This list started with Gwen Stefani and 'Love Angel Music Baby' an album that ranks high in my music library. I thought it would only be fitting to end this list where it began with another album by Gwen Stefani, this time 'This Is What the Truth Feels Like' which was released in 2016. This album didn't do as well as LAMB but I think that it deserves much more love than it received.
The quasi title track 'Truth' talks about being honest about your feelings and the liberation that is felt when you do. The lyrics to the chorus "So this is what the truth feels like, This is more of what I had in mind, Yeah, this is what the truth feels like, And I'm feeling it, I'm feeling it, Something about this just feels so right, alright?" talks about that moment of revelation and liberation. The song itself is a narrative composition telling the story of a lover that admits their desire for something more, to commit to a life together rather than just taking it one day at a time.
This doesn't always end well, moving too fast too soon can make everything fall apart, this is something I have experience of which is why the track 'Used To Love You' speaks so much. The lyrics "I don't know why I cry, But I think it's cause I remembered for the first time, Since I hated you, That I used to love you" talks about the resentment and hatred you can feel for how things ended, the tempest that rages eventually gives way to clear skies and with that clarity you look back and feel emotion you allow yourself to feel for the first time once more that the reason you were so upset about it ending was because what you felt was real, that is the true moment of realisation of loss and the path to grieving and acceptance.
There are tracks on this album that feel as though they belonged on other albums released by Gwen, none exemplifies this feeling more than 'Naughty' which feels like it should have been part of 'The Sweet Escape' released in 2006 with its parallels to vibes of '4 In The Morning' and 'Yummy' from that album.
I'd like to close off this list talking about one last track from this album. 'Rare' is a track that talks about recognising in others the qualities and the personality traits that are a rarity in the world. I mentioned before in this series of posts that I have been lucky enough to meet some incredible people with one in particular in my mind this song articulates the sentiment I hold in my heart, "I am broken, I am insecure, Complicated, oh yeah, that's for sure, I feel worthless, I've been hurt so bad, I get nervous you won't love me back" these feelings don't surface as much as they used to thankfully, but in those moments of darkness, these words describe that feeling that takes hold, when you think of all those who love and care about you and you begin to doubt yourself so much that you doubt your perceptions and convince yourself that nothing is real, you convince yourself in those moments that you are worthless and nobody could ever truly love you. Like I said these feelings don't surface as much in my life now thankfully.
This series of posts took a lot of effort to write but I enjoyed the journey that they took me through. I set out to create a series of posts that would give a much deeper insight into my life and my mind and tell you more about my life story than the regular posts on this blog convey. I think this series has managed to achieve that objective and maybe even in some cases it went beyond it and shared too much but every word was true and represents a reflection of who and what I am and how I got here.
We all live lives that take us through a maelstrom of emotions and a labyrinth of thoughts. We need perspective in life and context to keep ourselves grounded, to be able to see beyond the here and now and know that times of trouble will pass and we will survive and that we will feel happiness again. Focusing on that journey is what will keep you alive, as long as you keep moving along that path and remember to live then you will survive. The night always gives way to day in the end, even in Tromsø the sun will rise again.
Facing The Future
In philosophy and mythology there are two concepts that are often considered to be synonymous - fate, and destiny both of which relate to the nature of choice. There is a subtle difference between the two, destiny deals with the concept of a final destination, or a final state that you are fated to achieve, but crucially destiny can be rejected, even if embraced it is not something that is guaranteed to happen but rather it represents an expectation that may not be met.
Fate on the other hand deals more with the concept of choices made along the way and the idea that free will is ultimately an illusion. Fate takes the idea that there are set points in your life's journey that you will pass through no matter what choices you make those moments still come to pass. Fate can best be depicted through the Greek legend of Cassandra, who was cursed with foresight able to see what would come to pass but ultimately she learns that her choices do not matter, whether she intervenes or abstains the same outcome persists regardless.
Music Monday #51: Rainbow by Kesha
Returning one last time to Kesha, the last album of hers I want to include on this list is 'Rainbow' released in 2017 this album goes with the same disclaimer as before, I don't advocate buying it because of the business links that still exist attached to it. Beyond the politics however the fact that Kesha wrote or co-wrote every track bar 2 means the message and meaning of each track can be taken at face value. Given all she went through, as an artist you express yourself through your art, so that's the best place to start to gain an insight into their psyche and the fact the very first track on the album is called 'Bastards' I think sums up pointedly how Kesha felt.
The first single released from this album was 'Praying' which opens with the lyrics "Well, you almost had me fooled, Told me that I was nothing without you, Oh, but after everything you've done, I can thank you for how strong I have become" these are referencing all she has been through, how fucked up the whole journey has been but by virtue of the fact she is still alive and now stronger than ever she's basically saying "Fuck you" and trying to move on. The lyrics continue "’Cause you brought the flames and you put me through hell, I had to learn how to fight for myself, And we both know all the truth I could tell, I'll just say this is I wish you farewell" these lyrics speak of the baptism of fire that anoints true warriors, those that aren't consumed by the flames emerge from them reborn. Praying is about refusing to be a victim, it is about empowerment, and about recognising how pitiful those people are who have to resort to the oppression of others to get what they want.
My favourite track on this album continues this narrative in 'Learn To Let Go' which opens with "Been a prisoner of the past, Had a bitterness when I looked back, Was telling everyone it's not that bad, ’Til all my shit hit the fan" which speaks about the prison like mentality that we adapt when we give power to the events in our past, binding ourselves to the past refusing to see the reality that we live in the present, we have a future, and it's up to us where we go from here. The lyrics continue with the message "I know I'm always like, Telling everybody you don't gotta be a victim, Life ain’t always fair, but hell is living in resentment, Choose redemption, your happy ending's up to you" a verse about accepting you are in control of your fate and you can move on, this verse speaks to the personal growth Kesha has achieved as she moves on with her life. The chorus is the most emphatic part of this whole song "I think it's time to practice what I preach, Exorcise the demons inside me, Whoa, gotta learn to let it go, The past can't haunt me if I don't let it, Live and learn and never forget it, Whoa, gotta learn to let it go" which speaks to the truth that in life we often know the answer and know what we should do because when other people present their problems to us we offer advice to them but that advice is rarely advice we take ourselves when we find ourselves in those situations. This chorus is about recognising this wisdom that already exists within ourselves and applying it to our own lives as we would call on others to do.
Kesha's journey shares many parallels with my own and as I have touched on before I believe each of her albums can be taken in the context of the period of time in her life that they reflect. Kesha was 30 at the time of Rainbow's release, the album recounts her 20s and looks back on her life with a new perspective and a new maturity. Rainbow was the first album where Kesha dropped the Ke$ha moniker a decision she said she came to during her time in rehab. The motivation behind the change was the desire to be truer to herself which throws into question how strongly she held the beliefs her music embodied earlier in her career. Personally I choose to believe that her voice was true, in defence of a belief I have lived my life by, I have very few regrets in life because everything I did was done because of choices that I believed at the time were right, and that I made knowing only what I knew then. I don't think it is fair to judge your past self by the knowledge you have now and by the experience you have now because if you had either of those back then you probably would have made different choices.
I don't regret much in my life because I am who I am because of the journey that got me here and if I could give Kesha one piece of advice the same goes to everyone reading this it would simply be, to make peace with yourself and accept yourself you have to accept yourself not just as who you are here in this moment but who you were, and who you will become even if those versions of you may seem alien to you in this moment. If I put myself in a room with myself from 10 years ago and myself from 10 years from now, I can guarantee within minutes there would be heated arguments about anything and everything you can think of, we grow as people and we evolve, we're always changing and that's okay. You don't need to justify who you are to anyone, you are who you are, or in your own words, "We R Who We R" - that song you wrote for us in the LGBT community, find strength in your own words were others have.
The first single released from this album was 'Praying' which opens with the lyrics "Well, you almost had me fooled, Told me that I was nothing without you, Oh, but after everything you've done, I can thank you for how strong I have become" these are referencing all she has been through, how fucked up the whole journey has been but by virtue of the fact she is still alive and now stronger than ever she's basically saying "Fuck you" and trying to move on. The lyrics continue "’Cause you brought the flames and you put me through hell, I had to learn how to fight for myself, And we both know all the truth I could tell, I'll just say this is I wish you farewell" these lyrics speak of the baptism of fire that anoints true warriors, those that aren't consumed by the flames emerge from them reborn. Praying is about refusing to be a victim, it is about empowerment, and about recognising how pitiful those people are who have to resort to the oppression of others to get what they want.
My favourite track on this album continues this narrative in 'Learn To Let Go' which opens with "Been a prisoner of the past, Had a bitterness when I looked back, Was telling everyone it's not that bad, ’Til all my shit hit the fan" which speaks about the prison like mentality that we adapt when we give power to the events in our past, binding ourselves to the past refusing to see the reality that we live in the present, we have a future, and it's up to us where we go from here. The lyrics continue with the message "I know I'm always like, Telling everybody you don't gotta be a victim, Life ain’t always fair, but hell is living in resentment, Choose redemption, your happy ending's up to you" a verse about accepting you are in control of your fate and you can move on, this verse speaks to the personal growth Kesha has achieved as she moves on with her life. The chorus is the most emphatic part of this whole song "I think it's time to practice what I preach, Exorcise the demons inside me, Whoa, gotta learn to let it go, The past can't haunt me if I don't let it, Live and learn and never forget it, Whoa, gotta learn to let it go" which speaks to the truth that in life we often know the answer and know what we should do because when other people present their problems to us we offer advice to them but that advice is rarely advice we take ourselves when we find ourselves in those situations. This chorus is about recognising this wisdom that already exists within ourselves and applying it to our own lives as we would call on others to do.
Kesha's journey shares many parallels with my own and as I have touched on before I believe each of her albums can be taken in the context of the period of time in her life that they reflect. Kesha was 30 at the time of Rainbow's release, the album recounts her 20s and looks back on her life with a new perspective and a new maturity. Rainbow was the first album where Kesha dropped the Ke$ha moniker a decision she said she came to during her time in rehab. The motivation behind the change was the desire to be truer to herself which throws into question how strongly she held the beliefs her music embodied earlier in her career. Personally I choose to believe that her voice was true, in defence of a belief I have lived my life by, I have very few regrets in life because everything I did was done because of choices that I believed at the time were right, and that I made knowing only what I knew then. I don't think it is fair to judge your past self by the knowledge you have now and by the experience you have now because if you had either of those back then you probably would have made different choices.
I don't regret much in my life because I am who I am because of the journey that got me here and if I could give Kesha one piece of advice the same goes to everyone reading this it would simply be, to make peace with yourself and accept yourself you have to accept yourself not just as who you are here in this moment but who you were, and who you will become even if those versions of you may seem alien to you in this moment. If I put myself in a room with myself from 10 years ago and myself from 10 years from now, I can guarantee within minutes there would be heated arguments about anything and everything you can think of, we grow as people and we evolve, we're always changing and that's okay. You don't need to justify who you are to anyone, you are who you are, or in your own words, "We R Who We R" - that song you wrote for us in the LGBT community, find strength in your own words were others have.
How do you find inspiration?
Inspiration plays a big part in the life or a writer in two main ways. The first is when inspiration kindles the desire to write, and the second is when it gives the writer focus on what to write about. Finding inspiration on demand is not an easy feat, but you can improve your chances of achieving this goal. For most people this will require a journey of self discovery to find what motivates you, where your desires lie, and ultimately the revelation of the true reason why you want to write in the first place. You will know you have reached the end of this journey when you know yourself and you can answer the questions, what are your fears, your hopes, what makes you smile, laugh, and cry; when you can answer these questions, with answers that are truly honest, not flippant, but answers that make you uncomfortable, make you feel vulnerable, that alter your mood, then you will be ready.
Music Monday #50: Born Naked by RuPaul
With a music career that spans 4 decades and 12 albums at the time of writing, RuPaul has been around the block more times than I can count. As the world's most famous drag queen, throughout his career RuPaul both in and out of Drag has experimented, never afraid to try new things this is reflected in his discography. Released in 2014 'Born Naked' was an album that saw Ru depart from his comfort zone and venture into electronic music incorporating gospel music featuring soul singer Clairy Browne, and bounce music featuring Big Freedia this album was by definition experimented for Ru. To date his best selling album the tracks are positive, upbeat, and uplifting.
The title track 'Born Naked' inspired by one of his catchphrases from RuPaul's Drag Race "We're all born naked and the rest is drag" the lyrics reflect this belief and create a narrative about self discovery and self acceptance. The lyrics put this question direct to the listener "Who? Who do you think you are? Who do you think you are? I'm tellin' the truth now, We're all born naked and the rest is drag" the message here is that everything you are is a costume, a drag, you are what you make of yourself and who you choose to be, people will try and tell you who you are but they don't get to decide the answer to that question you do. You can be whoever you want to be, play whatever role you want to play in this life, the opening verse epitomises this belief "Who you waitin' for? Another savior, Always lookin' but you never find, never find, Wakin' up from another night gone, Always lookin' but you never find, never find" these words are telling you that if you forever wait for someone to save you then you'll never find them because we have to save ourselves in life.
Despite this powerful message that I wanted to open with, this wasn't the first track I fell in love with on this album, that was 'Fly Tonight' a duet with Frankmusik for the lyrics "Daydreams not enough for us, We can't hide behind this feeling, Losers find a place for love, Up above the clouds" which is about letting go of the world in the physical sense and elevating your consciousness to a level above dreams, this touches on something that is conflated a lot with Electronic Dance Music and that is the search for an elevated conscious. For most people that means drugs, because they see them as a shortcut to that state of mind, this more than anything is why they are associated so heavily with EDM in general. There are ways to achieve that state of mind without the use of drugs but they require a lot of effort which most people aren't willing to put in. Fly Tonight is about achieving that state of mind, something that I can do without drugs but I know that comes from decades of exposure to EDM and a deeper understanding of myself and my body. When I talk about trance music in particular being literally a genre of music intended to induce a trance, this is what I mean.
The other track from this album that instantly resonated with me was 'Dance With U' which again talks about letting go, this time to get lost in music itself and go with the rhythm, to dance and forget about the world. The lyrics read "Turn the lights down now, Turn the music loud, I wanna dance, Lights down now, Turn the music loud, I wanna dance" this epitomises my relationship with music, but it also epitomises my relationship with sex, for a time sex was an escape for me from reality because in that moment when you devote your entire consciousness to one another you forget about the world and you get to experience euphoria and ecstasy wrapped up in desire and pure self expression.
I like this whole album from start to finish but there's one more track I want to pay particular attention to and that is 'Let The Music Play' a duet between RuPaul and his closest friend Michelle Visage. The track tells the story of a friendship that was meant to be from the start, but life gets in the way and tears it apart but in the end life brings them back together again and it grows stronger than ever before. This is something that strikes a chord with me because there have been people in my life that I have been close to, people who were part of my life when I needed them most, people who for one reason or another we parted ways. With more than a few of these people I would like them back in my life but that's not always possible, sometimes the things that split you apart are things you just can't forget.
The lyrics are something that I long for rather than something I have experienced first-hand. The lyrics before the chorus read "But it wasn't for long, cause our love was never broken, Everything that went wrong, went right out into the open, All the words to our song sound like, sounded like a duet, Like a duet, sounded like a duet, sounded like a duet" this speaks of the feeling that I share, of still holding love for the people you lost, that much was never lost. The idea that you feel as though something is missing because they should have been there is reflected in the lyrics "There are things I learned (There were things I tried), But we still got burned (When the music died), An empty place, never felt like home, (No one by my side, I was out there on my own)" tells a story in parallel of two people living their lives separately who feel the same way despite that separation.
Conflict isn't always easy to resolve, it can be harder still when those of us who shy away from it pre-empt that conflict and bow out of the fight before it ever gets a chance to surface. This desire to leave on a high before things are ruined forever has led me to walk away from some people in my life because resolution was something that I could never see as a possibility, sometimes that came out of recognition of how stubborn we both were and the belief that this would cause a stand off, but sometimes it came out of recognition that some thoughts and feelings can't be helped and can't be changed, my journey through Cognitive Behavioural Therapy taught me this, when thoughts are always preceded by emotion they are hardest to control because you can't inherently control emotions, they control you.
Born Naked as an album and a concept is accepting yourself for who you are, the naked self and realising that is what you have to work with in life, recognising what is and is not part of you allows you to realise what you are truly capable of achieving.
The title track 'Born Naked' inspired by one of his catchphrases from RuPaul's Drag Race "We're all born naked and the rest is drag" the lyrics reflect this belief and create a narrative about self discovery and self acceptance. The lyrics put this question direct to the listener "Who? Who do you think you are? Who do you think you are? I'm tellin' the truth now, We're all born naked and the rest is drag" the message here is that everything you are is a costume, a drag, you are what you make of yourself and who you choose to be, people will try and tell you who you are but they don't get to decide the answer to that question you do. You can be whoever you want to be, play whatever role you want to play in this life, the opening verse epitomises this belief "Who you waitin' for? Another savior, Always lookin' but you never find, never find, Wakin' up from another night gone, Always lookin' but you never find, never find" these words are telling you that if you forever wait for someone to save you then you'll never find them because we have to save ourselves in life.
Despite this powerful message that I wanted to open with, this wasn't the first track I fell in love with on this album, that was 'Fly Tonight' a duet with Frankmusik for the lyrics "Daydreams not enough for us, We can't hide behind this feeling, Losers find a place for love, Up above the clouds" which is about letting go of the world in the physical sense and elevating your consciousness to a level above dreams, this touches on something that is conflated a lot with Electronic Dance Music and that is the search for an elevated conscious. For most people that means drugs, because they see them as a shortcut to that state of mind, this more than anything is why they are associated so heavily with EDM in general. There are ways to achieve that state of mind without the use of drugs but they require a lot of effort which most people aren't willing to put in. Fly Tonight is about achieving that state of mind, something that I can do without drugs but I know that comes from decades of exposure to EDM and a deeper understanding of myself and my body. When I talk about trance music in particular being literally a genre of music intended to induce a trance, this is what I mean.
The other track from this album that instantly resonated with me was 'Dance With U' which again talks about letting go, this time to get lost in music itself and go with the rhythm, to dance and forget about the world. The lyrics read "Turn the lights down now, Turn the music loud, I wanna dance, Lights down now, Turn the music loud, I wanna dance" this epitomises my relationship with music, but it also epitomises my relationship with sex, for a time sex was an escape for me from reality because in that moment when you devote your entire consciousness to one another you forget about the world and you get to experience euphoria and ecstasy wrapped up in desire and pure self expression.
I like this whole album from start to finish but there's one more track I want to pay particular attention to and that is 'Let The Music Play' a duet between RuPaul and his closest friend Michelle Visage. The track tells the story of a friendship that was meant to be from the start, but life gets in the way and tears it apart but in the end life brings them back together again and it grows stronger than ever before. This is something that strikes a chord with me because there have been people in my life that I have been close to, people who were part of my life when I needed them most, people who for one reason or another we parted ways. With more than a few of these people I would like them back in my life but that's not always possible, sometimes the things that split you apart are things you just can't forget.
The lyrics are something that I long for rather than something I have experienced first-hand. The lyrics before the chorus read "But it wasn't for long, cause our love was never broken, Everything that went wrong, went right out into the open, All the words to our song sound like, sounded like a duet, Like a duet, sounded like a duet, sounded like a duet" this speaks of the feeling that I share, of still holding love for the people you lost, that much was never lost. The idea that you feel as though something is missing because they should have been there is reflected in the lyrics "There are things I learned (There were things I tried), But we still got burned (When the music died), An empty place, never felt like home, (No one by my side, I was out there on my own)" tells a story in parallel of two people living their lives separately who feel the same way despite that separation.
Conflict isn't always easy to resolve, it can be harder still when those of us who shy away from it pre-empt that conflict and bow out of the fight before it ever gets a chance to surface. This desire to leave on a high before things are ruined forever has led me to walk away from some people in my life because resolution was something that I could never see as a possibility, sometimes that came out of recognition of how stubborn we both were and the belief that this would cause a stand off, but sometimes it came out of recognition that some thoughts and feelings can't be helped and can't be changed, my journey through Cognitive Behavioural Therapy taught me this, when thoughts are always preceded by emotion they are hardest to control because you can't inherently control emotions, they control you.
Born Naked as an album and a concept is accepting yourself for who you are, the naked self and realising that is what you have to work with in life, recognising what is and is not part of you allows you to realise what you are truly capable of achieving.
How do you make your writing more credible?
Credibility can be defined in a number of ways when we speak of narrative fiction. The definition relative to this post is the extent to which your fiction could potentially become fact, or to put it another way, whether your reader can read your writing and believe that could actually happen.
If you only ever write from experience, and write what you already as a result of that experience, the scope of your writing will be very narrow. In time the same story-lines will manifest and the same basic plot will unfold with minor variations. At some point it becomes a necessity to expand your horizons and venture into topics that you have never directly experienced for yourself. When this happens the credibility of your writing will depend almost entirely upon the extent to which you were able to expose yourself to those experiences.
Music Monday #49: Whitney: The Greatest Hits
I love many singers, I love the works of art they have created, I get a lot of enjoyment out of them, and I can see merit in their creations. I connect with different singers for different reasons, some of those singers are well known and others are obscure. When it comes to picking an artist that could live up to the moniker of greatest artist of all time however there are only a handful of artists I would say are contenders for that title. Without a doubt that crown could quite easily go to the late, great, Whitney Houston. Her music career spanned 6 decades, throughout which she released hit after hit. Picking just one album from that time would be incredibly difficult so once again I've gone for the easy option and chosen a compilation album, specifically 'Whitney: The Greatest Hits' released in 2000 although it misses out on the 12 years of her career that followed its release, it still covers most of what I want to talk about.
I have a lot of issues, something which I have made no secret of on this blog, throughout my life I have been on a journey to self acceptance that still hasn't found its end. This journey is perhaps best epitomised by 'Greatest Love Of All' originally released as 'The Greatest Love Of All' in 1977 by George Benson it was 1985 that saw Whitney record and release her version. I regard Whitney's version as the definitive version, something which will happen again before the end of this post [Shhh spoilers] where her version surpassed the original. The lyrics to the song resonate with me, "Because the greatest love of all, Is happening to me, I found the greatest love of all, Inside of me, The greatest love of all, Is easy to achieve, Learning to love yourself, It is the greatest love of all" this sentiment, this message, and this belief are three things that I felt, heard, but did not accept for the longest time in my life. I would be lying if I said I completely accepted this belief now in my life, I am still growing and I have further to walk before that belief is felt within me, but the lyrics remain an aspiration to me.
Sticking with 1985, originally released in the same year was the track 'How Will I Know' which is an anthem of my life, not least of all because I have been in that position so many times much more than I care to admit, those I have touched on in previous posts are the tip of the iceberg. The lyrics, "There's a boy I know, he's the one I dream of, Looks into my eyes, takes me to the clouds above, Ooh I lose control, can't seem to get enough, When I wake from dreaming, tell me is it really love?" this perfectly reflects this mentality but the lyrics go on with the chorus "How will I know if he really loves me? I say a prayer with every heart beat, I fall in love whenever we meet" speaks volumes of the potency of love and how infatuation clouds your mind and that flood of emotions that overwhelms all logic and reason leaves you dazed and confused. These lyrics stemming from a song released early in Whitney's career reflect young love for me, from the time of innocence when you still don't really know what love is, when you can't tell if it's real.
And now we reach the moment I have alluded to in previous posts, Hex Hector features one last time on this list contributing a remix to the second disc of the album, 'I Will Always Love You' this song in its original incarnation is powerful, moving, but quite melancholy and given this version exists I wanted to feature it instead as it remains one of my favourite remixes of any artist and one of the best remixes that Hex Hector produced. 'I Will Always Love You' was originally written and recorded in 1973 by Dolly Parton and released in 1974 as part of her 'Jolene' album. Dolly didn't feature on this list, which might come as a surprise to most people but I only own a few tracks by her from her career, I don't own a complete Dolly Parton album, which again I know will come as a surprise to some people but I never really connected with Dolly's music the way I did with other artists. I will revisit her music in time to see if that has changed but beyond a few tracks over the years I wasn't an ardent fan. Even though Whitney's version of this track was not the original it remains the definitive version of this song for me, and many others. Released in 1992 as part of the soundtrack to 'The Bodyguard' - the best selling soundtrack of all time as Michelle Visage likes to remind us since she was in SOUL SYSTEM which features on the album as track 9 'It's Gonna Be a Lovely Day' he fact remains this moment of eclipse where a cover surpasses the original happens quite often in the music industry, and while I often defend the originals and hold them in higher regard, this is one case where there's no argument to be made, Whitney did it better.
The entire second disc of this album is perfection from start to finish I wouldn't change a thing about it, as for the first I have a few points of contention there are tracks I would swap but we will stick to the positives for now. The Thunderpuss remix of 'It's Not Right But It's Okay' stands out for me as another incredible remix, heavily incorporating EDM influences it takes a song that was already powerful and ramped it up even further. This track speaks to me in volumes for the lyrics "It's not right, But it's okay, I'm gonna make it anyway, Close the door behind you, Leave your key, I'd rather be alone than unhappy" this more than anything for that final line which I hold in great esteem, I'd rather be alone than unhappy, this is something I have already mentioned a few times in this list but it bears repeating, there's a distinction between being alone and being lonely, the latter is the longing for a connection, the former is a state of being which with time and patience and discipline you can learn to embrace. A lot of love songs like to borrow the metaphor of being one half of a whole and needing another to complete that whole, but the truth is self love can make you whole, something which most people never take the time to pursue. You don't need someone to complete you, compliment you perhaps but the idea that you need to be completed devalues your self worth. You are worth more than you give yourself credit for and I think these themes and the internal conflict that arises from these conflicting motives features quite a lot in Whitney's music and that's one of the reasons I love her because her music was always relatable.
'I Wanna Dance With Somebody', 'So Emotional', and 'My Love Is Your Love' all get a mention here because they speak to insecurities, and the domination of our thoughts by our emotions. From the first disc once more, 'One Moment In Time', 'Run To You', and 'Where Do Broken Hearts Go' get a mention here for articulating thoughts at times in my life when I couldn't find the words myself. There are however two tracks in particular I want to focus on, the first is 'Same Script Different Cast' a track that speaks of the frustration and the anger we feel when we see history repeat and we see others go through the same thing we went through. In those moments it can be tempting to confront those people and impart the wisdom we acquired, but wisdom is experience plus knowledge, and no matter how valuable that knowledge can be, without the experience the other person won't receive it.
The last song I want to touch on is a duet Whitney did with Enrique Iglesias who is hot as fuck, someone I have had a crush on ever since I laid eyes on him, he's quite literally part of the reason I knew I was gay. The track is called 'Could I Have This Kiss Forever' the lyrics of the second chorus "Could I hold you for a lifetime? Could I look into your eyes? Could I have this night to share this night together? (Un beso para siempre, para siempre)" made me feel happier than words can describe. I adore Enrique and I adore Whitney and when the two were combined it was almost too much to handle. Enrique is yet another driving force behind my desire to learn Spanish when I first set out to study the language. This track with its lyrics reflects the desire when you finally fall for someone to fall into their arms and kiss them and never let go.
When Whitney Houston died in 2012 she was one of the first celebrity deaths that I felt more than just sympathy for passing and felt a genuine sense of grief and loss. That feeling was something I didn't understand at the time, I didn't understand how you could be so attached to someone who you had never met, and feel so emotional about their passing, four years later when 2016 rolled around that feeling would intensify in a year when so many big names were lost, people who had been part of popular culture for as long as I could remember and I realised the reason we feel loss for people we have never met is because we project onto them a part of ourselves when we form that emotional connection and when they die we lose that part of ourselves for a time this is why we mourn. With time however we learn to remember them for who they were in life, and Whitney's music took on new meaning for me when this feeling finally took hold. I still listen to it now and I always will because it keeps the memory of her alive, all that she achieved and all that she meant to me and everyone who found inspiration through her.
I have a lot of issues, something which I have made no secret of on this blog, throughout my life I have been on a journey to self acceptance that still hasn't found its end. This journey is perhaps best epitomised by 'Greatest Love Of All' originally released as 'The Greatest Love Of All' in 1977 by George Benson it was 1985 that saw Whitney record and release her version. I regard Whitney's version as the definitive version, something which will happen again before the end of this post [Shhh spoilers] where her version surpassed the original. The lyrics to the song resonate with me, "Because the greatest love of all, Is happening to me, I found the greatest love of all, Inside of me, The greatest love of all, Is easy to achieve, Learning to love yourself, It is the greatest love of all" this sentiment, this message, and this belief are three things that I felt, heard, but did not accept for the longest time in my life. I would be lying if I said I completely accepted this belief now in my life, I am still growing and I have further to walk before that belief is felt within me, but the lyrics remain an aspiration to me.
Sticking with 1985, originally released in the same year was the track 'How Will I Know' which is an anthem of my life, not least of all because I have been in that position so many times much more than I care to admit, those I have touched on in previous posts are the tip of the iceberg. The lyrics, "There's a boy I know, he's the one I dream of, Looks into my eyes, takes me to the clouds above, Ooh I lose control, can't seem to get enough, When I wake from dreaming, tell me is it really love?" this perfectly reflects this mentality but the lyrics go on with the chorus "How will I know if he really loves me? I say a prayer with every heart beat, I fall in love whenever we meet" speaks volumes of the potency of love and how infatuation clouds your mind and that flood of emotions that overwhelms all logic and reason leaves you dazed and confused. These lyrics stemming from a song released early in Whitney's career reflect young love for me, from the time of innocence when you still don't really know what love is, when you can't tell if it's real.
And now we reach the moment I have alluded to in previous posts, Hex Hector features one last time on this list contributing a remix to the second disc of the album, 'I Will Always Love You' this song in its original incarnation is powerful, moving, but quite melancholy and given this version exists I wanted to feature it instead as it remains one of my favourite remixes of any artist and one of the best remixes that Hex Hector produced. 'I Will Always Love You' was originally written and recorded in 1973 by Dolly Parton and released in 1974 as part of her 'Jolene' album. Dolly didn't feature on this list, which might come as a surprise to most people but I only own a few tracks by her from her career, I don't own a complete Dolly Parton album, which again I know will come as a surprise to some people but I never really connected with Dolly's music the way I did with other artists. I will revisit her music in time to see if that has changed but beyond a few tracks over the years I wasn't an ardent fan. Even though Whitney's version of this track was not the original it remains the definitive version of this song for me, and many others. Released in 1992 as part of the soundtrack to 'The Bodyguard' - the best selling soundtrack of all time as Michelle Visage likes to remind us since she was in SOUL SYSTEM which features on the album as track 9 'It's Gonna Be a Lovely Day' he fact remains this moment of eclipse where a cover surpasses the original happens quite often in the music industry, and while I often defend the originals and hold them in higher regard, this is one case where there's no argument to be made, Whitney did it better.
The entire second disc of this album is perfection from start to finish I wouldn't change a thing about it, as for the first I have a few points of contention there are tracks I would swap but we will stick to the positives for now. The Thunderpuss remix of 'It's Not Right But It's Okay' stands out for me as another incredible remix, heavily incorporating EDM influences it takes a song that was already powerful and ramped it up even further. This track speaks to me in volumes for the lyrics "It's not right, But it's okay, I'm gonna make it anyway, Close the door behind you, Leave your key, I'd rather be alone than unhappy" this more than anything for that final line which I hold in great esteem, I'd rather be alone than unhappy, this is something I have already mentioned a few times in this list but it bears repeating, there's a distinction between being alone and being lonely, the latter is the longing for a connection, the former is a state of being which with time and patience and discipline you can learn to embrace. A lot of love songs like to borrow the metaphor of being one half of a whole and needing another to complete that whole, but the truth is self love can make you whole, something which most people never take the time to pursue. You don't need someone to complete you, compliment you perhaps but the idea that you need to be completed devalues your self worth. You are worth more than you give yourself credit for and I think these themes and the internal conflict that arises from these conflicting motives features quite a lot in Whitney's music and that's one of the reasons I love her because her music was always relatable.
'I Wanna Dance With Somebody', 'So Emotional', and 'My Love Is Your Love' all get a mention here because they speak to insecurities, and the domination of our thoughts by our emotions. From the first disc once more, 'One Moment In Time', 'Run To You', and 'Where Do Broken Hearts Go' get a mention here for articulating thoughts at times in my life when I couldn't find the words myself. There are however two tracks in particular I want to focus on, the first is 'Same Script Different Cast' a track that speaks of the frustration and the anger we feel when we see history repeat and we see others go through the same thing we went through. In those moments it can be tempting to confront those people and impart the wisdom we acquired, but wisdom is experience plus knowledge, and no matter how valuable that knowledge can be, without the experience the other person won't receive it.
The last song I want to touch on is a duet Whitney did with Enrique Iglesias who is hot as fuck, someone I have had a crush on ever since I laid eyes on him, he's quite literally part of the reason I knew I was gay. The track is called 'Could I Have This Kiss Forever' the lyrics of the second chorus "Could I hold you for a lifetime? Could I look into your eyes? Could I have this night to share this night together? (Un beso para siempre, para siempre)" made me feel happier than words can describe. I adore Enrique and I adore Whitney and when the two were combined it was almost too much to handle. Enrique is yet another driving force behind my desire to learn Spanish when I first set out to study the language. This track with its lyrics reflects the desire when you finally fall for someone to fall into their arms and kiss them and never let go.
When Whitney Houston died in 2012 she was one of the first celebrity deaths that I felt more than just sympathy for passing and felt a genuine sense of grief and loss. That feeling was something I didn't understand at the time, I didn't understand how you could be so attached to someone who you had never met, and feel so emotional about their passing, four years later when 2016 rolled around that feeling would intensify in a year when so many big names were lost, people who had been part of popular culture for as long as I could remember and I realised the reason we feel loss for people we have never met is because we project onto them a part of ourselves when we form that emotional connection and when they die we lose that part of ourselves for a time this is why we mourn. With time however we learn to remember them for who they were in life, and Whitney's music took on new meaning for me when this feeling finally took hold. I still listen to it now and I always will because it keeps the memory of her alive, all that she achieved and all that she meant to me and everyone who found inspiration through her.
How does a writer determine their success?
If you are a publisher your first instinct might be to say that sales determine the success of a writer. If they write a book and it sells well then they are a success, and if it doesn't sell then they are considered a failure. Others might argue that the success of a writer is not determined through sales but through reach, defined by the estimated or actual number of people who have read their work, there are plenty of ways both legal and illegal to freely access published works that would not contribute to sales, at least not in proportion to their reach, a library for example will buy a copy of a book that will be read by many different people.
Music Monday #48: Tron: Legacy by Daft Punk
On a lighter note we return to Electronic Dance Music for the last time as an album on this list, EDM will feature again in reference to some tracks however. It's impossible to talk about EDM without recognising this duo for their genius, their vision, and they influence they have had over the genre across 4 decades, they are Daft Punk. I could have chosen one of their studio albums to feature here, indeed an honourable mention in particular goes to 'Discovery' which is truly spectacular, however I wanted to do something special for a special duo.
In 1982 Walt Disney released 'Tron' a movie that would go on to achieve cult status and remain one of my favourite Sci-fi movies of all time. I loved the premise of this movie although I was not around at its release I did see it early in my childhood and remember the impression it left on me; indeed my Degree is a BSc in Computer Science with Games Technology and when it came to the games design module, for my coursework I chose to recreate the Light Cycle grid from Tron and incorporated the same arena break and escape sequences into my level design. Nearing the end of my degree during my research for coursework by chance I learned that Disney was producing a sequel, I was initially apprehensive but 1 year after graduation 'Tron: Legacy' was released in 2010 and saw Jeff Bridges and Bruce Boxleitner reprise their roles, and I lost my shit and fell in love with the movie right from the start. Casting Garrett Hedlund [who is hot as fuck] as Sam Flynn was perfection.
With the weight of Disney behind the production it was inevitable that they would seek out the best producers they could to put together the soundtrack and Daft Punk fit the bill. Alongside the motion picture in 2010 the soundtrack was released. The very first track on the album is the Overture which sets the tone for what is to come. There is something magical about taking something that already exists, reimagining it, and breathing new life into it. All music for the soundtrack was composed by Daft Punk credited under their given names Thomas Bangalter and Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo. I justify including it in this list for this reason, regardless of who commissioned the work, and its purpose, Daft Punk put everything into this album and it is perfection, from start to finish.
There are no lyrics to quote here, unless you count the spoken words of Jeff Bridges for 'The Grid' taken from the movie. The entire album is otherwise instrumental, blending orchestral music with EDM perfectly. This blending of genres at first might seem alien to many people but if you have delved into the world of EDM you will have come across this quite a bit. Within EDM, and in particularly within Trance music, a sub-genre of EDM, the composition of music is heavily influenced by orchestral works, with many classical pieces forming the basis for some of the greatest hits in the genre. Even more directly, producers Lowland who release works through Armada Music and Black Hole Recordings devoted an entire series called 'Classical Trancelations' to the reinterpretation of orchestral music as Trance music. Amrada Music is legendary, founded by Armin Van Buuren, Maykel Piron, David Lewis, they have signed and produced some of the biggest names in EDM, likewise Black Hole Recordings was founded by Tijs Verwest (better known as Tiesto) and Arny Bink. This album is an experience, and no words will do it justice, it epitomises everything that EDM represents, incorporating an 85-piece orchestra Daft Punk managed to create a masterpiece.
Daft Punk have helped shape EDM and have managed to achieve success outside the EDM scene in the mainstream they claimed early fame with their singles 'One More Time' released in 2000, and 'Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger' released in 2001, but they are perhaps best known for their 2013 album 'Random Access Memories' which went #1 in 23 countries and sold over 3 million copies worldwide, they also became the first French artists to score a #1 album in the UK, the best selling single from the album was 'Get Lucky' which went #1 in 34 countries.
Tron Legacy for me is one of the best soundtracks to a movie of all time. I particularly love the overture, 'Armory', 'Outlands', 'Flynn Lives', 'Castor', and 'Recognizer' the last of which is my most played track on the album. This is an album I can't really describe so all I can say is if there was any album on this list that you were going to go and listen to for yourself, this would be it as there is a need to experience it in order to understand the mindset it evokes.
In 1982 Walt Disney released 'Tron' a movie that would go on to achieve cult status and remain one of my favourite Sci-fi movies of all time. I loved the premise of this movie although I was not around at its release I did see it early in my childhood and remember the impression it left on me; indeed my Degree is a BSc in Computer Science with Games Technology and when it came to the games design module, for my coursework I chose to recreate the Light Cycle grid from Tron and incorporated the same arena break and escape sequences into my level design. Nearing the end of my degree during my research for coursework by chance I learned that Disney was producing a sequel, I was initially apprehensive but 1 year after graduation 'Tron: Legacy' was released in 2010 and saw Jeff Bridges and Bruce Boxleitner reprise their roles, and I lost my shit and fell in love with the movie right from the start. Casting Garrett Hedlund [who is hot as fuck] as Sam Flynn was perfection.
With the weight of Disney behind the production it was inevitable that they would seek out the best producers they could to put together the soundtrack and Daft Punk fit the bill. Alongside the motion picture in 2010 the soundtrack was released. The very first track on the album is the Overture which sets the tone for what is to come. There is something magical about taking something that already exists, reimagining it, and breathing new life into it. All music for the soundtrack was composed by Daft Punk credited under their given names Thomas Bangalter and Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo. I justify including it in this list for this reason, regardless of who commissioned the work, and its purpose, Daft Punk put everything into this album and it is perfection, from start to finish.
There are no lyrics to quote here, unless you count the spoken words of Jeff Bridges for 'The Grid' taken from the movie. The entire album is otherwise instrumental, blending orchestral music with EDM perfectly. This blending of genres at first might seem alien to many people but if you have delved into the world of EDM you will have come across this quite a bit. Within EDM, and in particularly within Trance music, a sub-genre of EDM, the composition of music is heavily influenced by orchestral works, with many classical pieces forming the basis for some of the greatest hits in the genre. Even more directly, producers Lowland who release works through Armada Music and Black Hole Recordings devoted an entire series called 'Classical Trancelations' to the reinterpretation of orchestral music as Trance music. Amrada Music is legendary, founded by Armin Van Buuren, Maykel Piron, David Lewis, they have signed and produced some of the biggest names in EDM, likewise Black Hole Recordings was founded by Tijs Verwest (better known as Tiesto) and Arny Bink. This album is an experience, and no words will do it justice, it epitomises everything that EDM represents, incorporating an 85-piece orchestra Daft Punk managed to create a masterpiece.
Daft Punk have helped shape EDM and have managed to achieve success outside the EDM scene in the mainstream they claimed early fame with their singles 'One More Time' released in 2000, and 'Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger' released in 2001, but they are perhaps best known for their 2013 album 'Random Access Memories' which went #1 in 23 countries and sold over 3 million copies worldwide, they also became the first French artists to score a #1 album in the UK, the best selling single from the album was 'Get Lucky' which went #1 in 34 countries.
Tron Legacy for me is one of the best soundtracks to a movie of all time. I particularly love the overture, 'Armory', 'Outlands', 'Flynn Lives', 'Castor', and 'Recognizer' the last of which is my most played track on the album. This is an album I can't really describe so all I can say is if there was any album on this list that you were going to go and listen to for yourself, this would be it as there is a need to experience it in order to understand the mindset it evokes.
Getting Lost in the Details
At the risk of sounding redundant, it cannot be overstated that as a writer your work is often a reflection of you and who you are more than it demonstrates what you are trying to depict or portray through the articulation of your imagination. Nowhere is this perhaps more evident than when it comes to the measure of directness that you employ in your personal life. When you interact with people on a day to day basis and they relate to you what is going on in their lives, it is often the case that a writer can by identified by the level of detail they will give you. Where readers tend to be direct and to the point, conscious of the energy they expend in relating their state of being, a writer tends toward the opposite end of the spectrum, elaborating on events with added detail that may even come to the point of rambling.
Music Monday #47: Taking Chances by Celine Dion
For the last time on this list we return once more to Celine Dion, this time to her 2007 release 'Taking Chances' an album that initially I did not form a connect to apart from 2 tracks but as time has passed and life experiences have changed my outlook the other songs have come to mean more to me and my connection to this album has grown. I love when this happens and as I have said before this is one reason why I advocate a deep dive into your music library every now and then to see what you can reconnect with and what you can form new connections with.
Two tracks that struck a chord with me right from the jump, the first was 'Eyes On Me' which I loved because of the opening riff, the track was produced by Kristian Lundin who also produced 'I'm Alive' and 'That's The Way It Is' two of my favourite tracks by Celine. 'Eyes On Me' is heavily influenced by music from the Middle East, and reminds me a lot of 'Ojos AsÃ' by Shakira in 1999 which was later released in English with a slightly modified backing track as 'Eyes Like Yours' in 2001. The lyrics to the song open with "I know that once in love, You don't think of the devil who's inside, And maybe there'll come one day, When you'll feel safe and I won't have the time" which speaks to that moment when you fall in love and forget yourself, but warns not to lose perspective, to stay awake and be aware because that false sense of security is what allows darkness to grow and take hold when you are staring at the light oblivious. The chorus "You'll hear what you wanna hear, Blink once, I could disappear, Some rules to the game will make it, Right for both of us, Just say what you wanna say, I've got it to give away, We both wanna make it last, So keep your eyes on me" warns that if you want love to work you need to pay reverence and respect, never lose sight of what you want, turn away from it or blink and lose sight of it and you can lose it all.
The second track that instantly connected with me was 'Fade Away' which talks again about the nature of love and how it teaches us, shapes us, and influences our lives. The chorus reads "Once touched by pain, You're not the same, But time can heal, Your heart again, So let the clouds, That bring you down, Just fade away" these lyrics are about acknowledging the hurt and the pain and the scars that it can leave on us, and taking that pain and turning it into something positive. The promise that life will go on and time will heal the wounds. This as someone who has experienced heartache touched me and connected with me.
These two tracks were instant emotional connections for me but the remainder of the album was not something I came to appreciate until several years later when failed flights of fancy left me feeling introspective, looking back on my live I listened to the title track 'Taking Chances' and it was if Celine was speaking directly to me, the opening lyrics "Don't know much about your life, Don't know much about your world, but don't wanna be alone tonight, On this planet they call earth, You don't know about my past, and I don't have a future figured out" these words were like an old friend coming back into my life after several years of absence, saying to me that life has had its way with both of us and while we might not know everything the other has been through it doesn't matter that much in the end because we're both here, still alive and looking forward to a future that is unknown to both of us, the lyrics go further with the chorus "What do you say to taking chances? What do you say to jumping off the edge? Never knowing if there's solid ground below, Or hand to hold, or hell to pay, What do you say?" these lyrics serve now as a motivation for me that echoes my mentality that if you're willing to lose everything then why not take a chance, if you're already prepared to lose what is there to lose? What's wrong with taking a chance, even if you have no idea where it will lead you, that leap of faith is easier to make if you are ready to jump.
The theme of being alone in the world is something that has resonated with me over the years with the words of many artists but it wasn't until a few years ago that 'Alone' truly resonated when I met someone who became the closest friend I've ever had, someone who has been by my side ever since and been a constant pillar of support for me. He's listened to me when I needed someone to talk to, he's never judged me, and he's been a part of my life for so long now I can't imagine not having him in my life, the lyrics "Till now, I always got by on my own, I never really cared until I met you, And now it chills me to the bone, How do I get you alone?" resonate with me now because in another life we would be together but in this life we are destined to be friends and nothing more sadly, but that feeling of having constancy and reassurance is incredibly positive.
On the other hand, the fear that goes with that positivity comes from the thought of losing that permanence which strikes something deep inside me. The truth is life is a lot easier when you go through it on your own, that doesn't mean it's something I advocate, it's just the simple statement of truth that other people complicate our lives and being on your own saves you from a lot of those complications. It causes other problems though so this ultimately comes down to weighing which you want more, companionship or a quiet life.
I know that contradicts everything I have said in every one of those posts but it's true because the longing to be with others and to fall in love is something that we want, it's borne out of desire and reflects the social nature of the human being as an animal, but sometimes the things we desire most aren't necessarily the things that are the best thing for us this is the conflict that we face through our gift of consciousness, the choice whether to satiate or starve our base instincts. I know our friendship has been strained at times, he understands my social anxiety better than anyone and quite frankly has the patience of a saint in my eyes, but having to think about someone else in such an intimate way, the impact of your actions at times can be a burden, something that again he understands and we have communicated clearly how we both feel which is the only reason things have never fallen apart.
I still hold onto the idea that one day I will meet someone that I will fall in love with and that we can have that happy ever after moment, but having friends and family like this who love me unconditionally and support me when I need them most is something I value, I know how rare this is, I've been around the block too many times with too many people to know this is rare. We met completely by chance and at a moment when I needed someone more than anything to be there with me the Universe put him in my path and that's one reason why I want to believe there is something more than what we see in the world. I also know that I am my own worst enemy, the greatest danger that I face in this world is inside me. In the moments where I have been suicidal in my past, it didn't matter how many people loved me, how much they supported me, that darkness was inside me and they couldn't reach in and take it away no-one can, the will to live has to come from within which I know for those who have loved and lost people to suicide is incredibly hard to accept, even those like Celine who have lost loved ones to diseases like Cancer that feeling of helplessness can be so hard to handle when you want more than anything to be able to save them but you can't. All you can do is try and make the time you have together mean something special, make the most of that time when you still have it, and when it's gone look back on those memories and cherish them and be grateful that you knew them and that you got to be with them for a time.
Celine Dion's music is emotional, it can be happy and positive, it can be sad and speak to the feeling of despair. The wide range of her music and its moods, he varying styles, and the messages her songs contain mean a lot to me. I own 19 albums by Celine Dion and that isn't even her complete discography, she has produced more albums than this, at the time of writing she has released 27 studio albums, 7 live albums, and 19 compilations, totalling 53 you could make an entire list of 52 posts and still come up 1 short of covering every album she has released, so for me including only 4 I think shows restraint. I adore Celine Dion and she will remain part of my music library, I can't ever see a day where I would get rid of any of her music - there's only one track of hers I have deleted, a duet because of who it was with but we won't go into that - I don't think she'd take offence for the record as researching this post I discovered she deleted it from streaming services too.
Two tracks that struck a chord with me right from the jump, the first was 'Eyes On Me' which I loved because of the opening riff, the track was produced by Kristian Lundin who also produced 'I'm Alive' and 'That's The Way It Is' two of my favourite tracks by Celine. 'Eyes On Me' is heavily influenced by music from the Middle East, and reminds me a lot of 'Ojos AsÃ' by Shakira in 1999 which was later released in English with a slightly modified backing track as 'Eyes Like Yours' in 2001. The lyrics to the song open with "I know that once in love, You don't think of the devil who's inside, And maybe there'll come one day, When you'll feel safe and I won't have the time" which speaks to that moment when you fall in love and forget yourself, but warns not to lose perspective, to stay awake and be aware because that false sense of security is what allows darkness to grow and take hold when you are staring at the light oblivious. The chorus "You'll hear what you wanna hear, Blink once, I could disappear, Some rules to the game will make it, Right for both of us, Just say what you wanna say, I've got it to give away, We both wanna make it last, So keep your eyes on me" warns that if you want love to work you need to pay reverence and respect, never lose sight of what you want, turn away from it or blink and lose sight of it and you can lose it all.
The second track that instantly connected with me was 'Fade Away' which talks again about the nature of love and how it teaches us, shapes us, and influences our lives. The chorus reads "Once touched by pain, You're not the same, But time can heal, Your heart again, So let the clouds, That bring you down, Just fade away" these lyrics are about acknowledging the hurt and the pain and the scars that it can leave on us, and taking that pain and turning it into something positive. The promise that life will go on and time will heal the wounds. This as someone who has experienced heartache touched me and connected with me.
These two tracks were instant emotional connections for me but the remainder of the album was not something I came to appreciate until several years later when failed flights of fancy left me feeling introspective, looking back on my live I listened to the title track 'Taking Chances' and it was if Celine was speaking directly to me, the opening lyrics "Don't know much about your life, Don't know much about your world, but don't wanna be alone tonight, On this planet they call earth, You don't know about my past, and I don't have a future figured out" these words were like an old friend coming back into my life after several years of absence, saying to me that life has had its way with both of us and while we might not know everything the other has been through it doesn't matter that much in the end because we're both here, still alive and looking forward to a future that is unknown to both of us, the lyrics go further with the chorus "What do you say to taking chances? What do you say to jumping off the edge? Never knowing if there's solid ground below, Or hand to hold, or hell to pay, What do you say?" these lyrics serve now as a motivation for me that echoes my mentality that if you're willing to lose everything then why not take a chance, if you're already prepared to lose what is there to lose? What's wrong with taking a chance, even if you have no idea where it will lead you, that leap of faith is easier to make if you are ready to jump.
The theme of being alone in the world is something that has resonated with me over the years with the words of many artists but it wasn't until a few years ago that 'Alone' truly resonated when I met someone who became the closest friend I've ever had, someone who has been by my side ever since and been a constant pillar of support for me. He's listened to me when I needed someone to talk to, he's never judged me, and he's been a part of my life for so long now I can't imagine not having him in my life, the lyrics "Till now, I always got by on my own, I never really cared until I met you, And now it chills me to the bone, How do I get you alone?" resonate with me now because in another life we would be together but in this life we are destined to be friends and nothing more sadly, but that feeling of having constancy and reassurance is incredibly positive.
On the other hand, the fear that goes with that positivity comes from the thought of losing that permanence which strikes something deep inside me. The truth is life is a lot easier when you go through it on your own, that doesn't mean it's something I advocate, it's just the simple statement of truth that other people complicate our lives and being on your own saves you from a lot of those complications. It causes other problems though so this ultimately comes down to weighing which you want more, companionship or a quiet life.
I know that contradicts everything I have said in every one of those posts but it's true because the longing to be with others and to fall in love is something that we want, it's borne out of desire and reflects the social nature of the human being as an animal, but sometimes the things we desire most aren't necessarily the things that are the best thing for us this is the conflict that we face through our gift of consciousness, the choice whether to satiate or starve our base instincts. I know our friendship has been strained at times, he understands my social anxiety better than anyone and quite frankly has the patience of a saint in my eyes, but having to think about someone else in such an intimate way, the impact of your actions at times can be a burden, something that again he understands and we have communicated clearly how we both feel which is the only reason things have never fallen apart.
I still hold onto the idea that one day I will meet someone that I will fall in love with and that we can have that happy ever after moment, but having friends and family like this who love me unconditionally and support me when I need them most is something I value, I know how rare this is, I've been around the block too many times with too many people to know this is rare. We met completely by chance and at a moment when I needed someone more than anything to be there with me the Universe put him in my path and that's one reason why I want to believe there is something more than what we see in the world. I also know that I am my own worst enemy, the greatest danger that I face in this world is inside me. In the moments where I have been suicidal in my past, it didn't matter how many people loved me, how much they supported me, that darkness was inside me and they couldn't reach in and take it away no-one can, the will to live has to come from within which I know for those who have loved and lost people to suicide is incredibly hard to accept, even those like Celine who have lost loved ones to diseases like Cancer that feeling of helplessness can be so hard to handle when you want more than anything to be able to save them but you can't. All you can do is try and make the time you have together mean something special, make the most of that time when you still have it, and when it's gone look back on those memories and cherish them and be grateful that you knew them and that you got to be with them for a time.
Celine Dion's music is emotional, it can be happy and positive, it can be sad and speak to the feeling of despair. The wide range of her music and its moods, he varying styles, and the messages her songs contain mean a lot to me. I own 19 albums by Celine Dion and that isn't even her complete discography, she has produced more albums than this, at the time of writing she has released 27 studio albums, 7 live albums, and 19 compilations, totalling 53 you could make an entire list of 52 posts and still come up 1 short of covering every album she has released, so for me including only 4 I think shows restraint. I adore Celine Dion and she will remain part of my music library, I can't ever see a day where I would get rid of any of her music - there's only one track of hers I have deleted, a duet because of who it was with but we won't go into that - I don't think she'd take offence for the record as researching this post I discovered she deleted it from streaming services too.
Therapeutic Writing
When you ask someone why they write, whether it be as a profession or as a hobby, there are a lot of different answers they might give you, but one answer that is quite common is that they use writing as a form of therapy. This concept of Therapeutic Writing is a lot like the term 'people watching' in that most people have idea of what it means but in reality most people that claim to do it simply don't. To actually observe people you have to pay attention and note what they are doing and think about it in the moment and afterwards, whereas most people that claim to enjoy the practice do nothing more than sit in a crowded place watching people pass by without a second thought.
If you write to relieve tension, stress, anxiety, or simply to express pent up emotions, that can be cathartic but it is not therapeutic for the simple reason that therapy is structured and requires a certain level of objectivity which is not naturally present in our writing unless we make an active effort to put it there. I have mentioned before that characters we create are essentially an extension of our self, the ego plays every role in that regard. This means that any character will be naturally biased towards the writer's neuroses and general thought pattern unless the writer makes a concerted effort to diverge and develop the character.
Music Monday #46: My Way (The Best Of Frank Sinatra)
From one legend to another, both artists created music that feed the soul. I couldn't let this list pass without featuring an artist that had a music career that spanned six decades before his death and that has had a legacy that persists beyond it. When it comes to the greatest artists of all time, there can be no question that Frank Sinatra has secured his place at the table for evermore. I could not pick a single album from a single decade so instead I have chosen to go with 'My Way (The Best Of Frank Sinatra)' released in 1997 because it covers most of what I want to talk about.
People have a lot to say about Frank as a person, his life, his legacy, and in some respects the politics attached to him and his fame. Frank Sinatra died in 1998 when I was just 10 years old, I didn't get to live through his rise and witness his career for myself first-hand. I can't attest to his life because I know very little of it beyond his music and I don't trust second-hand accounts especially those from decades passed when the media was much more heavily controlled and independent voices were not so loud, today anyone with a twitter account can sound off, this has its positives and its negatives admittedly but it does achieve the objective of making censorship almost redundant. There are still problems with social media and the internet in general but it's important to recognise that Frank's career took place in a time before it was ubiquitous and if the way the media interprets and misinterprets people today is anything to go by, everything should be taken with a pinch of salt.
I want to focus on the music itself and abandon everything else because Frank Sinatra's music catalogue is extensive, includes covers by other artists, and has gone on to be covered many times, and has even been used to create posthumous duets which I touched on when I mentioned Celine Dion's 'One Heart' album. Sinatra undoubtedly provided inspiration to countless artists and left behind a legacy that not many can even begin to challenge.
The very first track on this compilation is the title track 'My Way' a track that has gone on to become an anthem to one and many, originally released in 1969 itself an English translation reworking of 'Comme d'habitude' by french artist Jacques Revaux. My Way has become a cliché in some regards, its overuse over the decades in countless movies and TV shows have led it to become the de facto track to epitomise struggle and triumph in the end, not surprising then that all clichés considered this song has been something of an anthem to me and many others in their journey to accept who they are, with the ultimate verse of the song the lyrics read "For what is a man, what has he got? If not himself, then he has naught, To say the things he truly feels, And not the words of one who kneels, The record shows I took the blows, And did it my way" speaks to this feeling of empowerment, to not be oppressed or subjugated, not to kneel in servitude but to stand in defiance and live your truth without apology, with complete pride.
Frank Sinatra's cover of 'Moon River' originally recorded in 1964, a cover of the original released in 1961 written and performed by Audrey Hepburn for the movie 'Breakfast At Tiffany's' a movie that I find adorable. The lyrics are brief which wasn't uncommon of the time period, but they read "Moon river, wider than a mile, I'm crossing you in style someday, Oh, dream maker, You heartbreaker, Where ever you're going I'm going your way" these lyrics to me represent life, the journey we take, and the inevitable crossing being the moment when we reach the other bank and that journey comes to an end. This imagery of life as a river, filled with dreams, is one that I touched on when I spoke about Billy Joel and his song 'The River Of Dreams' this is an image I return to often when I try to make sense of life, to think of the rushing waters as the turbulence that life creates and the stream that flows creating a current that you can either fight against or give in and enjoy the ride.
Some of my other favourite tracks include 'Love And Marriage' which will forever remind me of the TV sitcom 'Married... With Children' starring Ed O'Neill and Katey Sagal, 'Somethin Stupid', 'My Kind Of Town', 'I've Got You Under My Skin', 'That's Life', and 'The Best Is Yet To Come' all of which I love, but there are two tracks above all others that are my all time favourite Sinatra tracks and I can't choose between the two. The first is 'Fly Me To The Moon' and the second is 'Come Fly With Me'.
'Fly Me To The Moon' also known as 'In Other Words' was originally recorded by Kaye Ballard and released in 1954, only to be covered by Sinatra 10 years later in 1964. The lyrics "Fly me to the moon, Let me play among the stars, And let me see what spring is like, On a-Jupiter and Mars, In other words, hold my hand, In other words, baby, kiss me" the imagery here is what I love more than anything, the portrayal of love being something so intoxicating and elevating that a mere kiss can send you to the moon and back, lift your spirit up so high it flies across the cosmos. This is one thing I love in particular about music from this era, the music itself was easy listening but it was often little more than a recurring beat in the background with the artistry coming mainly from the lyrics and the imagery that they inspired. Many people criticise the progression of the music industry over the decades that have passed and cite lyrics like these as being much more substantial than those written today and whilst I see merit in that criticism I do believe that music has a life of its own, a life that must grow and evolve with time. Music in many ways is a reflection of us and our society, our mindset, how we think and feel, in all honesty my retort to those that make this criticism is simply to say the music isn't the problem, it's nothing more than a mirror, if you want music that reflects something different then change what you put in front of that mirror.
'Come Fly With Me' was first released in 1958 and stays with the theme of flight, something which isn't surprising given the growth of the aviation industry at the time, the fascination with aircraft and soaring through the clouds would reach its zenith 11 years later when Man would walk on the Moon for the first time. The song itself in its lyrics "Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away, If you can use some exotic booze, there's a bar in far Bombay, Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away" captures the dreamlike fantasy of jetting off to far off lands and forgetting about life. Not surprising this song has been used in countless travel promotions and tourist campaigns over the years even today. The song itself reflects a time when air travel was aspirational and still considered exotic, that opening riff for many still captures that feeling, air travel today is however an industry that is mired in controversy with the conflicting and often competing views of those who still want to travel and see the world in a convenient way set against those who consider it one of the most destructive and polluting industries we have in the world today.
Come Fly With Me, for me always inspired imagery of escape, relaxation, and letting go. I still listen to it every now and then when I want to imagine myself somewhere, anywhere else. It has gone on to be covered many times but I would like to make particular note of Michaal Bublé's cover which I think stays true to the original and still manages to put his own spin on it with his vocal styling.
People have a lot to say about Frank as a person, his life, his legacy, and in some respects the politics attached to him and his fame. Frank Sinatra died in 1998 when I was just 10 years old, I didn't get to live through his rise and witness his career for myself first-hand. I can't attest to his life because I know very little of it beyond his music and I don't trust second-hand accounts especially those from decades passed when the media was much more heavily controlled and independent voices were not so loud, today anyone with a twitter account can sound off, this has its positives and its negatives admittedly but it does achieve the objective of making censorship almost redundant. There are still problems with social media and the internet in general but it's important to recognise that Frank's career took place in a time before it was ubiquitous and if the way the media interprets and misinterprets people today is anything to go by, everything should be taken with a pinch of salt.
I want to focus on the music itself and abandon everything else because Frank Sinatra's music catalogue is extensive, includes covers by other artists, and has gone on to be covered many times, and has even been used to create posthumous duets which I touched on when I mentioned Celine Dion's 'One Heart' album. Sinatra undoubtedly provided inspiration to countless artists and left behind a legacy that not many can even begin to challenge.
The very first track on this compilation is the title track 'My Way' a track that has gone on to become an anthem to one and many, originally released in 1969 itself an English translation reworking of 'Comme d'habitude' by french artist Jacques Revaux. My Way has become a cliché in some regards, its overuse over the decades in countless movies and TV shows have led it to become the de facto track to epitomise struggle and triumph in the end, not surprising then that all clichés considered this song has been something of an anthem to me and many others in their journey to accept who they are, with the ultimate verse of the song the lyrics read "For what is a man, what has he got? If not himself, then he has naught, To say the things he truly feels, And not the words of one who kneels, The record shows I took the blows, And did it my way" speaks to this feeling of empowerment, to not be oppressed or subjugated, not to kneel in servitude but to stand in defiance and live your truth without apology, with complete pride.
Frank Sinatra's cover of 'Moon River' originally recorded in 1964, a cover of the original released in 1961 written and performed by Audrey Hepburn for the movie 'Breakfast At Tiffany's' a movie that I find adorable. The lyrics are brief which wasn't uncommon of the time period, but they read "Moon river, wider than a mile, I'm crossing you in style someday, Oh, dream maker, You heartbreaker, Where ever you're going I'm going your way" these lyrics to me represent life, the journey we take, and the inevitable crossing being the moment when we reach the other bank and that journey comes to an end. This imagery of life as a river, filled with dreams, is one that I touched on when I spoke about Billy Joel and his song 'The River Of Dreams' this is an image I return to often when I try to make sense of life, to think of the rushing waters as the turbulence that life creates and the stream that flows creating a current that you can either fight against or give in and enjoy the ride.
Some of my other favourite tracks include 'Love And Marriage' which will forever remind me of the TV sitcom 'Married... With Children' starring Ed O'Neill and Katey Sagal, 'Somethin Stupid', 'My Kind Of Town', 'I've Got You Under My Skin', 'That's Life', and 'The Best Is Yet To Come' all of which I love, but there are two tracks above all others that are my all time favourite Sinatra tracks and I can't choose between the two. The first is 'Fly Me To The Moon' and the second is 'Come Fly With Me'.
'Fly Me To The Moon' also known as 'In Other Words' was originally recorded by Kaye Ballard and released in 1954, only to be covered by Sinatra 10 years later in 1964. The lyrics "Fly me to the moon, Let me play among the stars, And let me see what spring is like, On a-Jupiter and Mars, In other words, hold my hand, In other words, baby, kiss me" the imagery here is what I love more than anything, the portrayal of love being something so intoxicating and elevating that a mere kiss can send you to the moon and back, lift your spirit up so high it flies across the cosmos. This is one thing I love in particular about music from this era, the music itself was easy listening but it was often little more than a recurring beat in the background with the artistry coming mainly from the lyrics and the imagery that they inspired. Many people criticise the progression of the music industry over the decades that have passed and cite lyrics like these as being much more substantial than those written today and whilst I see merit in that criticism I do believe that music has a life of its own, a life that must grow and evolve with time. Music in many ways is a reflection of us and our society, our mindset, how we think and feel, in all honesty my retort to those that make this criticism is simply to say the music isn't the problem, it's nothing more than a mirror, if you want music that reflects something different then change what you put in front of that mirror.
'Come Fly With Me' was first released in 1958 and stays with the theme of flight, something which isn't surprising given the growth of the aviation industry at the time, the fascination with aircraft and soaring through the clouds would reach its zenith 11 years later when Man would walk on the Moon for the first time. The song itself in its lyrics "Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away, If you can use some exotic booze, there's a bar in far Bombay, Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away" captures the dreamlike fantasy of jetting off to far off lands and forgetting about life. Not surprising this song has been used in countless travel promotions and tourist campaigns over the years even today. The song itself reflects a time when air travel was aspirational and still considered exotic, that opening riff for many still captures that feeling, air travel today is however an industry that is mired in controversy with the conflicting and often competing views of those who still want to travel and see the world in a convenient way set against those who consider it one of the most destructive and polluting industries we have in the world today.
Come Fly With Me, for me always inspired imagery of escape, relaxation, and letting go. I still listen to it every now and then when I want to imagine myself somewhere, anywhere else. It has gone on to be covered many times but I would like to make particular note of Michaal Bublé's cover which I think stays true to the original and still manages to put his own spin on it with his vocal styling.
Personal Character Development
Before you can write about fictional characters with any real depth or substance to their personalities and their life experiences, you have to be able to write about yourself. I mentioned before, that in a way every character you will write about is an extension of you as a person. This is something that new writers tend to struggle with because it is inevitable that you will have to create characters that will serve as antagonists. Whilst understanding another person's point of view can be difficult without living through their life experiences, what is harder still is to open your mind to the darker parts of your own character, to explore the depths of just how sinister you as a person could have become in another time.
Creating an antagonist that is based on the parts of yourself that you hate the most, or that serve the greatest psychological adversary to your mental stability is not an easy task. In order to go to that place you need to give yourself permission to think and feel things that you would never think and feel and accept that those sentiments exist somewhere inside of you. To be clear, this is different to the problem we have already discussed where we spoke about considering points of view we don't agree with, this is about accepting the prejudice that exists within ourselves, knowing that we are not embracing it for ourselves, but rather that we are aiming to channel that negativity into something material.
Music Monday #45: Dreams Can Come True, The Greatest Hits by Gabrielle
Against the backdrop of 2001, a year of anger, hatred, increasing aggression, and general turmoil in a world that felt to myself and many others to be crumbling away to wreck and ruin, there were a few sources of light, comfort, and reassurance. For me I found these things in music, whilst I turned to the darkness and music that reflected that mentality, I also found light to balance it out. In 2001 Gabrielle released her 'Dreams Can Come True' album, a greatest hits compilation that brought together her most iconic tracks.
Gabrielle's career to me peaked in the 90s, and although she went on to produce new music in the 00s, nothing ever really came close to recapturing the allure of her early work. Gabrielle has a voice that is distinctive, iconic, and for a time served as a mainstay in British Pop. The quasi title track of the album, 'Dreams' was her very first single originally released in 1993 it entered the charts at #2 and would go on to reach #1, this feat of reaching so high in the chart with a debut single had never been achieved by a female artist in UK charts prior to this. The lyrics to the song were prescient "Dreams can come true, Look at me, babe, I'm with you, You know you gotta have hope, You know you gotta be strong" - I grew up listening to this song, it spent 15 weeks in the chart and went on to be the foundation that Gabrielle's career would be built upon.
'Forget About The World' originally released in 1996 is a love song that tells a love story ostensibly assumed to reference a straight relationship the lyrics speak to an unnamed unidentified protagonist who fell in love with a girl despite the efforts of everyone around them trying to convince them not to pursue this love, "They tried to change your mind, Told you how to live your life, And they told stories, Stories that shouldn't be told, It was you against the world, But you chose to hold on to your girl" these lyrics although at face value talk simply about pursuing love in the face of others disdain, the lyrics to me speak of forbidden love, this belief led me to the assumption the protagonist is actually a woman, who fell in love with another woman, and that they pursue love set against a world that tried to convince them it was wrong. This was only reinforced by the lyrics "You had a stronger love, Outside forces weren't enough, Tried their best to tear apart, A love they hoped would never last" spoke of the typical response people give when they say your sexuality is a phase and that you'll grow out of it. My beliefs were entirely validated in 2015, when Gabrielle gave an interview with James Ingham for Attitude talking about RUComingOut an organisation that supports LGBT people through coming out, she was asked:
This underlying message, lyrics that are written for those who are knowing, written with the confidence that those who need to hear them will hear the message is a theme that has been repeated across pop music. Gabrielle is an R&B artist part of a genre that can be intensely homophobic, it is entirely understandable that this was the way she had to send this message given the time, and the environment that existed.
One of Gabrielle's finest works however, was 'Rise' originally released in 2000. This song is an anthem that has spoken to many who have been broken by the world. The song has been used in TV shows, Movies, and referenced throughout pop culture whenever there is a moment of redemption or resurrection. The lyrics "Look at my life, Look at my heart, I have seen them fall apart, Now I'm ready to rise again, Just look at my hopes, Look at my dreams, I'm building bridges from these scenes, Now I'm ready to rise again" these words provide comfort and reassurance to those who have experienced this feeling and stand as inspiration and motivation to rise up and be the best that you can be.
I can't talk about Gabrielle without also talking about 'Out Of Reach' a song that despite being released the same year as the album still managed to get included because of its impact. The lyrics "Out of reach, so far, I never had your heart, Out of reach, couldn't see, We were never meant to be" speaks of the realisation that you loved someone more than they loved you and the reality that you have to let them go and move on, the lyrics go on "Catch myself from despair, I could drown if I stay here, Keeping busy every day, I know I will be okay" these words echo the feelings I have felt so many times, and the recognition that if I give in to the darkness in those moments it will consume me, I have to keep moving, to try and make it through; again this speaks to the forgotten coping mechanisms I once had, coping mechanisms that I didn't redevelop until my journey through Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.
Gabrielle is an artist that contributed a lot to the music industry and I don't think she gets the recognition and the adoration she deserves for what she achieved, for what she represents, and for the hope and inspiration her music continues to provide. She is part of my music library that I cherish and still turn to whenever I feel wore down and need something that speaks not only to my heart but to my soul. Gabrielle's music is easy to listen to, relaxing, it isn't aggressive, and it conveys its message effortlessly. I believe part of the reason her contributions are overlooked are because of the backdrop that existed, there were so many artists and groups in the 90s that were worldwide successes and embodied personalities that were larger than life, it's easy to be overshadowed by all of this but now, decades later after most of those artists fell away and into obscurity, I still seek out Gabrielle's music, I still want to listen to it and it still carries with it meaning in every word just as it did when I first heard it.
Gabrielle's career to me peaked in the 90s, and although she went on to produce new music in the 00s, nothing ever really came close to recapturing the allure of her early work. Gabrielle has a voice that is distinctive, iconic, and for a time served as a mainstay in British Pop. The quasi title track of the album, 'Dreams' was her very first single originally released in 1993 it entered the charts at #2 and would go on to reach #1, this feat of reaching so high in the chart with a debut single had never been achieved by a female artist in UK charts prior to this. The lyrics to the song were prescient "Dreams can come true, Look at me, babe, I'm with you, You know you gotta have hope, You know you gotta be strong" - I grew up listening to this song, it spent 15 weeks in the chart and went on to be the foundation that Gabrielle's career would be built upon.
'Forget About The World' originally released in 1996 is a love song that tells a love story ostensibly assumed to reference a straight relationship the lyrics speak to an unnamed unidentified protagonist who fell in love with a girl despite the efforts of everyone around them trying to convince them not to pursue this love, "They tried to change your mind, Told you how to live your life, And they told stories, Stories that shouldn't be told, It was you against the world, But you chose to hold on to your girl" these lyrics although at face value talk simply about pursuing love in the face of others disdain, the lyrics to me speak of forbidden love, this belief led me to the assumption the protagonist is actually a woman, who fell in love with another woman, and that they pursue love set against a world that tried to convince them it was wrong. This was only reinforced by the lyrics "You had a stronger love, Outside forces weren't enough, Tried their best to tear apart, A love they hoped would never last" spoke of the typical response people give when they say your sexuality is a phase and that you'll grow out of it. My beliefs were entirely validated in 2015, when Gabrielle gave an interview with James Ingham for Attitude talking about RUComingOut an organisation that supports LGBT people through coming out, she was asked:
James: Is it true Forget About the World was originally written about a lesbian friend of yours?
Gabrielle: It certainly was. I don't think many people know that to be honest. But yes, it was me telling my friend not to worry about what the world or other people said but to worry about the girl she loved. You didn't really have many songs like that then.
Gabrielle: It certainly was. I don't think many people know that to be honest. But yes, it was me telling my friend not to worry about what the world or other people said but to worry about the girl she loved. You didn't really have many songs like that then.
This underlying message, lyrics that are written for those who are knowing, written with the confidence that those who need to hear them will hear the message is a theme that has been repeated across pop music. Gabrielle is an R&B artist part of a genre that can be intensely homophobic, it is entirely understandable that this was the way she had to send this message given the time, and the environment that existed.
One of Gabrielle's finest works however, was 'Rise' originally released in 2000. This song is an anthem that has spoken to many who have been broken by the world. The song has been used in TV shows, Movies, and referenced throughout pop culture whenever there is a moment of redemption or resurrection. The lyrics "Look at my life, Look at my heart, I have seen them fall apart, Now I'm ready to rise again, Just look at my hopes, Look at my dreams, I'm building bridges from these scenes, Now I'm ready to rise again" these words provide comfort and reassurance to those who have experienced this feeling and stand as inspiration and motivation to rise up and be the best that you can be.
I can't talk about Gabrielle without also talking about 'Out Of Reach' a song that despite being released the same year as the album still managed to get included because of its impact. The lyrics "Out of reach, so far, I never had your heart, Out of reach, couldn't see, We were never meant to be" speaks of the realisation that you loved someone more than they loved you and the reality that you have to let them go and move on, the lyrics go on "Catch myself from despair, I could drown if I stay here, Keeping busy every day, I know I will be okay" these words echo the feelings I have felt so many times, and the recognition that if I give in to the darkness in those moments it will consume me, I have to keep moving, to try and make it through; again this speaks to the forgotten coping mechanisms I once had, coping mechanisms that I didn't redevelop until my journey through Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.
Gabrielle is an artist that contributed a lot to the music industry and I don't think she gets the recognition and the adoration she deserves for what she achieved, for what she represents, and for the hope and inspiration her music continues to provide. She is part of my music library that I cherish and still turn to whenever I feel wore down and need something that speaks not only to my heart but to my soul. Gabrielle's music is easy to listen to, relaxing, it isn't aggressive, and it conveys its message effortlessly. I believe part of the reason her contributions are overlooked are because of the backdrop that existed, there were so many artists and groups in the 90s that were worldwide successes and embodied personalities that were larger than life, it's easy to be overshadowed by all of this but now, decades later after most of those artists fell away and into obscurity, I still seek out Gabrielle's music, I still want to listen to it and it still carries with it meaning in every word just as it did when I first heard it.
Not my story to tell
When you write a story, it's natural to have the desire to write from experience. In most cases the experiences we draw on when writing are our own, with the exception of biographical works which centre around the life and the experience of an individual. When it comes to narrative fiction however it is inevitable that you will create characters that are the furthest thing from your own persona and your own thought processes as you can get. These characters can be entirely fictitious if we have the depth of reasoning, imagination, and creativity needed to fill out those characters and develop them to a point where they are realistic, not necessarily in the physical sense but in an emotional sense.
Music Monday #44: The Album by Ultrabeat
"Don't leave me hangin coz you know what I'm feelin, I go crazy, I go crazy, And if I asked you would you stop me from fallin? Would you save me? Would you save me?"
- 'Elysium (I Go Crazy)' - Ultrabeat
Returning again to Electronic Dance Music [EDM] there are a few artists who manage to create tracks that go on to become massive hits within EDM, although they remain relatively unknown to the mainstream. Ultrabeat are an example of this polarity achieving their first hit in the EDM scene in 2003 with 'Pretty Green Eyes' which went #1 in the UK Dance charts and #2 in the UK's main charts, but beyond this single they would not reach the same height again within the main chart failing to get another top 10 hit, but they would go on to score 6 more top 10 hits within the Dance chart with their music becoming a staple throughout the 00s spawning countless remixes that were featured on numerous dance compilation albums.
'Elysium (I Go Crazy)' took Scott Brown's existing 'Elysium' track, remixed it, added vocals and released it in 2006 to reach #4 in the Dance chart. This track in particular holds a fond place in my heart because I first discovered it when I started clubbing, it had featured on several dance albums and became an anthem to my life for a time. The lyrics that Ultrabeat added to the track deal with the search for love, and that moment when you think you've found it but you still aren't quite sure how they feel in return, this is a mindset I have felt many times in my life and more than once I have been left wondering if they would catch me if I fell.
'Better Than Life', 'I Wanna Touch You', and 'Sure Feels Good' all speak to this feeling of defining what love is, whether or not you are actually in love, and the confusion that exists in that head-space. Not surprisingly the reason this album connected with me so much was because this went on to become associated heavily in my mind with the love chain I got caught up in, the confusion I felt, and the desperate attempt to make sense of it all.
The last track I want to pay particular focus to is the single mentioned above, 'Pretty Green Eyes' this went on to become associated in my mind with one guy in particular, the lyrics "Pretty green eyes, So full of wonder and despair, It's all right to cry, For I'll be there to wipe your tears, And in your arms, Together we're in paradise, And it's so nice, You'll never have to be alone" are just a platter of platitudes to devour when you're lovesick. It's not surprising then that I formed the attachment to those words. The music of this album is the main appeal however, EDM is often centred around the music first with the lyrics forming an afterthought, and given Elysium in particular started out as a hardcore track without a vocal it perhaps demonstrates that best.
Ultrabeat, along with XTM, Ian Van Dahl, Tomcraft, DJ Sammy, Cascada, Micky Modelle, Alex K, Audiolush, Scooter, Flip & Fill, N-Trance, Milk Inc, Angel City, Love Inc, Apollo, and Special D to name a few all became artists that marked that time of my life with music that helped me process my emotions, their music for the most part didn't have lyrics that were profound but they spoke to feelings I had and the search for something uplifting and transformative that could take my mood from something negative and turn it into something positive. I would feature them all in this list if I could but many of them produced many more singles than albums which is quite common within EDM as most artists within the genre gain their exposure through DJ sets, producing remixes for other artists, or being featured on prominent compilations like Ministry of Sound's Annual, or Clubland, or the Euphoria compilations.
There's so much more to EDM than the handful of hits that reached number 1 in the mainstream charts, and most artists within the genre quickly learn that loyal fans and knowing your target audience can produce a steady income and plenty of opportunity. EDM has seen the rise and fall of many artists that mainstream chart watchers would not have heard of but can still step out onto a stage in front of thousands of people screaming their name at dance music festivals and club nights at superclubs, venues with capacities in the order of thousands. It's easy to be oblivious to entire worlds that exist beyond the specific view of the world that mainstream media presents. It is for this reason more than any that my attitude to music has always been to try first, judge second, to experience the music first before I form an opinion of it because there have been countless artists over the years who I have loved who you would not expect me to like if you followed the stereotype that some of my music taste would portray, yet another reason why I specifically chose to compile this list with a mix of artists rather than sticking to a given genre.
- 'Elysium (I Go Crazy)' - Ultrabeat
Returning again to Electronic Dance Music [EDM] there are a few artists who manage to create tracks that go on to become massive hits within EDM, although they remain relatively unknown to the mainstream. Ultrabeat are an example of this polarity achieving their first hit in the EDM scene in 2003 with 'Pretty Green Eyes' which went #1 in the UK Dance charts and #2 in the UK's main charts, but beyond this single they would not reach the same height again within the main chart failing to get another top 10 hit, but they would go on to score 6 more top 10 hits within the Dance chart with their music becoming a staple throughout the 00s spawning countless remixes that were featured on numerous dance compilation albums.
'Elysium (I Go Crazy)' took Scott Brown's existing 'Elysium' track, remixed it, added vocals and released it in 2006 to reach #4 in the Dance chart. This track in particular holds a fond place in my heart because I first discovered it when I started clubbing, it had featured on several dance albums and became an anthem to my life for a time. The lyrics that Ultrabeat added to the track deal with the search for love, and that moment when you think you've found it but you still aren't quite sure how they feel in return, this is a mindset I have felt many times in my life and more than once I have been left wondering if they would catch me if I fell.
'Better Than Life', 'I Wanna Touch You', and 'Sure Feels Good' all speak to this feeling of defining what love is, whether or not you are actually in love, and the confusion that exists in that head-space. Not surprisingly the reason this album connected with me so much was because this went on to become associated heavily in my mind with the love chain I got caught up in, the confusion I felt, and the desperate attempt to make sense of it all.
The last track I want to pay particular focus to is the single mentioned above, 'Pretty Green Eyes' this went on to become associated in my mind with one guy in particular, the lyrics "Pretty green eyes, So full of wonder and despair, It's all right to cry, For I'll be there to wipe your tears, And in your arms, Together we're in paradise, And it's so nice, You'll never have to be alone" are just a platter of platitudes to devour when you're lovesick. It's not surprising then that I formed the attachment to those words. The music of this album is the main appeal however, EDM is often centred around the music first with the lyrics forming an afterthought, and given Elysium in particular started out as a hardcore track without a vocal it perhaps demonstrates that best.
Ultrabeat, along with XTM, Ian Van Dahl, Tomcraft, DJ Sammy, Cascada, Micky Modelle, Alex K, Audiolush, Scooter, Flip & Fill, N-Trance, Milk Inc, Angel City, Love Inc, Apollo, and Special D to name a few all became artists that marked that time of my life with music that helped me process my emotions, their music for the most part didn't have lyrics that were profound but they spoke to feelings I had and the search for something uplifting and transformative that could take my mood from something negative and turn it into something positive. I would feature them all in this list if I could but many of them produced many more singles than albums which is quite common within EDM as most artists within the genre gain their exposure through DJ sets, producing remixes for other artists, or being featured on prominent compilations like Ministry of Sound's Annual, or Clubland, or the Euphoria compilations.
There's so much more to EDM than the handful of hits that reached number 1 in the mainstream charts, and most artists within the genre quickly learn that loyal fans and knowing your target audience can produce a steady income and plenty of opportunity. EDM has seen the rise and fall of many artists that mainstream chart watchers would not have heard of but can still step out onto a stage in front of thousands of people screaming their name at dance music festivals and club nights at superclubs, venues with capacities in the order of thousands. It's easy to be oblivious to entire worlds that exist beyond the specific view of the world that mainstream media presents. It is for this reason more than any that my attitude to music has always been to try first, judge second, to experience the music first before I form an opinion of it because there have been countless artists over the years who I have loved who you would not expect me to like if you followed the stereotype that some of my music taste would portray, yet another reason why I specifically chose to compile this list with a mix of artists rather than sticking to a given genre.
How do you overcome procrastination?
As a writer there are two fears that are ever present - the first is the fear of a creative blockage and the second is the fear of failure. These two fears often go hand in hand but the defining aspect of the former is epitomised by the proverbial blank page that is used to represent writer's block in other words it is defined by the lack of motivation or lack of inspiration to write. The latter is best represented by a missed deadline, whether that was a personal imposition or whether it was set by another.
Music Monday #43: The Story So Far: The Very Best Of Rod Stewart
I was born in 1988 and grew up mostly in the 90s. I've lived a life that spans the technological revolution that was led by the Internet, experiencing life before, during, and after its arrival and expansion and eventual domination. In the 90s when I grew up very few people had PCs, they weren't as ubiquitous as they are now for the simple reason that there wasn't a lot you could do with them unless you were a PC gamer or needed one for work. The former of which was still evolving given the limited resources that existed, although some incredible games did emerge in those time periods most of them were confined to console gaming.
Without music streaming services, without all-you-can-eat access to music, you were limited to only a few routes to discovering new music. Those were through record shops, through the radio, through Music stations if you had satellite television, through the end of week chart shows like Top Of The Pops here in the UK, or through referrals from friends and family where you exchanged music. My parents taste in music for this reason had some influence on the music I was exposed to, one artist in particular stands out in this regard for me as my Dad had a love of his music and that is Rod Stewart.
'The Story So Far: The Very Best Of Rod Stewart' is a greatest hits compilation that brought together most of his music collection, released in 2001 it covers most of the tracks that I heard growing up so I've chosen to include it here. There are a lot of tracks on this compilation that mean a lot to me but I will limit those I mention.
'Rhythm Of My Heart' is the first track I want to focus on, the chorus "Oh, the rhythm of my heart, Is beating like a drum, With the words, 'I love you' rolling off my tongue, No, never will I roam, For I know my place is home, Where the ocean meets the sky, I'll be sailing" these words to me speak of the comfort I find in my family, in particular my parents. There's something childlike and innocent about feeling safe and secure in their presence. Over the years these lyrics came to mean more to me, they reminded me that no matter where I went or what I did, I could always come home if I needed to. This sentiment is something that other artists have captured too, notably Cyndi Lauper with her song 'Come On Home' from her 'Twelve Deadly Cyns' album which narrowly missed the cut but gets an honourable mention here.
'Downtown Train' and 'Sailing' get a mention here as particular favourites on this album but more for the music rather than the lyrics. This album however also features 'Every Beat Of My Heart' which holds a special place in my heart. I was born in Northern Ireland, a place that has seen great conflict and divides over the issue of nationality. Those of us born here are both British and Irish by birth but there are those who identify as one more than the other, or only one. Nevertheless there is a history here that is shared between Britain and Ireland, these islands have been divide many times but there is an inescapable bond that exists that still remains despite the differences. Every Beat Of My Heart is a song about longing for your homeland, about wanting to be where you belong, and the desire to go home. The verse "And we'll drink a toast to the blood red rose, Cheer a while the Emerald Isle, And to the northern lights and the swirling pipes, How they make a grown man cry" these refer to England's Rose, to the Island of Ireland, and to Scotland respectively, I haven't travelled further than Europe in my time, the UK, Ireland, and France I have criss-crossed more times than I can count, through it all though I've never really been able to feel a sense of belonging, apart from Paris but finance makes the idea of living there almost impossible for me. Every Beat Of My Heart in many ways taps into that feeling of wondering where I belong and the only answer I've ever found was that I belonged where people love me, which can be anywhere in the world as long as they are with you.
On a lighter note there's one more track on this compilation I want to mention and that is 'The Motown Song' which saw Rod collaborate with The Temptations in 1991. The lyrics "Bring over some of your old Motown records, We'll put the speakers in the window and we'll go, On the roof and listen to the Miracles, Echo to the alley down below" these lyrics remind me of my time in London, in particular my second year of University when I rented a flat in central London with 3 flatmates. We rented the top 4 storeys of a 5 storey building. The very top of the flat had a bathroom with a skylight that we kept a step ladder so we could climb up and out onto the roof. London is a very expensive place to live, as students it cost the four of us £27,000 [$54,000 at the time] to live in that flat for the year. I spent many nights up on that roof, having a view in London was something nobody we knew could afford, the view from my bedroom window was a brick wall. This song however reminds me of one particular night spent up on that roof with a guy I had fallen for so hard, nothing ever came of it though for reasons I've already discussed at length.
My Dad's music collection also formed the basis for much of my exploration of music from the 70s and 80s, and earlier. Artists like Thin Lizzy, Toto, The Cars, Whitesnake, Status Quo, Alice Cooper, Starship, Europe, Kenny Loggins, ELO, The Jam, T.Rex, Falco, Steve Winwood, The Eurythmics, and Kim Wilde to name a few, all of which feature in my library, indeed I probably could have written 52 posts for each decade but that would have saw me repeating a lot about my personal life and these are artists I wasn't around to witness their music careers first hand, and although that is also true for some artists on this list I have tried to keep it to a minimum.
Without music streaming services, without all-you-can-eat access to music, you were limited to only a few routes to discovering new music. Those were through record shops, through the radio, through Music stations if you had satellite television, through the end of week chart shows like Top Of The Pops here in the UK, or through referrals from friends and family where you exchanged music. My parents taste in music for this reason had some influence on the music I was exposed to, one artist in particular stands out in this regard for me as my Dad had a love of his music and that is Rod Stewart.
'The Story So Far: The Very Best Of Rod Stewart' is a greatest hits compilation that brought together most of his music collection, released in 2001 it covers most of the tracks that I heard growing up so I've chosen to include it here. There are a lot of tracks on this compilation that mean a lot to me but I will limit those I mention.
'Rhythm Of My Heart' is the first track I want to focus on, the chorus "Oh, the rhythm of my heart, Is beating like a drum, With the words, 'I love you' rolling off my tongue, No, never will I roam, For I know my place is home, Where the ocean meets the sky, I'll be sailing" these words to me speak of the comfort I find in my family, in particular my parents. There's something childlike and innocent about feeling safe and secure in their presence. Over the years these lyrics came to mean more to me, they reminded me that no matter where I went or what I did, I could always come home if I needed to. This sentiment is something that other artists have captured too, notably Cyndi Lauper with her song 'Come On Home' from her 'Twelve Deadly Cyns' album which narrowly missed the cut but gets an honourable mention here.
'Downtown Train' and 'Sailing' get a mention here as particular favourites on this album but more for the music rather than the lyrics. This album however also features 'Every Beat Of My Heart' which holds a special place in my heart. I was born in Northern Ireland, a place that has seen great conflict and divides over the issue of nationality. Those of us born here are both British and Irish by birth but there are those who identify as one more than the other, or only one. Nevertheless there is a history here that is shared between Britain and Ireland, these islands have been divide many times but there is an inescapable bond that exists that still remains despite the differences. Every Beat Of My Heart is a song about longing for your homeland, about wanting to be where you belong, and the desire to go home. The verse "And we'll drink a toast to the blood red rose, Cheer a while the Emerald Isle, And to the northern lights and the swirling pipes, How they make a grown man cry" these refer to England's Rose, to the Island of Ireland, and to Scotland respectively, I haven't travelled further than Europe in my time, the UK, Ireland, and France I have criss-crossed more times than I can count, through it all though I've never really been able to feel a sense of belonging, apart from Paris but finance makes the idea of living there almost impossible for me. Every Beat Of My Heart in many ways taps into that feeling of wondering where I belong and the only answer I've ever found was that I belonged where people love me, which can be anywhere in the world as long as they are with you.
On a lighter note there's one more track on this compilation I want to mention and that is 'The Motown Song' which saw Rod collaborate with The Temptations in 1991. The lyrics "Bring over some of your old Motown records, We'll put the speakers in the window and we'll go, On the roof and listen to the Miracles, Echo to the alley down below" these lyrics remind me of my time in London, in particular my second year of University when I rented a flat in central London with 3 flatmates. We rented the top 4 storeys of a 5 storey building. The very top of the flat had a bathroom with a skylight that we kept a step ladder so we could climb up and out onto the roof. London is a very expensive place to live, as students it cost the four of us £27,000 [$54,000 at the time] to live in that flat for the year. I spent many nights up on that roof, having a view in London was something nobody we knew could afford, the view from my bedroom window was a brick wall. This song however reminds me of one particular night spent up on that roof with a guy I had fallen for so hard, nothing ever came of it though for reasons I've already discussed at length.
My Dad's music collection also formed the basis for much of my exploration of music from the 70s and 80s, and earlier. Artists like Thin Lizzy, Toto, The Cars, Whitesnake, Status Quo, Alice Cooper, Starship, Europe, Kenny Loggins, ELO, The Jam, T.Rex, Falco, Steve Winwood, The Eurythmics, and Kim Wilde to name a few, all of which feature in my library, indeed I probably could have written 52 posts for each decade but that would have saw me repeating a lot about my personal life and these are artists I wasn't around to witness their music careers first hand, and although that is also true for some artists on this list I have tried to keep it to a minimum.
How to accurately depict an opposing belief
When you start to develop your craft, one of the hurdles you'll run into quite early is learning how to accurately depict an opposing belief. How to create characters that embody beliefs that you do not personally hold, with a credibility and a realism that makes the character believable.
Music Monday #42: Warrior by Kesha
2 years after releasing 'Animal' Kesha went on to release 'Warrior' an album that saw her departure from a care free teenage life mentality maturing into young adulthood. Kesha was 25 at the time of its release and I think the personal growth she experienced is reflected in her music. The themes touched upon in this album are heavier, and darker. This is also reflected in the artistic styling of promotional materials, such as the music videos for the singles from this album where occult imagery is used, allusions to conspiracy theories, power, control, and magic are incorporated into the visual styling.
The very first track on the album is the title track and contains the lyrics "We were born to break the doors down, Fightin' till the end, It's something that's inside of us, It's how we've always been" these lyrics reflect the burdens of the world that begin to wear you down in your 20s, when life starts to throw everything it can at you and you must evolve and fight to survive. This theme of survival is then contrasted by the second track 'Die Young' which isn't about seeking an early death or having a desire to actually die young but rather to embrace the idea of living in the moment. The lyrics "Let's make the most of the night, like we're gonna die young" put this quite clearly the song is about making the most of the time you have while you still can and living like there's no tomorrow. The juxtaposition here is establishing the premise that you should fight to survive but that fight cannot be the definition of your life if all you are ever doing is trying to avoid death you're not really living.
My absolute favourite track on this album is one that I believe is not well known as few people I have mentioned it to have heard it, 'Love Into The Light' which is a song about embracing love even when you're surrounded by darkness you need to remain open and receptive if you want to let love find its way back into your life. The chorus "Maybe it’s about the time, To let all of the love back in the light, Maybe it’s about the perfect place, To let go and forget about the hate, Love into the light" reflects this sentiment perfectly, but also the lyrics read "And I’ve got this question, yeah, Been burning through my head, Can’t we all get over ourselves, And just stop talking shit?" this reflects the struggle to abandon ego and accept life for what it is, and acknowledge that we can create darkness and we can create light and it's our choice which we choose to spread.
There's one last Kesha album I want to include on this list and it will feature near the end. For now as before I believe Kesha's personal journey and her growth reflects my own in many ways. I have mentioned the affinity I feel for her and the connection I form to her music is part of that affinity but also the criticism people direct at her is something I think is often given without context, by this I mean that people pull apart small pieces and particular aspects of her or her music that grate on them and criticise those without reflecting on the bigger picture. Again this album when taken in context of the time in her life that it reflects, then the depth of the music becomes apparent.
There will always be those who want to define who and what you are and that's okay because that definition is part of their narrative not yours. Let them define you as they please but know that how you define yourself is entirely up to you. The choice to ignore them always remains, you don't have to accept their definition and their act of defining you in and of itself is not an attack even though it can feel like one. Warrior is about fighting, and as the album progresses the narrative unfolds with 'Love Into The Light' being Kesha's subtle way of telling you that you don't have to fight every battle, you can pick and choose, your life doesn't have to devolve into a constant act of self defence, you can live for the moment and enjoy what life has to offer and leave those who are consumed with hate to get lost in it.
The final track on the deluxe edition of this album is called 'Past Lives' and it deals with this act of letting go, moving on to better things, and the idea that there is only one love, true love, and you will always find it again in the end. You can live a thousand lives and lose that love a thousand times but in the end you will always find it again, the lyrics "But I, I keep on falling for you, Time after time, time after time, I'll make you mine, time after, Time after time" speak to this belief, keep moving and you'll find the one that was meant to be.
The very first track on the album is the title track and contains the lyrics "We were born to break the doors down, Fightin' till the end, It's something that's inside of us, It's how we've always been" these lyrics reflect the burdens of the world that begin to wear you down in your 20s, when life starts to throw everything it can at you and you must evolve and fight to survive. This theme of survival is then contrasted by the second track 'Die Young' which isn't about seeking an early death or having a desire to actually die young but rather to embrace the idea of living in the moment. The lyrics "Let's make the most of the night, like we're gonna die young" put this quite clearly the song is about making the most of the time you have while you still can and living like there's no tomorrow. The juxtaposition here is establishing the premise that you should fight to survive but that fight cannot be the definition of your life if all you are ever doing is trying to avoid death you're not really living.
My absolute favourite track on this album is one that I believe is not well known as few people I have mentioned it to have heard it, 'Love Into The Light' which is a song about embracing love even when you're surrounded by darkness you need to remain open and receptive if you want to let love find its way back into your life. The chorus "Maybe it’s about the time, To let all of the love back in the light, Maybe it’s about the perfect place, To let go and forget about the hate, Love into the light" reflects this sentiment perfectly, but also the lyrics read "And I’ve got this question, yeah, Been burning through my head, Can’t we all get over ourselves, And just stop talking shit?" this reflects the struggle to abandon ego and accept life for what it is, and acknowledge that we can create darkness and we can create light and it's our choice which we choose to spread.
There's one last Kesha album I want to include on this list and it will feature near the end. For now as before I believe Kesha's personal journey and her growth reflects my own in many ways. I have mentioned the affinity I feel for her and the connection I form to her music is part of that affinity but also the criticism people direct at her is something I think is often given without context, by this I mean that people pull apart small pieces and particular aspects of her or her music that grate on them and criticise those without reflecting on the bigger picture. Again this album when taken in context of the time in her life that it reflects, then the depth of the music becomes apparent.
There will always be those who want to define who and what you are and that's okay because that definition is part of their narrative not yours. Let them define you as they please but know that how you define yourself is entirely up to you. The choice to ignore them always remains, you don't have to accept their definition and their act of defining you in and of itself is not an attack even though it can feel like one. Warrior is about fighting, and as the album progresses the narrative unfolds with 'Love Into The Light' being Kesha's subtle way of telling you that you don't have to fight every battle, you can pick and choose, your life doesn't have to devolve into a constant act of self defence, you can live for the moment and enjoy what life has to offer and leave those who are consumed with hate to get lost in it.
The final track on the deluxe edition of this album is called 'Past Lives' and it deals with this act of letting go, moving on to better things, and the idea that there is only one love, true love, and you will always find it again in the end. You can live a thousand lives and lose that love a thousand times but in the end you will always find it again, the lyrics "But I, I keep on falling for you, Time after time, time after time, I'll make you mine, time after, Time after time" speak to this belief, keep moving and you'll find the one that was meant to be.
Sentimental Attachment
When you venture into the writing community and start to interact with other writers, one of the first things you come across will either be positivity and support for you and your work, or negativity and criticism. Which one of these you encounter first will depend a lot upon the extent to which your work conforms to the expectations of others. The other will follow in time as no writer seems to be able to escape both of these unless they write and never share with the world what they write.
Music Monday #41: Until Now by Swedish House Mafia
Taking a step back for a moment I'd like to dip your toes once more into Electronic Dance Music [EDM] with 'Until Now' by Swedish House Mafia which was released in 2012. I love this album and I love Swedish House Mafia.
Swedish House Mafia was formed by Sebastian Ingrosso, Axwell, and Steve Angello and produces a genre of music called Progressive House music which in itself is a sub genre of House which is part of EDM as a whole. For a time Eric Prydz was set to join the trio to form a quarter but ultimately did not. These three producers are legends in their own right and have discographies that span decades and too many artists to name. When they came together it was clear we could expect great things and they did not disappoint. 'Until Now' is my favourite album of the two that they produced, I never formed such a strong emotional connection to the first album.
'Until Now' includes many tracks I want to mention but the first is 'Don't You Worry Child' which right off the bat opens with "There was a time I used to look into my father's eyes, In a happy home, I was a king, I had a golden throne, Those days are gone, now the memory's on the wall, I hear the songs from the places where I was born" these lyrics strike a chord for me because they take me back to childhood innocence before the world had its chance to fuck you over. That time in my life was shorter than it's meant to be, but what I remember I still hold onto, I still reminisce about the time when I didn't have to care about the world and I didn't have to worry, when there was no danger.
The lyrics that speak most to who I am now though are those that read "My father said, Don't you worry, don't you worry, child, See heaven's got a plan for you, Don't you worry, don't you worry now" the religious connotations aside, the meaning of these words for me is the reminder of that belief that everything in life happens for a reason, that you may not understand it in the moment but with time you will, to hold on and survive because there is more to life and more to come and there is something greater waiting for you. I've spoken about how hard it can be to find the will to live for someone who has had moments in life where suicide featured so heavily, the words of this song may seem light and trivial to some, but for those who have lived that life their weight is heavy, the emotion attached is strong, and the uplifting music that carries you through the narrative reinforces the importance of looking forward, to the future, to positivity, and holding on to that feeling.
Featured on this album is the track 'Antidote' produced in collaboration with Knife Party, with a progression that is much more intense and aggressive the track is reinforced with the lyrics "There's a glitch inside my system, Rushin' through my whole existence, Got me twisted, can't resist this, Somethin's flippin' all my switches, Take 'em, break 'em, make 'em feel it, Mix it up and mass-appeal it, Pressure is ridin' me hard, Killer dose right to my heart" these lyrics talk about the feeling of something being fundamentally wrong with you, like a disease eating away inside you, the recondition that something is wrong, a darkness growing that is seductive, and drawing you in, something you can't resist, that moment where you begin to spiral as your senses are overcome by the act of self destruction. The aggressive bass line of the song to me represents the heartbeat of fear and excitement intertwined and the lyrics "Antidote, There's no antidote" epitomise the loss of control that occurs in that moment when this spiral takes hold there's nothing you can do to stop it just go with it and let it spin you around.
'Save The World' is another track I want to mention because it touches on something that has always been a struggle for me. In life, when you feel vulnerable, scared, or threatened, it's natural to seek out a hero. 'Holding Out For A Hero' by Bonnie Tyler exemplifies that feeling for me, of which the Jennifer Saunders cover is my favourite. 'Save The World' by Swedish House Mafia however takes this notion of searching for a hero and asks the question of who it would be then answers it pointedly, we have to save ourselves. The lyrics "Who's gonna save the world tonight? Who's gonna bring it back to life? We're gonna make it, you and I, We're gonna save the world tonight" answers this question explicitly, this song is a song of hope and hopelessness, in the former that we may succeed but in the latter it fails to inspire much confidence because we're the ones that fucked it up in the first place.
Swedish House Mafia for a time dominated EDM and grew to such success that they dominated the mainstream too. They disbanded in 2013 and left a documentary as their parting gift for fans, there was genuine grieving for the group and a sense of loss. Half a decade later they reunited to perform at Ultra in Miami followed by a series of tours and confirmation that they were working on new music.
Swedish House Mafia have had such an impact and will leave behind a legacy that will be hard to match. Legends within EDM and known even to those who do not venture into the wider genre and sub genres of music they have touched the hearts of many with their music. Their music will form part of my music library and I can't ever see a time where I would get rid of it. EDM is a genre of music that is hard to describe in many respects because of how much it is based on the experience, many EDM tracks don't even feature vocals at all so there are no lyrics to quote or to describe how the music makes you feel but the connection is real, and once again in the end all that matters is what it makes you feel.
Swedish House Mafia was formed by Sebastian Ingrosso, Axwell, and Steve Angello and produces a genre of music called Progressive House music which in itself is a sub genre of House which is part of EDM as a whole. For a time Eric Prydz was set to join the trio to form a quarter but ultimately did not. These three producers are legends in their own right and have discographies that span decades and too many artists to name. When they came together it was clear we could expect great things and they did not disappoint. 'Until Now' is my favourite album of the two that they produced, I never formed such a strong emotional connection to the first album.
'Until Now' includes many tracks I want to mention but the first is 'Don't You Worry Child' which right off the bat opens with "There was a time I used to look into my father's eyes, In a happy home, I was a king, I had a golden throne, Those days are gone, now the memory's on the wall, I hear the songs from the places where I was born" these lyrics strike a chord for me because they take me back to childhood innocence before the world had its chance to fuck you over. That time in my life was shorter than it's meant to be, but what I remember I still hold onto, I still reminisce about the time when I didn't have to care about the world and I didn't have to worry, when there was no danger.
The lyrics that speak most to who I am now though are those that read "My father said, Don't you worry, don't you worry, child, See heaven's got a plan for you, Don't you worry, don't you worry now" the religious connotations aside, the meaning of these words for me is the reminder of that belief that everything in life happens for a reason, that you may not understand it in the moment but with time you will, to hold on and survive because there is more to life and more to come and there is something greater waiting for you. I've spoken about how hard it can be to find the will to live for someone who has had moments in life where suicide featured so heavily, the words of this song may seem light and trivial to some, but for those who have lived that life their weight is heavy, the emotion attached is strong, and the uplifting music that carries you through the narrative reinforces the importance of looking forward, to the future, to positivity, and holding on to that feeling.
Featured on this album is the track 'Antidote' produced in collaboration with Knife Party, with a progression that is much more intense and aggressive the track is reinforced with the lyrics "There's a glitch inside my system, Rushin' through my whole existence, Got me twisted, can't resist this, Somethin's flippin' all my switches, Take 'em, break 'em, make 'em feel it, Mix it up and mass-appeal it, Pressure is ridin' me hard, Killer dose right to my heart" these lyrics talk about the feeling of something being fundamentally wrong with you, like a disease eating away inside you, the recondition that something is wrong, a darkness growing that is seductive, and drawing you in, something you can't resist, that moment where you begin to spiral as your senses are overcome by the act of self destruction. The aggressive bass line of the song to me represents the heartbeat of fear and excitement intertwined and the lyrics "Antidote, There's no antidote" epitomise the loss of control that occurs in that moment when this spiral takes hold there's nothing you can do to stop it just go with it and let it spin you around.
'Save The World' is another track I want to mention because it touches on something that has always been a struggle for me. In life, when you feel vulnerable, scared, or threatened, it's natural to seek out a hero. 'Holding Out For A Hero' by Bonnie Tyler exemplifies that feeling for me, of which the Jennifer Saunders cover is my favourite. 'Save The World' by Swedish House Mafia however takes this notion of searching for a hero and asks the question of who it would be then answers it pointedly, we have to save ourselves. The lyrics "Who's gonna save the world tonight? Who's gonna bring it back to life? We're gonna make it, you and I, We're gonna save the world tonight" answers this question explicitly, this song is a song of hope and hopelessness, in the former that we may succeed but in the latter it fails to inspire much confidence because we're the ones that fucked it up in the first place.
Swedish House Mafia for a time dominated EDM and grew to such success that they dominated the mainstream too. They disbanded in 2013 and left a documentary as their parting gift for fans, there was genuine grieving for the group and a sense of loss. Half a decade later they reunited to perform at Ultra in Miami followed by a series of tours and confirmation that they were working on new music.
Swedish House Mafia have had such an impact and will leave behind a legacy that will be hard to match. Legends within EDM and known even to those who do not venture into the wider genre and sub genres of music they have touched the hearts of many with their music. Their music will form part of my music library and I can't ever see a time where I would get rid of it. EDM is a genre of music that is hard to describe in many respects because of how much it is based on the experience, many EDM tracks don't even feature vocals at all so there are no lyrics to quote or to describe how the music makes you feel but the connection is real, and once again in the end all that matters is what it makes you feel.
Music Monday #40: All For You by Janet Jackson
I must admit I had a very hard time deciding which Janet Jackson albums to include on this list, in the end I decided to pick just two, the first was an obvious choice in 'The Velvet Rope' as I regard it as her magnum opus as I mentioned before. The second album was hard to choose, I was tempted to use 'Design Of A Decade: 1986-1996" because I love every single track on that album from start to finish and the entire thing is perfection, I wouldn't change a thing. Ultimately I decided to go with one of Janet's "main" albums however as Design Of A Decade is a greatest hits compilation album and whilst I have included a fair few of those on this list already, it would not do Janet Jackson justice to focus on it rather than one of her main albums.
This assertion I make because Janet Jackson is by every definition an artist. Her albums are not simply a collection of music tracks that share a theme and musical styling but the albums as a whole are also pieces of art. I glossed over this in my previous post because I wanted to really dive into this at depth here instead as I had already gushed about how much Janet means to be as an artist and as an icon.
If you have never listened to a Janet Jackson album from start to finish then you are missing out. 'All For You' was released in 2001 and in researching this album I found a quote she gave to Essence Magazine in which she explained:
I couldn't let this post pass by without mentioning this quote, I had no idea she said this but it mirrors the narrative I have been creating throughout these posts, the trinity of love she's forming reflects my belief that 'you' in love songs can be a love interest or as she puts it a source of love, it can be self love, and it can be the love that is all around us. This genuinely made me smile while writing this post so I had to include it.
Janet Jackson has a particular love of creating concept albums that take a theme and create a narrative surrounding it, her songs are separated by interlude tracks or skits that last around a minute, sometimes they establish the premise for the next song, sometimes they reference the song that just played, and sometimes they are akin to fourth wall breaks which if you have read some of my regular posts on this blog you will know I love, I even wrote a book that centred around the narrative trope of breaking the fourth wall.
'Trust A Try' is perhaps my favourite track on this entire album and its lyrics open with "Trust - not an easy thing, you say, Never thought the game of love, This way you'd play, By the things you do, Never thought these things, I would go through with you" this track more than any other on this album speaks to me because of the experiences I have had in life. I have alluded to the childhood trauma I experienced which I don't want to go into in detail here as it isn't relevant, but what is relevant is to know that I had, and still have trust issues. I have a strange duality when it comes to trust, on the one hand I find it very hard to trust people with my life and my experiences and with anything of meaning or merit, I don't give people that power over me willingly. Despite the openness and the candidness I employ on this blog to speak about various topics, I do so in a largely abstract manner because this environment for me is safe. You don't know me personally - well very few of you will at least, so there's no sense of trust required to tell you anything, that and most of my posts are sans specifics about my actual real world life to the extent that you could connect any comments I made to individuals. On the other side of this duality is the idea that I inherently trust everyone I meet and everyone I engage with until they give me a reason not to, but once that trust is lost it is nigh on impossible to regain.
'Trust A Try' the first verse of the song after the intro in its entirety reads, "She brought love, She brought joy, She brought what she brought, You thought you'd never see again, She cheats and lied, Made you cry, said goodbye, Body's numb, think you're never gonna feel again, Then what you do now? You take it slow, Here comes Jo, things go smooth, But drama just around the bend, Don't blame me for jealousies or insecurities, Please see 'cause I wouldn't do that to you" this verse is about someone who was in love, was hurt, lost the trust they had in their lover and parted ways, heartbroken and burned by that loss of trust they meet Jo* but find it hard to trust her because of past experiences. This speaks volumes to me because it articulates the thoughts that I don't get to hear inside the heads of people who have to deal with my trust issues, it serves as a reminder that people don't want you to project the toxic behaviours of people they never even met who did you wrong in your past onto them because it's not fair on them. This is something that it took me many years to be able to process and even now I still have to remind myself that the myriad of thoughts and feelings that go through my head aren't obvious to other people unless I articulate them, this to me underlines the importance of communication in every relationship both romantic and platonic.
* Jo is Janet if that wasn't clear, she has had many nicknames and in the interlude 'Country' on her 'Damita Jo' album she discusses them.
'Son Of A Gun' saw Janet collaborate with the legendary Carly Simon to create a reinterpretation and reimagination of Carly's 1972 hit 'You're So Vain' - I love this track, both this version and Carly Simon's original, the only lyrics that are preserved between the two versions is the chorus line "I betcha think this song is about you, Don't you, don't you, don't you?" beyond this they both share the beat, and the underlying structure but the remainder of the lyrics diverge. I love this song so much for what it epitomises and that is the mistaken belief that people think about you all the time - the reality is that other people spend less time thinking about us than we like to thing, they spend more time thinking about themselves because that's what the ego does and it's own ego that leads us to believe they are thinking about us because everything revolves around it. The irony of this song is that it is in fact about that one person in particular but without ever naming them and giving them validation you sow doubt. 'You're So Vain' by Carly Simon in many ways is a diss track although it's never really acknowledged to be one it shares pretty much all of the hallmarks.
The last two tracks I want to specifically mention are 'Someone To Call My Lover' and 'Doesn't Really Matter' both of which represent my search for love and the acknowledgement that the things in life that I want are things to aspire to, things to work towards, but things that it doesn't really matter in the end if I manage to achieve them, in the case of 'Doesn't Really Matter' the lyrics for me I interpret as self love, with 'you' in this case being myself, the chorus in particular "Doesn't really matter what the eye is seeing, 'Cause I'm in love with the inner being, Doesn't really matter what they believe, What matters to me is you're in love with me" to me is about self acceptance, learning to love yourself and who you are, not worrying about what others see and the judgements they pass because it doesn't really matter in the end what other people think of you, all that matters is your relationship with yourself which I know sounds narcissistic but there is truth in that tired cliché and when you accept that truth you start to see why things never work out for some people, it's just hard to turn that back on ourselves and analyse ourselves the way we analyse others, to see in our own lives that which we can see in others with such clarity.
It is for these reasons and so much more that Janet Jackson to me is an artist, a visionary, a creative genius, and an icon.
This assertion I make because Janet Jackson is by every definition an artist. Her albums are not simply a collection of music tracks that share a theme and musical styling but the albums as a whole are also pieces of art. I glossed over this in my previous post because I wanted to really dive into this at depth here instead as I had already gushed about how much Janet means to be as an artist and as an icon.
If you have never listened to a Janet Jackson album from start to finish then you are missing out. 'All For You' was released in 2001 and in researching this album I found a quote she gave to Essence Magazine in which she explained:
"I call my latest release All for You. The 'You' is my fans who've stayed with me and watched me grow; the 'You' is the mysterious force of love that's the source of creativity; and the 'You' is also me"
- Janet Jackson, Essence Magazine September Edition 2001
I couldn't let this post pass by without mentioning this quote, I had no idea she said this but it mirrors the narrative I have been creating throughout these posts, the trinity of love she's forming reflects my belief that 'you' in love songs can be a love interest or as she puts it a source of love, it can be self love, and it can be the love that is all around us. This genuinely made me smile while writing this post so I had to include it.
Janet Jackson has a particular love of creating concept albums that take a theme and create a narrative surrounding it, her songs are separated by interlude tracks or skits that last around a minute, sometimes they establish the premise for the next song, sometimes they reference the song that just played, and sometimes they are akin to fourth wall breaks which if you have read some of my regular posts on this blog you will know I love, I even wrote a book that centred around the narrative trope of breaking the fourth wall.
'Trust A Try' is perhaps my favourite track on this entire album and its lyrics open with "Trust - not an easy thing, you say, Never thought the game of love, This way you'd play, By the things you do, Never thought these things, I would go through with you" this track more than any other on this album speaks to me because of the experiences I have had in life. I have alluded to the childhood trauma I experienced which I don't want to go into in detail here as it isn't relevant, but what is relevant is to know that I had, and still have trust issues. I have a strange duality when it comes to trust, on the one hand I find it very hard to trust people with my life and my experiences and with anything of meaning or merit, I don't give people that power over me willingly. Despite the openness and the candidness I employ on this blog to speak about various topics, I do so in a largely abstract manner because this environment for me is safe. You don't know me personally - well very few of you will at least, so there's no sense of trust required to tell you anything, that and most of my posts are sans specifics about my actual real world life to the extent that you could connect any comments I made to individuals. On the other side of this duality is the idea that I inherently trust everyone I meet and everyone I engage with until they give me a reason not to, but once that trust is lost it is nigh on impossible to regain.
'Trust A Try' the first verse of the song after the intro in its entirety reads, "She brought love, She brought joy, She brought what she brought, You thought you'd never see again, She cheats and lied, Made you cry, said goodbye, Body's numb, think you're never gonna feel again, Then what you do now? You take it slow, Here comes Jo, things go smooth, But drama just around the bend, Don't blame me for jealousies or insecurities, Please see 'cause I wouldn't do that to you" this verse is about someone who was in love, was hurt, lost the trust they had in their lover and parted ways, heartbroken and burned by that loss of trust they meet Jo* but find it hard to trust her because of past experiences. This speaks volumes to me because it articulates the thoughts that I don't get to hear inside the heads of people who have to deal with my trust issues, it serves as a reminder that people don't want you to project the toxic behaviours of people they never even met who did you wrong in your past onto them because it's not fair on them. This is something that it took me many years to be able to process and even now I still have to remind myself that the myriad of thoughts and feelings that go through my head aren't obvious to other people unless I articulate them, this to me underlines the importance of communication in every relationship both romantic and platonic.
* Jo is Janet if that wasn't clear, she has had many nicknames and in the interlude 'Country' on her 'Damita Jo' album she discusses them.
'Son Of A Gun' saw Janet collaborate with the legendary Carly Simon to create a reinterpretation and reimagination of Carly's 1972 hit 'You're So Vain' - I love this track, both this version and Carly Simon's original, the only lyrics that are preserved between the two versions is the chorus line "I betcha think this song is about you, Don't you, don't you, don't you?" beyond this they both share the beat, and the underlying structure but the remainder of the lyrics diverge. I love this song so much for what it epitomises and that is the mistaken belief that people think about you all the time - the reality is that other people spend less time thinking about us than we like to thing, they spend more time thinking about themselves because that's what the ego does and it's own ego that leads us to believe they are thinking about us because everything revolves around it. The irony of this song is that it is in fact about that one person in particular but without ever naming them and giving them validation you sow doubt. 'You're So Vain' by Carly Simon in many ways is a diss track although it's never really acknowledged to be one it shares pretty much all of the hallmarks.
The last two tracks I want to specifically mention are 'Someone To Call My Lover' and 'Doesn't Really Matter' both of which represent my search for love and the acknowledgement that the things in life that I want are things to aspire to, things to work towards, but things that it doesn't really matter in the end if I manage to achieve them, in the case of 'Doesn't Really Matter' the lyrics for me I interpret as self love, with 'you' in this case being myself, the chorus in particular "Doesn't really matter what the eye is seeing, 'Cause I'm in love with the inner being, Doesn't really matter what they believe, What matters to me is you're in love with me" to me is about self acceptance, learning to love yourself and who you are, not worrying about what others see and the judgements they pass because it doesn't really matter in the end what other people think of you, all that matters is your relationship with yourself which I know sounds narcissistic but there is truth in that tired cliché and when you accept that truth you start to see why things never work out for some people, it's just hard to turn that back on ourselves and analyse ourselves the way we analyse others, to see in our own lives that which we can see in others with such clarity.
It is for these reasons and so much more that Janet Jackson to me is an artist, a visionary, a creative genius, and an icon.
Music Monday #39: Northern Star by Melanie C
The 90s for me like many were dominated by pop groups, coupled with Eurodance and to a lesser extent power ballads but those were in decline after experiencing their golden age in the 80s. You can't talk about pop in the UK in the 90s without mentioning the Spice Girls, a group that was in many regards ground-breaking, award winning, and by any definition a juggernaut. When the group eventually split up, it happened at first with the departure of Geri Halliwell after which the four remaining girls continued but eventually went their own ways too. They each pursued solo careers for a time with varying success, but in my mind the artist who had the greatest success as a singer beyond their time in the Spice Girls was Melanie Chisholm, better known simply as Mel C.
Mel C's solo career began with her first solo album 'Northern Star' released in 1999 which still remains my favourite album she put out but this isn't surprising given that William Orbit helped produce the album a legend within the EDM scene who a year prior had produced 'Ray Of Light' for Madonna. The album mixes genres and it's hard to pin it down to just one for that reason. Another producer involved in the album was Rick Nowels, another music industry legend who coincidentally co-wrote 'The Power Of Goodbye' with Madonna for Ray Of Light, not only this he has worked with many artists through the decades including Belinda Carlisle who gets an honourable mention here, in particular for her 'Heaven On Earth' album which features two of my favourite songs by her 'Heaven Is A Place On Earth' and ' Circles In The Sand' both of which Rick Nowels wrote. Belinda was one of the artists that fell just short of being featured on this list in a post of her own.
Northern Star therefore has a pedigree attached to it that set it up to be a production that I was destined to fall in love with, not to be contrived but the stars really did align for this album for me. 'I Turn To You' is my favourite track on the album which features twice, first in its original incarnation but secondly as a remix by the inestimable Hex Hector. This isn't the remix I alluded to in a previous post, there is one more artist to come with whom Hex Hector worked.
Hex Hector's remix of 'I Turn To You' is one of my favourite remixes of all time. I was too young at the time to experience clubs or the gay scene in particular but this is a track I would have happily danced the night away to. The lyrics I have to resist posting in full because the entire song from start to finish speaks to me, every word, I wouldn't change a thing about it. Having said that, right from the start the opening verse "When the world is darker than I can understand, When nothing turns out the way I planned, When the sky turns grey and there's no end in sight, When I can't sleep through the lonely night" my God if an artist ever captured the way I feel about the world at times this was the moment that summed it up so succinctly. This was another track that grew in meaning for me over time, this track I connected with instantly but it would not be for several years before those words sank in so deeply and became a part of my life. Even now in 2020 with everything I have been through the lyrics are still forming deeper connections to my life, "When my insides are wracked with anxiety, You have the touch that will quiet me, You lift my spirit, You melt the ice, When I need inspiration, when I need advice" this speaks even now to my recent struggle with anxiety, and the episodes of depression I have been through and through it all I search for "you" which as I have mentioned in previous posts is a word in love songs that takes on many different meanings for me, sometimes it refers to a romantic or platonic love, sometimes it refers to the search for your true inner self, and in some cases it can refer to the search for a higher power to give you strength which in this case this is the meaning attributed to it for me, "you" in this song is the Universe, not a God or a deity or spiritual entity, but the Universe itself and the benevolence that is inherent within it that has been there for me at times when I have stopped fighting it and given in to it - "I turn to you. Like a flower leaning toward the sun, I turn to you, 'Cos you're the only one, Who can turn me around when I'm upside down, I turn to you"
Northern Star is an album that crosses many genres but it also crosses many emotions too, from the mixture of happiness and longing that 'I Turn To You' embodies, to the anger that 'Goin' Down' articulates, once more at a time when I couldn't find the words to express myself I turned to music, "How come I didn't see, You were making fun of me? How dare you change the rules? You made me look a fool, Well, now you're gonna see, The last laugh's not on me" these words expressed my anger for people that I felt had manipulated me with their childhood games and their twisted words that tried to pull my strings like a puppet to make me dance, "Now I feel no remorse, My life is back on course, From this little hitch, I have become a super bitch, But don't be afraid, By the confession I made, I am not a whore, I have, have, have, have, You're goin' down" these lyrics reflected the change that occurred in me near the end of my teenage years where I was angry at the world and rather than feeling hard done by it, I wanted revenge, spite drove me forward in my life for a time.
I would also like to take a moment here to say the official lyrics to 'Goin Down' as quoted above say "I have, have, have, have" but this isn't what I hear when Mel C sings, and this is one of those instances where you can chalk it up to misheard lyrics but for the longest time I thought she scream "I have got my pride" in anger in that line, which to me fits the song more, and I still think of those as the actual lyrics, listen for yourself and be the judge, this may be a case of Yanny/Laurel but it remains a point of contention that misheard lyrics can still leave and impression on you, it's what they make you feel that matters, to quote Rob Thomas from his song 'Little Wonders' he said "Let your clarity define you; In the end, We will only just remember how it feels" this track was part of the soundtrack to Disney's 'Meet The Robinsons' and references the plot of the movie without giving spoilers a young boy named Lewis sought to understand his past but in the end realises that his past doesn't matter all that matters is how it made him feel because that's all you remember in the end.
I could write about every single track on this album because I love them all, but I wanted to mention one more specifically and that is 'Never Be the Same Again' a duet with Lisa Lopes which still holds a special place in my heart with meaning that has evolved over time. The song is about moving on, about new beginnings and rebirth, the first time this song really came into its own for me was when I came out, the lyrics "It's just the beginning it's not the end, Things will never be the same again, It's not a secret anymore, Now we've opened up the door" and "I can't believe it took me quite so long, To take the forbidden step, Is this something that I might regret?" speak volumes to the maelstrom of emotions you pass through in those moments when you first come out, the mixture of freedom and liberation but also the realisation of transformation and the fact that everything changes, except sometimes it doesn't, sometimes you realise you built it up to be more than you thought. Either way, the lyrics have grown with me and Northern Star in many regards as an album serves as yet another example of music that I return to often to see how much I have grown as a person, to see what connects with me that did not connect before with new experiences behind me from the life I have lived.
In case it wasn't clear by now, I advocate the exploration of our music libraries in this way. When you rely on playlists there is a tendency to play the same 6 songs on repeat but your music collect grows and whilst certain tracks and albums may have meant something to you at the time, it's a journey to be experienced by exploring them all over again. There are artists that I liked, but grew to love, and even artists I hated at the time who never entered into my radar who when I heard their music later in life I formed a connection and an understanding that had gone over my head at the time leading me to including them in my collection. There are albums I have bought years, and in some cases decades after they were released, and a fair few released before I was even born. There is so much to explore and so much to discover, not just from an outward perspective but from an inward perspective too, so I highly recommend taking the time to reconnect with some of the music in your collection.
Mel C's solo career began with her first solo album 'Northern Star' released in 1999 which still remains my favourite album she put out but this isn't surprising given that William Orbit helped produce the album a legend within the EDM scene who a year prior had produced 'Ray Of Light' for Madonna. The album mixes genres and it's hard to pin it down to just one for that reason. Another producer involved in the album was Rick Nowels, another music industry legend who coincidentally co-wrote 'The Power Of Goodbye' with Madonna for Ray Of Light, not only this he has worked with many artists through the decades including Belinda Carlisle who gets an honourable mention here, in particular for her 'Heaven On Earth' album which features two of my favourite songs by her 'Heaven Is A Place On Earth' and ' Circles In The Sand' both of which Rick Nowels wrote. Belinda was one of the artists that fell just short of being featured on this list in a post of her own.
Northern Star therefore has a pedigree attached to it that set it up to be a production that I was destined to fall in love with, not to be contrived but the stars really did align for this album for me. 'I Turn To You' is my favourite track on the album which features twice, first in its original incarnation but secondly as a remix by the inestimable Hex Hector. This isn't the remix I alluded to in a previous post, there is one more artist to come with whom Hex Hector worked.
Hex Hector's remix of 'I Turn To You' is one of my favourite remixes of all time. I was too young at the time to experience clubs or the gay scene in particular but this is a track I would have happily danced the night away to. The lyrics I have to resist posting in full because the entire song from start to finish speaks to me, every word, I wouldn't change a thing about it. Having said that, right from the start the opening verse "When the world is darker than I can understand, When nothing turns out the way I planned, When the sky turns grey and there's no end in sight, When I can't sleep through the lonely night" my God if an artist ever captured the way I feel about the world at times this was the moment that summed it up so succinctly. This was another track that grew in meaning for me over time, this track I connected with instantly but it would not be for several years before those words sank in so deeply and became a part of my life. Even now in 2020 with everything I have been through the lyrics are still forming deeper connections to my life, "When my insides are wracked with anxiety, You have the touch that will quiet me, You lift my spirit, You melt the ice, When I need inspiration, when I need advice" this speaks even now to my recent struggle with anxiety, and the episodes of depression I have been through and through it all I search for "you" which as I have mentioned in previous posts is a word in love songs that takes on many different meanings for me, sometimes it refers to a romantic or platonic love, sometimes it refers to the search for your true inner self, and in some cases it can refer to the search for a higher power to give you strength which in this case this is the meaning attributed to it for me, "you" in this song is the Universe, not a God or a deity or spiritual entity, but the Universe itself and the benevolence that is inherent within it that has been there for me at times when I have stopped fighting it and given in to it - "I turn to you. Like a flower leaning toward the sun, I turn to you, 'Cos you're the only one, Who can turn me around when I'm upside down, I turn to you"
Northern Star is an album that crosses many genres but it also crosses many emotions too, from the mixture of happiness and longing that 'I Turn To You' embodies, to the anger that 'Goin' Down' articulates, once more at a time when I couldn't find the words to express myself I turned to music, "How come I didn't see, You were making fun of me? How dare you change the rules? You made me look a fool, Well, now you're gonna see, The last laugh's not on me" these words expressed my anger for people that I felt had manipulated me with their childhood games and their twisted words that tried to pull my strings like a puppet to make me dance, "Now I feel no remorse, My life is back on course, From this little hitch, I have become a super bitch, But don't be afraid, By the confession I made, I am not a whore, I have, have, have, have, You're goin' down" these lyrics reflected the change that occurred in me near the end of my teenage years where I was angry at the world and rather than feeling hard done by it, I wanted revenge, spite drove me forward in my life for a time.
I would also like to take a moment here to say the official lyrics to 'Goin Down' as quoted above say "I have, have, have, have" but this isn't what I hear when Mel C sings, and this is one of those instances where you can chalk it up to misheard lyrics but for the longest time I thought she scream "I have got my pride" in anger in that line, which to me fits the song more, and I still think of those as the actual lyrics, listen for yourself and be the judge, this may be a case of Yanny/Laurel but it remains a point of contention that misheard lyrics can still leave and impression on you, it's what they make you feel that matters, to quote Rob Thomas from his song 'Little Wonders' he said "Let your clarity define you; In the end, We will only just remember how it feels" this track was part of the soundtrack to Disney's 'Meet The Robinsons' and references the plot of the movie without giving spoilers a young boy named Lewis sought to understand his past but in the end realises that his past doesn't matter all that matters is how it made him feel because that's all you remember in the end.
I could write about every single track on this album because I love them all, but I wanted to mention one more specifically and that is 'Never Be the Same Again' a duet with Lisa Lopes which still holds a special place in my heart with meaning that has evolved over time. The song is about moving on, about new beginnings and rebirth, the first time this song really came into its own for me was when I came out, the lyrics "It's just the beginning it's not the end, Things will never be the same again, It's not a secret anymore, Now we've opened up the door" and "I can't believe it took me quite so long, To take the forbidden step, Is this something that I might regret?" speak volumes to the maelstrom of emotions you pass through in those moments when you first come out, the mixture of freedom and liberation but also the realisation of transformation and the fact that everything changes, except sometimes it doesn't, sometimes you realise you built it up to be more than you thought. Either way, the lyrics have grown with me and Northern Star in many regards as an album serves as yet another example of music that I return to often to see how much I have grown as a person, to see what connects with me that did not connect before with new experiences behind me from the life I have lived.
In case it wasn't clear by now, I advocate the exploration of our music libraries in this way. When you rely on playlists there is a tendency to play the same 6 songs on repeat but your music collect grows and whilst certain tracks and albums may have meant something to you at the time, it's a journey to be experienced by exploring them all over again. There are artists that I liked, but grew to love, and even artists I hated at the time who never entered into my radar who when I heard their music later in life I formed a connection and an understanding that had gone over my head at the time leading me to including them in my collection. There are albums I have bought years, and in some cases decades after they were released, and a fair few released before I was even born. There is so much to explore and so much to discover, not just from an outward perspective but from an inward perspective too, so I highly recommend taking the time to reconnect with some of the music in your collection.
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