future that will be if an action is performed. That future is a what-if scenario, as if the action is not performed, then the prophecy is never fulfilled.
Brian was 16 years old when he first discovered his ability. He thought his power was nothing more than fair judgement, until he set about contemplating scenarios he had no prior experience of such as entering random houses upon his street, within his mind he could explore every room and see the contents as clear as if he stood before them. Brian soon used his ability to amass a great personal wealth. Following many Gambling routes through Lottery draws and through stocks and shares Brian amounted many millions and by the time he was 21 he was the richest man in the World and regarded as the luckiest.
His riches did not bring him happiness. He was rich and powerful but ultimately he was alone. Save for his family who were often jetting about the world from country to country, since he had amassed wealth he had seen his family grow more and more distant spending less time together. What little friends he had from before he discovered his powers had abandoned and betrayed him to his wealth, some seeking to exploit him and others simply feeling as though they no longer held any commonality with him. Brian became lonely and found it exceptionally hard to meet anyone. Whomever he met he could not be sure if they were interested in him or his money, fortunately or unfortunately whichever your outlook, Brian's gift could answer that question rather quickly.
Brian had come to consider his gift a curse. Having all the material possessions he had ever wanted and all the luxuries any man could wish for he was left still alone and wanting of the simplest of pleasures, those that no amount of money could truly buy.
You are Brian. In your mind. That inner child that strives and wants for all that you ever want, this is Brian. What you have read is what happens when you get everything you ever wanted. Granted this is only one scenario and you may find that your world may be completely different if you were to have everything you ever wanted, but in terms of Psychology alone it is quite clear that material possessions alone do not make us happy. The initial purchase or gifting is a momentary high and soon after you have wore away the novelty the possession does not contribute to your life.
Time and again through extensive study the one thing which crops up and has been proven to be the path to happiness is quite simply social interaction. Your friends are the greatest thing you will ever know: A man who has nothing and is surrounded by friends will be happier than a man who has everything and is completely alone.
Brian was 16 years old when he first discovered his ability. He thought his power was nothing more than fair judgement, until he set about contemplating scenarios he had no prior experience of such as entering random houses upon his street, within his mind he could explore every room and see the contents as clear as if he stood before them. Brian soon used his ability to amass a great personal wealth. Following many Gambling routes through Lottery draws and through stocks and shares Brian amounted many millions and by the time he was 21 he was the richest man in the World and regarded as the luckiest.
His riches did not bring him happiness. He was rich and powerful but ultimately he was alone. Save for his family who were often jetting about the world from country to country, since he had amassed wealth he had seen his family grow more and more distant spending less time together. What little friends he had from before he discovered his powers had abandoned and betrayed him to his wealth, some seeking to exploit him and others simply feeling as though they no longer held any commonality with him. Brian became lonely and found it exceptionally hard to meet anyone. Whomever he met he could not be sure if they were interested in him or his money, fortunately or unfortunately whichever your outlook, Brian's gift could answer that question rather quickly.
Brian had come to consider his gift a curse. Having all the material possessions he had ever wanted and all the luxuries any man could wish for he was left still alone and wanting of the simplest of pleasures, those that no amount of money could truly buy.
You are Brian. In your mind. That inner child that strives and wants for all that you ever want, this is Brian. What you have read is what happens when you get everything you ever wanted. Granted this is only one scenario and you may find that your world may be completely different if you were to have everything you ever wanted, but in terms of Psychology alone it is quite clear that material possessions alone do not make us happy. The initial purchase or gifting is a momentary high and soon after you have wore away the novelty the possession does not contribute to your life.
Time and again through extensive study the one thing which crops up and has been proven to be the path to happiness is quite simply social interaction. Your friends are the greatest thing you will ever know: A man who has nothing and is surrounded by friends will be happier than a man who has everything and is completely alone.
Reality Bites
There often comes a time in our lives when the rose coloured glasses fall, when reality hits us and we see the world for what it really is. November has not been an easy month for me this far. Despite my own feelings and my own inner turmoil I have seen the world of others change and fall apart. Today was the 14th of November. Two weeks since this month started and I have see 3 people's relationships collapse.
To be honest this Month has really killed my faith and hope that relationships can work. In seeing so many people fall apart and seeing the reality of heartache from the third person point of view - I myself was feeling this but seeing it in my closest friends now too is quite unsettling like an out of body experience of sorts. Emails, Texts, Phone-calls and Tweets to these 3 friends is incredibly bizarre, it's like communicating with a past version of myself.
I say 'past' version because of this post. Reality bites. As well as seeing these 3 relationships fall apart in the last 2 weeks, I have also had 3 massive doses of reality, - 2 of which have happened in the last 24 hours for me. It doesn't really matter now what they are but suffice is to say the last one was the closure I needed and I have accepted it. When I first realised I won't lie I had a blank face and did not know what to think, but I wasn't angry, I wasn't upset either - this last part is the most important bit. I wasn't upset, not because I had lost all emotion or because I was incapable of feeling anything, nor was it because the feelings weren't real. I am capable of feeling many things right now, and I am certain my feelings were real. I have to move forward though and I don't feel upset about that.
I have been given closure. I think this is the first time I have ever had it if I am entirely honest. Almost 4 years have passed since the last time I felt for someone in that way. Almost 7 years have passed since I first felt this way about someone and in both those instances my feelings are still strong. They never faded because they were real. I still have feelings for what has just passed, but I have made peace with the fact that it probably will never amount to anything. I can take all the time in the world and he can take all the space in the Universe, I will still feel the same way about him and I know that is true because of those that came before.
I am grateful for all that happened. I don't think any of these guys will ever know what it was they gave me. I don't think anyone can ever know what it is I feel, not until I fall in love with someone who loves me back, more importantly someone who can keep up with me, I don't like to walk, I don't like to run, I like to fly! And on that note I will share with you my track of the moment. I have been listening to it all day on repeat and I feel enlightened, uplifted and awake. My mind is clear and I am ready to fly again, I think I'll be flying solo for some time though.
To be honest this Month has really killed my faith and hope that relationships can work. In seeing so many people fall apart and seeing the reality of heartache from the third person point of view - I myself was feeling this but seeing it in my closest friends now too is quite unsettling like an out of body experience of sorts. Emails, Texts, Phone-calls and Tweets to these 3 friends is incredibly bizarre, it's like communicating with a past version of myself.
I say 'past' version because of this post. Reality bites. As well as seeing these 3 relationships fall apart in the last 2 weeks, I have also had 3 massive doses of reality, - 2 of which have happened in the last 24 hours for me. It doesn't really matter now what they are but suffice is to say the last one was the closure I needed and I have accepted it. When I first realised I won't lie I had a blank face and did not know what to think, but I wasn't angry, I wasn't upset either - this last part is the most important bit. I wasn't upset, not because I had lost all emotion or because I was incapable of feeling anything, nor was it because the feelings weren't real. I am capable of feeling many things right now, and I am certain my feelings were real. I have to move forward though and I don't feel upset about that.
I have been given closure. I think this is the first time I have ever had it if I am entirely honest. Almost 4 years have passed since the last time I felt for someone in that way. Almost 7 years have passed since I first felt this way about someone and in both those instances my feelings are still strong. They never faded because they were real. I still have feelings for what has just passed, but I have made peace with the fact that it probably will never amount to anything. I can take all the time in the world and he can take all the space in the Universe, I will still feel the same way about him and I know that is true because of those that came before.
I am grateful for all that happened. I don't think any of these guys will ever know what it was they gave me. I don't think anyone can ever know what it is I feel, not until I fall in love with someone who loves me back, more importantly someone who can keep up with me, I don't like to walk, I don't like to run, I like to fly! And on that note I will share with you my track of the moment. I have been listening to it all day on repeat and I feel enlightened, uplifted and awake. My mind is clear and I am ready to fly again, I think I'll be flying solo for some time though.
Gambling and Psychology
When you think of Gambling and Psychology your first thought is probably of addiction. I would argue that there is more to Gambling than addiction if anything I would argue that Gambling is a learned behaviour and the "addiction" which is perceived by others in reality is actually a form of conditioning.
For these reasons I would not say that Gambling is an addiction, for anyone. I would say that Gambling is a behaviour which is manifested by those who have simply started and continued with it long enough for the conditioning process to be completed.
To understand this reasoning and my theory we need to cover a few things. So to begin we need to cover Operant Conditioning. An Operant is a subject, usually a person or an animal which you want to condition to perform a certain behaviour.
Operant Conditioning involves:
The environment is the embodiment of all objects and other subjects the Operant can interact with. In our scenario of the Gambler, the Gamble is the Operant, and the Environment is the Casino or the shop or the gambling website etc that the Gambler uses.
The desired action is either winning or playing - depending on whose side you are taking, as a gambler you want to win, as "The House" you simply want the Gambler to keep playing, cause that means you making money.
The reward for the Gambler is money, or whichever prize is given for winning the particular game they are playing.
The Reward Schedule will vary depending on a number of factors that you want to control, they are the response rate and the extinction rate.
Obviously as a Gambling body you would desire the response rate to be very fast and the extinction rate to be very slow. Resulting in Gamblers becoming hooked very quickly and playing for longer even through a very long 'losing streak'.
There are a few types of Reward Schedules, most play with the amount of times the Operant has to perform the behaviour to get the reward, some deal with the amount of time between behaviours and so on. The relevant Reward Schedule for our Gambling scenario however is the Variable Ratio Reinforcement schedule. This schedule establishes a ratio of x : y. Where x is the number of times the behaviour is needed and y is the number of rewards, resulting in a ratio of plays to wins. The variable aspect here is that the value of x can change and will not be the same all the time likewise y may change over time too.
Now for Gambling, y does indeed exist, as does this ratio of x : y. At first you might think it doesn't because Gambling involves chance, but the reality is the exact opposite. Gambling is built upon mathematical principles, there is not a single gambling game that you will play where the mathematics of the game have not been thought out before hand. The common value of y here is simply the odds of winning. The odds of the gambler winning will always be stacked in favour of the house. Simple slot machines are programmed to ensure that they take more money than they pay out. Therefore in this scenario the value of y is the number of times the machine will pay out and the value of x is the number of plays it has been programmed to pay out after.
With the Lottery and with scratch cards too y is the number of winning scratch cards that have been printed and have not yet been claimed or x and y collectively form your odds of winning the jackpot. All of these values are variable and change over time. With Variable Rate Reinforcement there are a number of key benefits for The House the primary benefits are that the response rate is reasonably low. Your customers will at first simply be people whoa re curious or want something to dispose of their money through - first time gamblers are often people who have the mentality "I am prepared to lose this money it's just a bit of fun, what else would I spend it on?". Therein lies the problem for the Gambler, that they openly embrace the act of Gambling for what it is - something they are going to lose money on.
The extinction rate is also very slow with this reward schedule because the rewards do not come at regular intervals there is always the chance that "I could win next time" - because the interval between winnings is not known explicitly the Gambler will be conditioned to continue playing.
So is Gambling Addictive? Well that depends on your outlook and ultimately depends on whether or not you believe the Gambler thinks about what they are doing. I have to stress here that Operant Conditioning does not involve thinking at all. This type of conditioning is carried out on a subject that is not thinking about what they are doing. A pigeon trained to play ping pong with Operant Conditioning does not think about what it is doing, it is simply performing a behaviour that it has associated a reward with. The same goes for our Gambler. If they are not thinking about what they are doing they are simply reacting in the manner that is expected of them and of any human - you could condition a rat to become a gambler. If they do think about what they are doing however, and continue doing it then we cross the line into the area of addiction, because addiction is knowing your action and its rewards and its negative side affects and choosing to continue with it regardless.
Now for the benefit of backing up the above claims and for your amusement here is a video of two pigeons playing ping pong:
For these reasons I would not say that Gambling is an addiction, for anyone. I would say that Gambling is a behaviour which is manifested by those who have simply started and continued with it long enough for the conditioning process to be completed.
To understand this reasoning and my theory we need to cover a few things. So to begin we need to cover Operant Conditioning. An Operant is a subject, usually a person or an animal which you want to condition to perform a certain behaviour.
Operant Conditioning involves:
- an environment
- a desired action
- a reward
- a reward schedule
The environment is the embodiment of all objects and other subjects the Operant can interact with. In our scenario of the Gambler, the Gamble is the Operant, and the Environment is the Casino or the shop or the gambling website etc that the Gambler uses.
The desired action is either winning or playing - depending on whose side you are taking, as a gambler you want to win, as "The House" you simply want the Gambler to keep playing, cause that means you making money.
The reward for the Gambler is money, or whichever prize is given for winning the particular game they are playing.
The Reward Schedule will vary depending on a number of factors that you want to control, they are the response rate and the extinction rate.
- The response rate is the amount of time it takes for the Operant to associate the desired action with the reward and begin to repeat the action in the hope of receiving the reward. Form a Gambling perspective here this is effectively the amount of time it takes our Gambler to become hooked.
- The extinction rate is the amount of time it takes for the conditional behaviour to dissipate once the reward is not given. In terms of gambling this would be the number of failed or lost games the Gambler will play before giving up and therefore no longer be hooked.
Obviously as a Gambling body you would desire the response rate to be very fast and the extinction rate to be very slow. Resulting in Gamblers becoming hooked very quickly and playing for longer even through a very long 'losing streak'.
There are a few types of Reward Schedules, most play with the amount of times the Operant has to perform the behaviour to get the reward, some deal with the amount of time between behaviours and so on. The relevant Reward Schedule for our Gambling scenario however is the Variable Ratio Reinforcement schedule. This schedule establishes a ratio of x : y. Where x is the number of times the behaviour is needed and y is the number of rewards, resulting in a ratio of plays to wins. The variable aspect here is that the value of x can change and will not be the same all the time likewise y may change over time too.
Now for Gambling, y does indeed exist, as does this ratio of x : y. At first you might think it doesn't because Gambling involves chance, but the reality is the exact opposite. Gambling is built upon mathematical principles, there is not a single gambling game that you will play where the mathematics of the game have not been thought out before hand. The common value of y here is simply the odds of winning. The odds of the gambler winning will always be stacked in favour of the house. Simple slot machines are programmed to ensure that they take more money than they pay out. Therefore in this scenario the value of y is the number of times the machine will pay out and the value of x is the number of plays it has been programmed to pay out after.
With the Lottery and with scratch cards too y is the number of winning scratch cards that have been printed and have not yet been claimed or x and y collectively form your odds of winning the jackpot. All of these values are variable and change over time. With Variable Rate Reinforcement there are a number of key benefits for The House the primary benefits are that the response rate is reasonably low. Your customers will at first simply be people whoa re curious or want something to dispose of their money through - first time gamblers are often people who have the mentality "I am prepared to lose this money it's just a bit of fun, what else would I spend it on?". Therein lies the problem for the Gambler, that they openly embrace the act of Gambling for what it is - something they are going to lose money on.
The extinction rate is also very slow with this reward schedule because the rewards do not come at regular intervals there is always the chance that "I could win next time" - because the interval between winnings is not known explicitly the Gambler will be conditioned to continue playing.
So is Gambling Addictive? Well that depends on your outlook and ultimately depends on whether or not you believe the Gambler thinks about what they are doing. I have to stress here that Operant Conditioning does not involve thinking at all. This type of conditioning is carried out on a subject that is not thinking about what they are doing. A pigeon trained to play ping pong with Operant Conditioning does not think about what it is doing, it is simply performing a behaviour that it has associated a reward with. The same goes for our Gambler. If they are not thinking about what they are doing they are simply reacting in the manner that is expected of them and of any human - you could condition a rat to become a gambler. If they do think about what they are doing however, and continue doing it then we cross the line into the area of addiction, because addiction is knowing your action and its rewards and its negative side affects and choosing to continue with it regardless.
Now for the benefit of backing up the above claims and for your amusement here is a video of two pigeons playing ping pong:
Unending
Everything that begins must have an end
It comes when there is no time left to spend
When all is said and done by a heart so true
The head will not know what is left to do
The words we fear to utter in life
The words that come only through strife
These words are better left unspoken
Lest what little remains shall be all but broken
Close your eyes and drowned out the world
Give in to chaos and let it be unfurled
Think of yourself before all that draw round
Peace in your heart is what needs to be found
Give over yourself and release all control
Let heavens cradle your immortal soul
Rest now as a child in the arms of the Divine
When the time is right you will see the sign
Some things in life are destined to be
Yet they cannot be crafted by you or me
Let yourself fall and let the wind flow free
You will be caught if it was meant to be
It comes when there is no time left to spend
When all is said and done by a heart so true
The head will not know what is left to do
The words we fear to utter in life
The words that come only through strife
These words are better left unspoken
Lest what little remains shall be all but broken
Close your eyes and drowned out the world
Give in to chaos and let it be unfurled
Think of yourself before all that draw round
Peace in your heart is what needs to be found
Give over yourself and release all control
Let heavens cradle your immortal soul
Rest now as a child in the arms of the Divine
When the time is right you will see the sign
Some things in life are destined to be
Yet they cannot be crafted by you or me
Let yourself fall and let the wind flow free
You will be caught if it was meant to be
Boy Culture [Gay Movie Review]
This Movie is not everyone's cup of tea I say that from the outset. Many will call it pretentious but I wouldn't because for the most part I relate to the main character and while the character may seem contrived at times, I can honestly say that guys like him do exist as I have met a few.
Boy Culture is essentially a love story but in an unconventional sense. The main character remains anonymous throughout the Movie, you only know him as X. He's played by Derek Magyar who I happen to think is rather cute but that doesn't affect my judgement of the Movie. The plot of the Movie indeed the back story in its entirety is positioned as one long confession telling you of the inner monologue of the main character. I think this aspect is what appeals to me most, that rather than just watch the main character you get to seat yourself inside his head and see his mind.
X is for all intents and purposes a male escort, he has clients who want his services for company and nothing more and he has clients who want his services for sex. Most Gay men, myself included have or will be offered at some point either money or some other incentive for having sex or even just providing company to another, usually older gay guy but often too they will be in their 20s or 30s and just be lonely. The story of Boy Culture shows the path X takes by taking this as a line of work. He doesn't need the money it's a disposable income so for him it is very much a choice.
Ultimately X falls in love, not with a client but with they guy he has felt for, the guy he has always felt for but it takes a client to make him realise this, a client who shows X the emotional price that is paid by the hustler in this line of work.
There are a lot of things in this Movie that I relate to not least because I have experienced a lot of things that are portrayed in this Movie but also because a lot of things that happen to the main character draw parallels with my own life and make me question it and pose the same questions X puts to himself to myself.
To paraphrase X, if you're smart you'll have guessed, what I relate to in this Movie. Although I think you have to watch it to fully understand what I have written.
I'd give this Movie 9 out of 10. It may not be believable to all but for someone who has been there it's quite accurate.
A New Project: Dark knight 2
When I was a kid there was a TV show I used to watch on BBC which was a game show with various mini games. One of them was my ultimate favourite and it was called the Dark knight. After ages searching around Google and Youtube and endless useless forums posts on Batman etc I finally found the right video and the right show.
The Game was called the Dark Knight, the show was called Incredible Games and took the format of a group of contestants in an Elevator in a massive building. The elevator would stop at a floor where there would be a game or a challenge for one or more of the team to complete. The more challenges completed the more points the team won and the higher they got to go up the building. The ultimate goal was to reach the top and win the grand prize.
Here's a video showing the Elevator - voiced by David Walliams and the game I loved, the Dark Knight:
There exists a 7 by 7 Game board. On that board there are 3 entrances and 3 exits. 3 players have to make it from one end of the board to the other. The obstacle takes the form of the Dark Knight. A sinister opponent whose goal it is to capture as many of the team as he can. The team gets to move 2 times before the Dark Knight begins to move. Everyone can only move one square at a time. The Dark Knight supposedly cannot see where the players are but can see the last square they occupied, which is lit up white - in most situations that means given the white light square, there are 4 possible location the player could be standing.
If I recall correctly you also cannot move back onto a space you already held and the three exit squares are 'disposable' i.e. once used they cannot be used as an exit again, they become normal squares.
Pretty clear set of game dynamics, straight forward constraints, possibly tricky to implement but not impossible. I made a version of this game in Visual Basic while in college but I had made it from memory and a few of the above constraints were not included - for a start the version I made had one player and one knight.
I have decided that I am going to make another version of this though, which will be made in Java, and for compatibility I will use 1.6 which most people should have and hopefully once complete I'll add the web-start page to this blog for anyone to play who may be interested. This is purely just for fun though.
The Game was called the Dark Knight, the show was called Incredible Games and took the format of a group of contestants in an Elevator in a massive building. The elevator would stop at a floor where there would be a game or a challenge for one or more of the team to complete. The more challenges completed the more points the team won and the higher they got to go up the building. The ultimate goal was to reach the top and win the grand prize.
Here's a video showing the Elevator - voiced by David Walliams and the game I loved, the Dark Knight:
There exists a 7 by 7 Game board. On that board there are 3 entrances and 3 exits. 3 players have to make it from one end of the board to the other. The obstacle takes the form of the Dark Knight. A sinister opponent whose goal it is to capture as many of the team as he can. The team gets to move 2 times before the Dark Knight begins to move. Everyone can only move one square at a time. The Dark Knight supposedly cannot see where the players are but can see the last square they occupied, which is lit up white - in most situations that means given the white light square, there are 4 possible location the player could be standing.
If I recall correctly you also cannot move back onto a space you already held and the three exit squares are 'disposable' i.e. once used they cannot be used as an exit again, they become normal squares.
Pretty clear set of game dynamics, straight forward constraints, possibly tricky to implement but not impossible. I made a version of this game in Visual Basic while in college but I had made it from memory and a few of the above constraints were not included - for a start the version I made had one player and one knight.
I have decided that I am going to make another version of this though, which will be made in Java, and for compatibility I will use 1.6 which most people should have and hopefully once complete I'll add the web-start page to this blog for anyone to play who may be interested. This is purely just for fun though.
Rest
There is a body that gives us strength
A body that is infinite in its length
Equally infinite in terms of height
It is filled with love, devoid of spite
Some call this body by an Earthly name
Others but by heaven do the same
Wherever the source of this great power
It can be found in your darkest hour
Reach out your hand and don't question why
Someone will reach back if you only try
We are all selfish and we are all green
But there are few who are truly mean
Help will be given to those that ask
Forget the impossibility of this task
In your darkest hour you can still smile
So release your burden and rest for a while
A body that is infinite in its length
Equally infinite in terms of height
It is filled with love, devoid of spite
Some call this body by an Earthly name
Others but by heaven do the same
Wherever the source of this great power
It can be found in your darkest hour
Reach out your hand and don't question why
Someone will reach back if you only try
We are all selfish and we are all green
But there are few who are truly mean
Help will be given to those that ask
Forget the impossibility of this task
In your darkest hour you can still smile
So release your burden and rest for a while
The Mrs Doubtfire Experience
The first Movie I ever went to see at the cinema was Mrs Doubtfire. I use the word 'see' liberally here. We did buy tickets, we did make it to the Cinema albeit over an hour late and it wasn't worth watching in the end.
The year was 1993, I was 5 years old at the time and I lived in a border town in Northern Ireland. We were still living through what is best described as ongoing Guerilla Warfare and my town being a border town and of strategic importance was always a target of both sides. Throughout my childhood the town was surrounded by Army Checkpoints. You could not get in, or get out without passing through them, in effect if they wanted to or deemed it necessary, you could not leave.
For a while we basically lived under martial law. We had soldiers in the streets armed with guns who would be positioned in the town centre as well as the suburbs. For the most part as mentioned in another post, I was and still am quite desensitised to guns. For that reason the soldiers in the streets never really bothered me. The checkpoints did though as a child not fully understanding them I felt trapped by them.
On the day we were meant to go and see Mrs Doubtfire we were leaving the town to go and watch it elsewhere [the cinema in town wasn't showing it]. We had to leave through the checkpoints and on this occasion they decided to perform a spot check on our car. I would just like to say for the record they never found anything and we weren't the type of people to be involved with that sort of thing. They searched the car, quite thoroughly. I remember being in the 'base' if that's what you would call it, and there were large concrete recesses near where the cars set that me and my brother were playing in, jumping around while my Mum and my Aunt stood and watched the soldiers and two of soldiers stood and watched us playing.
About and hour or so later after the car had literally been dismantled and rebuilt we were let on our way, needless to say we did not make it to the Cinema in time to see the whole Movie and the next showing was something ridiculous like 5 hours. In all the day was a disappointment but never really played on my mind until years later when I was talking to friends in London about the experience who found the whole thing bizarre.
I guess the point of this post is really just to say "isn't it amazing what you'll think is 'normal' when you have the naivety of a child?"
The year was 1993, I was 5 years old at the time and I lived in a border town in Northern Ireland. We were still living through what is best described as ongoing Guerilla Warfare and my town being a border town and of strategic importance was always a target of both sides. Throughout my childhood the town was surrounded by Army Checkpoints. You could not get in, or get out without passing through them, in effect if they wanted to or deemed it necessary, you could not leave.
For a while we basically lived under martial law. We had soldiers in the streets armed with guns who would be positioned in the town centre as well as the suburbs. For the most part as mentioned in another post, I was and still am quite desensitised to guns. For that reason the soldiers in the streets never really bothered me. The checkpoints did though as a child not fully understanding them I felt trapped by them.
On the day we were meant to go and see Mrs Doubtfire we were leaving the town to go and watch it elsewhere [the cinema in town wasn't showing it]. We had to leave through the checkpoints and on this occasion they decided to perform a spot check on our car. I would just like to say for the record they never found anything and we weren't the type of people to be involved with that sort of thing. They searched the car, quite thoroughly. I remember being in the 'base' if that's what you would call it, and there were large concrete recesses near where the cars set that me and my brother were playing in, jumping around while my Mum and my Aunt stood and watched the soldiers and two of soldiers stood and watched us playing.
About and hour or so later after the car had literally been dismantled and rebuilt we were let on our way, needless to say we did not make it to the Cinema in time to see the whole Movie and the next showing was something ridiculous like 5 hours. In all the day was a disappointment but never really played on my mind until years later when I was talking to friends in London about the experience who found the whole thing bizarre.
I guess the point of this post is really just to say "isn't it amazing what you'll think is 'normal' when you have the naivety of a child?"
Growing Down
Not a thing in this world you could compare
To the dreams of a child without a care
An imagination so free untouched by life
Full of wonder and magic while free of strife
Dark Wizards battle for the rule of the land
While Heroes charge forth with their weapons in hand
Great battles are fought in the field of dreams
The victorious voice lost in joyous screams
To see the world through the eyes of a child
With an imagination that is free to run wild
Growing up is a path we will all pursue
But can we grow back down to a mind so true?
The Kindness Of Strangers
I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.I thought I would share something with you, about the kindness of strangers. I lived in London for a few years, a city which for many epitomises rudeness and ignorance, cold hearted and uncaring. I would vehemently defend Londoners for having lived there and known those who live there too I have always posed that the reason Londoners don't speak to people that much is because the city is so full of tourists and so full of people from so many cultures they just don't know who will share their language and interests. For this reason my theory states that Money is the Language of London. You can see it in the many stores the markets and even in the streets, some conversations are dull, like buying a drink and some are colourful like a customer haggling with a market trader.
Tennessee Williams - 'A Streetcar named Desire
Londoners are not cold hearted I would pedal this belief as strongly as I could and in their defence I have a story to share. For you see a Londoner may not be the one to speak first, but with the majority if you stop them and ask them a question or ask for help most will endeavour to help you out. There are the cases however that are most warm and touching in a city portrayed as being so cold. Two of these incidents I witnessed both in Gay Clubs in London. One was in Astoria and one was in Scala. The story of both is more or less the same. A young man seemingly heartbroken or distraught disappears into a stairwell and with his emotions overwhelming him he drops his head into his hands and cries. In Astoria, this happened in the middle of the Dance floor with hundreds of people around him a few came and sat on the dance floor with him and spoke to him. I don't know what they said I couldn't hear for the music. In Popstarz at Scala I did hear well, the two guys were most certainly strangers. The second sat with him, I was with my friends at the time trying to call someone from the quiet of the stairwell, there was no answer but I was distracted by the events above so I didn't really care.
This world would be a far better place if we all shared this mentality. In studying Psychology lately I have read of a few things, the most disturbing being the case of Kitty Genovese which if you have not read I will save the horror and highlight the simple fact it portrays - The "Bystander effect" is the action or lack of action a crowd of people will collectively exhibit as the response of expectation. In Kitty's case this ended horribly as the crowd in this case being her neighbours didn't act. Of 38 people who witnessed her murder and death not one called the police. This wasn't out of callousness but rather out of the response that "someone else will" and in many ways that mentality leads to one simple truth - you are safer within a small number of people as opposed to a large crowd. You will be more likely to be helped.
What all this has to do with me and you is simple: we are all susceptible to the Bystander Effect but you can chose to be exempt. You can choose to be kind, you can choose to be the one that breaks the silence and above all else you can choose to be the one to help.
To echo the quote at the beginning of this post, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers and in this last week or so I have really needed people to talk to, and in that time 4 people I have not spoken to in years came back into my life, all through random paths. I can't help but smile at this and be grateful to whatever higher power guided them to me. I do not believe in coincidences. Everything happens for a reason, as random as chaotic as those coincideces may be:
Perfect Order is Perfect Chaos and Perfect Chaos is Perfect Order
Meyers Briggs Personality Types
The Meyers Briggs Type Indicator determines your personality type by asking a series of questions. Your result will be a four letter acronym that sums up your personality:
I / E - Introverted or Extroverted
S / N - Sensing or Intuition
F / T - Feeling or Thinking
J / P - Judgement or Perception
My result was INFP - I am Introverted, I rely on iNtuition, I rely on my Feelings and I base my actions on my Perceptions not on my judgement.
Jung describes my personality type as:
Jung also states that INFP personality types comprise 4.4% of the overall population - so I'm relatively rare. What's your personality type? Do you agree with the result and what % of the population share your type?
Take your free Meyers Briggs Personality Test here:
http://similarminds.com/jung.html
I / E - Introverted or Extroverted
S / N - Sensing or Intuition
F / T - Feeling or Thinking
J / P - Judgement or Perception
My result was INFP - I am Introverted, I rely on iNtuition, I rely on my Feelings and I base my actions on my Perceptions not on my judgement.
Jung describes my personality type as:
"Questor". High capacity for caring.Which if you actually knew me you would probably agree with entirely.
Emotional face to the world. High sense of
honour derived from internal values
Jung also states that INFP personality types comprise 4.4% of the overall population - so I'm relatively rare. What's your personality type? Do you agree with the result and what % of the population share your type?
Take your free Meyers Briggs Personality Test here:
http://similarminds.com/jung.html
Love on the Line
This post is split in two sections, the first is yet another short story, the second is the reality - the true story on which it was based.
The Fiction: Love on the Line
Hasan Patel was born and raised in Dhaka in Bengal, India. He worked in a call centre for a British telecoms company handling account enquiries. He was relatively lucky to have a job that was comfortable for he knew people who had far worse jobs than he. the money was crap but he made a living that was all that mattered to him. The call centre had a practice, that no employee used their real names, instead they had to have 'Anglicised' names or names that did anything but imply they were foreign to their customers. Hasan got to pick his name and he chose the name Peter Bridges. He quite liked the name and quite liked the idea of Britain as a whole. He wanted to travel to London and see the sights, yet he would probably never be able to afford it.
He handled many calls, some were happy customers making silly enquiries of little importance but occasionally they got a 'screamer' - a customer that require you turn down the volume on the headset lest you go deaf for the tirade of abuse you were about to receive. He'd heard it all before of course and didn't take much notice. It doesn't take long working in a call centre before you realise that the call means a lot more to the customer than it does to you. All you care about are your key performance indicators, the number of calls you get through having satisfied the customer.
On one particular day Hasan had a call from a young woman from London, who had recently been travelling around Ireland and had been charged roaming costs to her contract. She was livid for the charges, she didn't think Ireland was 'foreign' and didn't justify the extortionate amounts it cost to phone home while she was there - she was only to happy to let Hasan become aware of this fact, and one might have thought everyone within a five mile radius would have heard her too. Her name was Jenny and she had a set of lungs on her that could make any Italian Opera singer quiver. Needless to say for the first half of the call Hasan's volume control was at near-mute listening only for when she would stop to draw breath.
After some time he managed to calm her down and agreed to reduce her bill but not to write off the costs entirely. She eventually conceded after a long drawn out tirade of yet more abuse. When she was calm yet again she told him it wasn't his fault but didn't but didn't apologise for the abuse. They spoke a while longer and she took a liking to his voice and asked him where he was exactly, he lied and told her he was in the UK, he didn't know if she believed him or not but either way, she asked him for his number but he refused stating company policy forbid exchanging personal details - which it did, despite this she decided she didn't want to leave it like that so she gave him her email address. He could not write it down but it was easily remembered.
A few hours later while on lunch break he sat staring at the computer screen in contemplation, he hesitated but then gave in. He set up an email account in the UK with his name Peter Bridges and sent her an email. He didn't expect it to go any further. Over the coming weeks they shared many things by email and eventually he told her the truth about where he was and how he lived. She didn't reply for a few days but eventually he checked his email in hope one day to find a single email in his inbox, it was from her. They continued talking, yet more weeks passed and as things came to a head she asked if he would mind if she came to Dhaka to visit him, knowing he would not be able to go to the UK to visit her.
They spent two weeks together in Dhaka, his days spent at work his nights with her and weekends together. His feelings for her grew stronger. She flew back to the UK and they stayed in touch, sharing emails, talking over the internet as he visit internet cafés in his spare time. She came back to Dhaka once again to visit him and since he had let her come and go once before without sharing how he really felt he let her know his true feelings. She was not surprised and she felt the same. Over the next few months a lot of things passed but in the end Jenny paid for flights for Hasan to come to London, he applied for a visa and he stayed with her. He found a job, in a call centre in the UK. You might think that is odd but it was all he knew, he was certainly experienced and he knew exactly how to handle people. The money was a bonus too, he was paid ten times his weekly wage in Dhaka per hour for the same work and he was in London the city he had longed to visit and most importantly he was with Jenny, the girl he loved. They got married, he gained a wife and in the process citizenship to the UK - he would never again have to leave the girl he loved and he would never have to leave him.
The Reality: When Sally met Duncan
If you are my friend on facebook you may have seen this story before, when it actually happened: [names are changed for anonymity of course]
A friend of mine knows a girl who shall we say is a little eccentric, but in all is a typical Norn Iron girl, up for a laugh and give anything a go. Despite her good nature she has a mean streak too and woe betide anyone who in her eyes should be taking "liberties" or putting her in any position where she feels used for she won't be long in letting you know how she really feels and she's quick to throw a punch - yes I assure you girls can throw a punch and you certainly wouldn't want to be on the end of hers. One day her phone bill came in, being on contract there is always the risk that it could be higher than you expect and on this occasion it was. She was livid and as she called the company all the "robbing bastards" of the day she got on the phone to them and got put through to a call centre in Liverpool.
She was put through to a guy named Duncan and after berating the poor boy on the phone for near half an hour she finally let him speak and in his discretion he managed to get her bill cut in half. That should have been the end of the call but it wasn't she kept talking, because she liked the sound of his voice. So she said it was nothing personal, he said it was all the same to him he would feel the same, the phone call went on and ended with the two exchanging their numbers. Yea you read that right she got the number of a guy in a call centre she didn't know anything about other than the fact that she liked his voice.
They text, called and over the next few months they developed a liking for each other, eventually she booked flights to Liverpool to visit him, and he did the same to visit her, a few trips back and forth and she eventually moved to Liverpool to be with him. They are now married they live together and I think she was pregnant last time I heard, the baby would be born by now I reckon. So yea, if you think the story of the guy and girl who met through a call centre is unbelievable, it's actually true so go figure - truth is sometimes stranger than fiction.
The Fiction: Love on the Line
Hasan Patel was born and raised in Dhaka in Bengal, India. He worked in a call centre for a British telecoms company handling account enquiries. He was relatively lucky to have a job that was comfortable for he knew people who had far worse jobs than he. the money was crap but he made a living that was all that mattered to him. The call centre had a practice, that no employee used their real names, instead they had to have 'Anglicised' names or names that did anything but imply they were foreign to their customers. Hasan got to pick his name and he chose the name Peter Bridges. He quite liked the name and quite liked the idea of Britain as a whole. He wanted to travel to London and see the sights, yet he would probably never be able to afford it.
He handled many calls, some were happy customers making silly enquiries of little importance but occasionally they got a 'screamer' - a customer that require you turn down the volume on the headset lest you go deaf for the tirade of abuse you were about to receive. He'd heard it all before of course and didn't take much notice. It doesn't take long working in a call centre before you realise that the call means a lot more to the customer than it does to you. All you care about are your key performance indicators, the number of calls you get through having satisfied the customer.
On one particular day Hasan had a call from a young woman from London, who had recently been travelling around Ireland and had been charged roaming costs to her contract. She was livid for the charges, she didn't think Ireland was 'foreign' and didn't justify the extortionate amounts it cost to phone home while she was there - she was only to happy to let Hasan become aware of this fact, and one might have thought everyone within a five mile radius would have heard her too. Her name was Jenny and she had a set of lungs on her that could make any Italian Opera singer quiver. Needless to say for the first half of the call Hasan's volume control was at near-mute listening only for when she would stop to draw breath.
After some time he managed to calm her down and agreed to reduce her bill but not to write off the costs entirely. She eventually conceded after a long drawn out tirade of yet more abuse. When she was calm yet again she told him it wasn't his fault but didn't but didn't apologise for the abuse. They spoke a while longer and she took a liking to his voice and asked him where he was exactly, he lied and told her he was in the UK, he didn't know if she believed him or not but either way, she asked him for his number but he refused stating company policy forbid exchanging personal details - which it did, despite this she decided she didn't want to leave it like that so she gave him her email address. He could not write it down but it was easily remembered.
A few hours later while on lunch break he sat staring at the computer screen in contemplation, he hesitated but then gave in. He set up an email account in the UK with his name Peter Bridges and sent her an email. He didn't expect it to go any further. Over the coming weeks they shared many things by email and eventually he told her the truth about where he was and how he lived. She didn't reply for a few days but eventually he checked his email in hope one day to find a single email in his inbox, it was from her. They continued talking, yet more weeks passed and as things came to a head she asked if he would mind if she came to Dhaka to visit him, knowing he would not be able to go to the UK to visit her.
They spent two weeks together in Dhaka, his days spent at work his nights with her and weekends together. His feelings for her grew stronger. She flew back to the UK and they stayed in touch, sharing emails, talking over the internet as he visit internet cafés in his spare time. She came back to Dhaka once again to visit him and since he had let her come and go once before without sharing how he really felt he let her know his true feelings. She was not surprised and she felt the same. Over the next few months a lot of things passed but in the end Jenny paid for flights for Hasan to come to London, he applied for a visa and he stayed with her. He found a job, in a call centre in the UK. You might think that is odd but it was all he knew, he was certainly experienced and he knew exactly how to handle people. The money was a bonus too, he was paid ten times his weekly wage in Dhaka per hour for the same work and he was in London the city he had longed to visit and most importantly he was with Jenny, the girl he loved. They got married, he gained a wife and in the process citizenship to the UK - he would never again have to leave the girl he loved and he would never have to leave him.
The Reality: When Sally met Duncan
If you are my friend on facebook you may have seen this story before, when it actually happened: [names are changed for anonymity of course]
A friend of mine knows a girl who shall we say is a little eccentric, but in all is a typical Norn Iron girl, up for a laugh and give anything a go. Despite her good nature she has a mean streak too and woe betide anyone who in her eyes should be taking "liberties" or putting her in any position where she feels used for she won't be long in letting you know how she really feels and she's quick to throw a punch - yes I assure you girls can throw a punch and you certainly wouldn't want to be on the end of hers. One day her phone bill came in, being on contract there is always the risk that it could be higher than you expect and on this occasion it was. She was livid and as she called the company all the "robbing bastards" of the day she got on the phone to them and got put through to a call centre in Liverpool.
She was put through to a guy named Duncan and after berating the poor boy on the phone for near half an hour she finally let him speak and in his discretion he managed to get her bill cut in half. That should have been the end of the call but it wasn't she kept talking, because she liked the sound of his voice. So she said it was nothing personal, he said it was all the same to him he would feel the same, the phone call went on and ended with the two exchanging their numbers. Yea you read that right she got the number of a guy in a call centre she didn't know anything about other than the fact that she liked his voice.
They text, called and over the next few months they developed a liking for each other, eventually she booked flights to Liverpool to visit him, and he did the same to visit her, a few trips back and forth and she eventually moved to Liverpool to be with him. They are now married they live together and I think she was pregnant last time I heard, the baby would be born by now I reckon. So yea, if you think the story of the guy and girl who met through a call centre is unbelievable, it's actually true so go figure - truth is sometimes stranger than fiction.
Wear Sunscreen
Something Random:
Lyrics:
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '97.
Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience...
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh never mind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked...
You're not as fat as you Imagine.
Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind.
The kind that blind side you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy;
Sometimes you're ahead,
Sometimes You're behind.
The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults;
If you Succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your
Life.
The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.
Whatever you do, don't Congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either.
Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body, Use it every way you can... Don't be afraid of it, or what other people Think of it,
It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own...
Dance... even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Brother and sister together we'll make it through
Someday your spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurting, but I've been waiting to be there
For you.
And I'll be there, just tell me now, whenever I can.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings;
They are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard;
Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will Philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you.
Maybe you have a trust fund, Maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen...
(Brother and sister together we'll make it through
Someday your spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurting, but I've been waiting to be there
For you. And I'll be there, just tell me now, whenever I can.
Everybody's free.)
Wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience...
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh never mind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked...
You're not as fat as you Imagine.
Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind.
The kind that blind side you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy;
Sometimes you're ahead,
Sometimes You're behind.
The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults;
If you Succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your
Life.
The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.
Whatever you do, don't Congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either.
Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body, Use it every way you can... Don't be afraid of it, or what other people Think of it,
It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own...
Dance... even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Brother and sister together we'll make it through
Someday your spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurting, but I've been waiting to be there
For you.
And I'll be there, just tell me now, whenever I can.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings;
They are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard;
Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will Philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you.
Maybe you have a trust fund, Maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen...
(Brother and sister together we'll make it through
Someday your spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurting, but I've been waiting to be there
For you. And I'll be there, just tell me now, whenever I can.
Everybody's free.)
Halloween Movies
Halloween is fast approaching and in the spirit or lack of as the case may be I thought I'd share something that has been playing on my mind - Halloween Movies.
They suck. There has not been a good one in years. In my youth Wes Craven was a God but even now the Scream franchise has been bled dry - quite apt given the amount of blood he used in those movies. Gone still are the movies that as a child scared the shit out of ya, nightmare on elm street and Freddy Krueger are irreplaceable. Even so on the lighter side of things even the parody / spoof movies have dried up. The Scary Movie franchise has been bled dry too - although to be fair when you create a sub-genre like that it can't exactly persist if the genre as a whole is failing.
I Know What You Did Last Summer, Valentine, Scream, Scary Movie, Nightmare on Elm Street, to name but a few. In recent years the movie industry has not fed our appetite, year on year for almost 5 or 6 years each Halloween they released yet another Saw Movie - that franchise has really been overdone. These movies miss the point of Halloween, these movies aren't meant to be gore and disgusting to watch, they are meant to be scary.
I want proper Halloween Movies again! I want movies that are going to scare the shit out of you, not ones that are potentially gonna make you puke.
Or at the very least, bring back Movies that on some level play to our darker sense of humour, like the Child's Play Movies and the Chucky Movies - Bride of Chucky and Seed of Chucky. Bride of Chucky starring the amazing Jennifer Tilly as Tiffany whose voice is the epitome of the saying "It's like hot honey dribbling down a gang plank"
They suck. There has not been a good one in years. In my youth Wes Craven was a God but even now the Scream franchise has been bled dry - quite apt given the amount of blood he used in those movies. Gone still are the movies that as a child scared the shit out of ya, nightmare on elm street and Freddy Krueger are irreplaceable. Even so on the lighter side of things even the parody / spoof movies have dried up. The Scary Movie franchise has been bled dry too - although to be fair when you create a sub-genre like that it can't exactly persist if the genre as a whole is failing.
I Know What You Did Last Summer, Valentine, Scream, Scary Movie, Nightmare on Elm Street, to name but a few. In recent years the movie industry has not fed our appetite, year on year for almost 5 or 6 years each Halloween they released yet another Saw Movie - that franchise has really been overdone. These movies miss the point of Halloween, these movies aren't meant to be gore and disgusting to watch, they are meant to be scary.
I want proper Halloween Movies again! I want movies that are going to scare the shit out of you, not ones that are potentially gonna make you puke.
Or at the very least, bring back Movies that on some level play to our darker sense of humour, like the Child's Play Movies and the Chucky Movies - Bride of Chucky and Seed of Chucky. Bride of Chucky starring the amazing Jennifer Tilly as Tiffany whose voice is the epitome of the saying "It's like hot honey dribbling down a gang plank"
Like, Lust and Love
I find myself quoting a guy I despise, well despise is a bit of a harsh word, I don't particularly despise him, I despise the circumstances through which we came to meet. Truth be told I don't know that much about him through firsthand experience, all I know of him I have learned through others, and as age will often teach, the opinions of others, more often than not, will be warped.
Anyway this is beside the point. When I first met him in person it was in London and we spoke of many things, but one thing in particular stuck with me for some time and that was his philosophy of the three L's. Like, Lust and Love. He said that everyone will meet three people in their life, three separate people. One will be their first like, one their first lust and one their first love. The ideal order being Like, Lust then Love although not necessarily in that order.
Your first like you may be any age and you may not fully understand it when it happens. To like, does not imply any degree of attraction. To like someone is to form a connection with them, a desire to be near them and to be their friend. I experienced my first like when I was barely a teenager and in many ways I still like him, even though we don't speak any more.
Your first lust will be the first person you develop true sexual feelings of attraction for. This may be someone in your life or it could be a celebrity or anyone really. My first lust was a guy in my class. That eventually ran its course though, as all lust it seems will run its course, either dying of its own accord or developing into something more.
Finally your first love is the first person you truly fall for. On this final one I could write a book and I don't particularly feel like sharing my feelings on this matter right now as it would be a case of endless repetition.
So we have our three L's. As I said before and as He said too, they will be three separate people. You may experience all three with people but in terms of who will hold the title of first, only one title of each can be held by any one person, reason being if you are with someone, only one of these desires should ultimately define your relationship. You can lust after the one you love, but love trumps lust, they hold the title of love and so on.
So what is the point of all this? Well the point is to ask yourself a few questions, namely for each of the above who was your first and most importantly can you tell the difference?
Some experience their first like, and mistake it for love or lust and pursue that person that leads to things like the 40 year old married guy with 2 kids who is a repressed homosexual because he mistook like for lust, only to finally experience his first lust which then causes his world to tumble down and that of all around him.
Then there is the person who experiences their first like, then they experience their first lust and mistake lust for love. They pursue their lust and end up married, and several years down the line they are not happy and both know it was a mistake but refuse to admit it to one another or worse still [in my eyes] they have an open relationship as they hold on to that last bastion of pride that insists in their mind that they were not wrong that they really loved the other person and that they just need to have different sexual partners.
Then we have the ideal, the person who has experienced their first like, known what it is to like someone and be liked. They have experienced their first lust, known what it is to lust after someone and be lust after themselves. They have experienced their first love, and maybe they end up being with their first love, maybe they spend the rest of their lives together or maybe they end up with their second or their third or whatever.
The reality though is that all of the above is opinion it's not fact, it will make a lot of sense to some people and it will be complete bullshit to others. Wherever you fall on your judgement of all that is written here I still ask of you the same questions, who was the first person you liked, the first you lust after and the first you loved? Where they different people or did you only have one? Most importantly, can you tell the difference? Not just in hindsight but in the moment when you feel these feelings can you tell which is which?
Anyway this is beside the point. When I first met him in person it was in London and we spoke of many things, but one thing in particular stuck with me for some time and that was his philosophy of the three L's. Like, Lust and Love. He said that everyone will meet three people in their life, three separate people. One will be their first like, one their first lust and one their first love. The ideal order being Like, Lust then Love although not necessarily in that order.
Your first like you may be any age and you may not fully understand it when it happens. To like, does not imply any degree of attraction. To like someone is to form a connection with them, a desire to be near them and to be their friend. I experienced my first like when I was barely a teenager and in many ways I still like him, even though we don't speak any more.
Your first lust will be the first person you develop true sexual feelings of attraction for. This may be someone in your life or it could be a celebrity or anyone really. My first lust was a guy in my class. That eventually ran its course though, as all lust it seems will run its course, either dying of its own accord or developing into something more.
Finally your first love is the first person you truly fall for. On this final one I could write a book and I don't particularly feel like sharing my feelings on this matter right now as it would be a case of endless repetition.
So we have our three L's. As I said before and as He said too, they will be three separate people. You may experience all three with people but in terms of who will hold the title of first, only one title of each can be held by any one person, reason being if you are with someone, only one of these desires should ultimately define your relationship. You can lust after the one you love, but love trumps lust, they hold the title of love and so on.
So what is the point of all this? Well the point is to ask yourself a few questions, namely for each of the above who was your first and most importantly can you tell the difference?
Some experience their first like, and mistake it for love or lust and pursue that person that leads to things like the 40 year old married guy with 2 kids who is a repressed homosexual because he mistook like for lust, only to finally experience his first lust which then causes his world to tumble down and that of all around him.
Then there is the person who experiences their first like, then they experience their first lust and mistake lust for love. They pursue their lust and end up married, and several years down the line they are not happy and both know it was a mistake but refuse to admit it to one another or worse still [in my eyes] they have an open relationship as they hold on to that last bastion of pride that insists in their mind that they were not wrong that they really loved the other person and that they just need to have different sexual partners.
Then we have the ideal, the person who has experienced their first like, known what it is to like someone and be liked. They have experienced their first lust, known what it is to lust after someone and be lust after themselves. They have experienced their first love, and maybe they end up being with their first love, maybe they spend the rest of their lives together or maybe they end up with their second or their third or whatever.
The reality though is that all of the above is opinion it's not fact, it will make a lot of sense to some people and it will be complete bullshit to others. Wherever you fall on your judgement of all that is written here I still ask of you the same questions, who was the first person you liked, the first you lust after and the first you loved? Where they different people or did you only have one? Most importantly, can you tell the difference? Not just in hindsight but in the moment when you feel these feelings can you tell which is which?
Elijah
There is a cave within the Earth hidden deep under ground farther down than any man has ever been. Within this cave lies all the desires of Mankind everything he could ever want. Riches beyond any man's wildest dreams, gems and jewels of unquantifiable worth and rarity, and the power to bend and shape the will of all mankind into the design of your own choosing.
That cave is hidden far beyond our reach yet we have searched for thousands of years for its entrance for the path that will take us there. All this has been in vain yet ne'er a man existed that set forth in search of that cave whose story was not immortalised in myths and legends. The Cave of Secrets, The Cave of Treasures, The Mystical cave, this place has known many names. This cave was sought for thousands of years and never found - until one man came forth and set about on an amazing journey to find this cave, his name, was Elijah.
Within this man the Gods had entrusted and the fates had smiled upon him, for they knew alike that this man had been blessed with virtue, for he did not seek the cave in desire of its contents but instead sought the cave in the pursuit of knowledge and truth.
For thousands of years hundreds of men set upon this quest and fell to their death, consumed by greed and their lust for power. However as is often the way with destiny, fate it seems is not without a sense of irony. For knowing this man's great destiny and the great path he would one day walk, his beginnings where all but humble and his adolescence would be wrought with turmoil, for before he could know truth and honesty he first sat at the table of darkness where he did feast upon deceit, vindictiveness, callousness and dishonour.
That cave is hidden far beyond our reach yet we have searched for thousands of years for its entrance for the path that will take us there. All this has been in vain yet ne'er a man existed that set forth in search of that cave whose story was not immortalised in myths and legends. The Cave of Secrets, The Cave of Treasures, The Mystical cave, this place has known many names. This cave was sought for thousands of years and never found - until one man came forth and set about on an amazing journey to find this cave, his name, was Elijah.
Within this man the Gods had entrusted and the fates had smiled upon him, for they knew alike that this man had been blessed with virtue, for he did not seek the cave in desire of its contents but instead sought the cave in the pursuit of knowledge and truth.
For thousands of years hundreds of men set upon this quest and fell to their death, consumed by greed and their lust for power. However as is often the way with destiny, fate it seems is not without a sense of irony. For knowing this man's great destiny and the great path he would one day walk, his beginnings where all but humble and his adolescence would be wrought with turmoil, for before he could know truth and honesty he first sat at the table of darkness where he did feast upon deceit, vindictiveness, callousness and dishonour.
Distraction and Procrastination
Each with subtle differences they both more or less allude to the same thing, i.e. doing something else instead of what you should be doing. In many ways for me right now writing this post is procrastination as there are a few others things I should really be doing right now.
In listening to her words she hits the nail on the head. I love Ellen she's one of my favourite comedians. Anyway the key words she keeps going back to are "I thought about it..." and "I thought..." and therein lies the problem. Thinking. No matter what it is you are meant to be doing, thinking will distract you. There's a quote from one of my favourite Movies, if you know the movie you'll know the scene: "Do not think, become!". [10th Kingdom]
If you want to beat procrastination and stay focused you need to stop thinking about the things you want to do and just do them. This post is motivated in part by a friend who had some Uni coursework to hand in and left it to the final days to actually work on it - for the record I did that too so I'm quite a hypocrite for standing on my soapbox right now, but what I did and what I should have done are not necessarily the same thing.
How do you beat procrastination? How do you stay focused in your work?
In listening to her words she hits the nail on the head. I love Ellen she's one of my favourite comedians. Anyway the key words she keeps going back to are "I thought about it..." and "I thought..." and therein lies the problem. Thinking. No matter what it is you are meant to be doing, thinking will distract you. There's a quote from one of my favourite Movies, if you know the movie you'll know the scene: "Do not think, become!". [10th Kingdom]
If you want to beat procrastination and stay focused you need to stop thinking about the things you want to do and just do them. This post is motivated in part by a friend who had some Uni coursework to hand in and left it to the final days to actually work on it - for the record I did that too so I'm quite a hypocrite for standing on my soapbox right now, but what I did and what I should have done are not necessarily the same thing.
How do you beat procrastination? How do you stay focused in your work?
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