Sometimes songs that are meant to inspire happiness can be the saddest songs of all. The holiday season came and went and with it a cloud of depression descended upon me. I was never like this in the past, Christmas was one of my favourite times of the year. I used to look forward to it, even when I grew up and the season lost its magic, I still found joy and happiness in the decorations and the festivity. I was always a believer in the season of good will and kindness to all, I don't know when that changed. Perhaps it didn't change but rather the darkness that swells in the undercurrent has grown with age to the point where that energy isn't enough to compensate for it anymore.
I'm struggling this year more than I ever have emotionally, the extreme swings have given way to a long slow decline. I was listening to a song that wasn't even a Christmas track just one that Spotify decided to recommend '1999' by Charli XCX, despite the intention to drum up nostalgia for a simpler time, the track had the opposite effect on me. 1999 wasn't a good year for me, it's not something I'd particularly want to repeat if I am honest. The idea of going back to a time of innocence is intoxicating because ignorance is seductive it offers a false promise of protection from the horrors of the world but that's all it is, a false promise.
