Music Monday #39: Northern Star by Melanie C

The 90s for me like many were dominated by pop groups, coupled with Eurodance and to a lesser extent power ballads but those were in decline after experiencing their golden age in the 80s.  You can't talk about pop in the UK in the 90s without mentioning the Spice Girls, a group that was in many regards ground-breaking, award winning, and by any definition a juggernaut.  When the group eventually split up, it happened at first with the departure of Geri Halliwell after which the four remaining girls continued but eventually went their own ways too.  They each pursued solo careers for a time with varying success, but in my mind the artist who had the greatest success as a singer beyond their time in the Spice Girls was Melanie Chisholm, better known simply as Mel C.

Mel C's solo career began with her first solo album 'Northern Star' released in 1999 which still remains my favourite album she put out but this isn't surprising given that William Orbit helped produce the album a legend within the EDM scene who a year prior had produced 'Ray Of Light' for Madonna.  The album mixes genres and it's hard to pin it down to just one for that reason.  Another producer involved in the album was Rick Nowels, another music industry legend who coincidentally co-wrote 'The Power Of Goodbye' with Madonna for Ray Of Light, not only this he has worked with many artists through the decades including Belinda Carlisle who gets an honourable mention here, in particular for her 'Heaven On Earth' album which features two of my favourite songs by her 'Heaven Is A Place On Earth' and ' Circles In The Sand' both of which Rick Nowels wrote.  Belinda was one of the artists that fell just short of being featured on this list in a post of her own.

Northern Star therefore has a pedigree attached to it that set it up to be a production that I was destined to fall in love with, not to be contrived but the stars really did align for this album for me.  'I Turn To You' is my favourite track on the album which features twice, first in its original incarnation but secondly as a remix by the inestimable Hex Hector.  This isn't the remix I alluded to in a previous post, there is one more artist to come with whom Hex Hector worked. 

Hex Hector's remix of 'I Turn To You' is one of my favourite remixes of all time.  I was too young at the time to experience clubs or the gay scene in particular but this is a track I would have happily danced the night away to.  The lyrics I have to resist posting in full because the entire song from start to finish speaks to me, every word, I wouldn't change a thing about it.  Having said that, right from the start the opening verse "When the world is darker than I can understand, When nothing turns out the way I planned, When the sky turns grey and there's no end in sight, When I can't sleep through the lonely night" my God if an artist ever captured the way I feel about the world at times this was the moment that summed it up so succinctly.  This was another track that grew in meaning for me over time, this track I connected with instantly but it would not be for several years before those words sank in so deeply and became a part of my life.  Even now in 2020 with everything I have been through the lyrics are still forming deeper connections to my life, "When my insides are wracked with anxiety, You have the touch that will quiet me, You lift my spirit, You melt the ice, When I need inspiration, when I need advice" this speaks even now to my recent struggle with anxiety, and the episodes of depression I have been through and through it all I search for "you" which as I have mentioned in previous posts is a word in love songs that takes on many different meanings for me, sometimes it refers to a romantic or platonic love, sometimes it refers to the search for your true inner self, and in some cases it can refer to the search for a higher power to give you strength which in this case this is the meaning attributed to it for me, "you" in this song is the Universe, not a God or a deity or spiritual entity, but the Universe itself and the benevolence that is inherent within it that has been there for me at times when I have stopped fighting it and given in to it - "I turn to you. Like a flower leaning toward the sun, I turn to you, 'Cos you're the only one, Who can turn me around when I'm upside down, I turn to you"

Northern Star is an album that crosses many genres but it also crosses many emotions too, from the mixture of happiness and longing that 'I Turn To You' embodies, to the anger that 'Goin' Down' articulates, once more at a time when I couldn't find the words to express myself I turned to music, "How come I didn't see, You were making fun of me?  How dare you change the rules?  You made me look a fool, Well, now you're gonna see, The last laugh's not on me" these words expressed my anger for people that I felt had manipulated me with their childhood games and their twisted words that tried to pull my strings like a puppet to make me dance, "Now I feel no remorse, My life is back on course, From this little hitch, I have become a super bitch, But don't be afraid, By the confession I made, I am not a whore, I have, have, have, have, You're goin' down" these lyrics reflected the change that occurred in me near the end of my teenage years where I was angry at the world and rather than feeling hard done by it, I wanted revenge, spite drove me forward in my life for a time. 

I would also like to take a moment here to say the official lyrics to 'Goin Down' as quoted above say "I have, have, have, have" but this isn't what I hear when Mel C sings, and this is one of those instances where you can chalk it up to misheard lyrics but for the longest time I thought she scream "I have got my pride" in anger in that line, which to me fits the song more, and I still think of those as the actual lyrics, listen for yourself and be the judge, this may be a case of Yanny/Laurel but it remains a point of contention that misheard lyrics can still leave and impression on you, it's what they make you feel that matters, to quote Rob Thomas from his song 'Little Wonders' he said "Let your clarity define you; In the end, We will only just remember how it feels" this track was part of the soundtrack to Disney's 'Meet The Robinsons' and references the plot of the movie without giving spoilers a young boy named Lewis sought to understand his past but in the end realises that his past doesn't matter all that matters is how it made him feel because that's all you remember in the end.

I could write about every single track on this album because I love them all, but I wanted to mention one more specifically and that is 'Never Be the Same Again' a duet with Lisa Lopes which still holds a special place in my heart with meaning that has evolved over time.  The song is about moving on, about new beginnings and rebirth, the first time this song really came into its own for me was when I came out, the lyrics "It's just the beginning it's not the end, Things will never be the same again, It's not a secret anymore, Now we've opened up the door" and "I can't believe it took me quite so long, To take the forbidden step, Is this something that I might regret?" speak volumes to the maelstrom of emotions you pass through in those moments when you first come out, the mixture of freedom and liberation but also the realisation of transformation and the fact that everything changes, except sometimes it doesn't, sometimes you realise you built it up to be more than you thought.  Either way, the lyrics have grown with me and Northern Star in many regards as an album serves as yet another example of music that I return to often to see how much I have grown as a person, to see what connects with me that did not connect before with new experiences behind me from the life I have lived.

In case it wasn't clear by now, I advocate the exploration of our music libraries in this way.  When you rely on playlists there is a tendency to play the same 6 songs on repeat but your music collect grows and whilst certain tracks and albums may have meant something to you at the time, it's a journey to be experienced by exploring them all over again.  There are artists that I liked, but grew to love, and even artists I hated at the time who never entered into my radar who when I heard their music later in life I formed a connection and an understanding that had gone over my head at the time leading me to including them in my collection.  There are albums I have bought years, and in some cases decades after they were released, and a fair few released before I was even born.  There is so much to explore and so much to discover, not just from an outward perspective but from an inward perspective too, so I highly recommend taking the time to reconnect with some of the music in your collection.

Music Monday #38: Mama's Big Ones by Cass Elliot

I came out when I was 17 years old, first to my close friends then to my family, but I still kept one foot in the closet for a time.  It wasn't until my time at University when I decided from day one to be out and never make any attempt to hide that fact.  No one give a shit.  That was a period of liberation for me, to be surrounded by people for whom it was a complete non issue.  I could relax, open up, and be myself.  During that time I dipped my toe slowly at first into the LGBT world.  From the start I wanted to explore the culture and the history behind the community because I knew there would be things that others would reference that I had never experienced - for what it's worth in hindsight this wasn't really necessary at all but it did give me the confidence to feel as if I knew what I was talking about and the most important thing when stepping into a world you want to be part of, I believe, is having confidence and feeling as though that is where you belong.

In my attempts to explore LGBT culture I watched countless movies and TV shows that featured LGBT story lines and characters and seminal works that form part of the LGBT Zeitgeist.  That journey for me like many of my generation began with a movie released in 1996 released by Channel 4 Films called 'Beautiful Thing' written by Jonathan Harvey, a man who I knew of for his work on sitcoms, soaps, and most notably for me, 'Gimme Gimme Gimme' a very British sitcom about a gay guy named Tom Farrell played by James Dreyfus and his now legendary flatmate Linda La Hughes played by Kathy Burke.  I could write an entire post on GGG, but I'll save that for another time.

Beautiful Thing is the story of a young closeted gay boy named Jamie and his coming of age who falls in love with his neighbour Ste.  The movie still means a lot to me not just for the setting and the themes it touches on which I connected with but also because of the soundtrack.  One of Jamie's other neighbours is a girl named Leah whose mother loved the music of Cass Elliot also known as Mama Cass.  Her music featured heavily in the soundtrack and it was this movie more than anything that led me to explore her back catalogue which led me to 'Mama's Big One's one of her greatest hits albums of which she has quite a few not least of all for her musical journey that saw her start out in The Big 3 before moving on The Mugwamps then eventually The Mamas And The Papas whilst also recording solo works along the way.

Right off the bat the track most people probably know Mama Cass for is 'Make Your Own Kind Of Music' which remains something of an anthem for gay people in particular as it centres around the notion of walking your own path and not worrying about moving in a direction other people aren't.  The lyrics open with "Nobody can tell you, There's only one song worth singing, They may try and sell you, Cause it hangs them up, To see someone like you" which speaks directly to this feeling before breaking straight into the chorus with "But you gotta make your own kind of music, Sing your own special song, Make your own kind of music, Even if nobody else sings along" which has gone on to inspire countless covers, features in movies, and become a panacea for the disparate.  An honourable mention here goes to one particular cover by Paloma Faith which I think does the original justice.

Mama Cass is very easy to listen to, her voice is melodic and provides warmth and comfort.  'Dream A Little Dream Of Me' exemplifies this feeling, the lyrics "Sweet dreams 'til sunbeams find you, Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you, But in your dreams, whatever they be, Dream a little dream of me" speaks volumes to that want to be constant both in search of something reassurance but also in aspiration of being that for someone else. 

The choice of Mama Cass and her music was the perfect accompaniment to Beautiful Thing, I will always associate the two for this reason and I will always associate the lyrics with love and hope, but also with the feeling of longing and to an extent the feeling of heartache too.  Mama Cass has a style of music that doesn't need to be aggressive to connect with the listener on an emotional level, there's no confrontation, no hostility just pure emotion being expressed in a way that draws pure emotion out in response.

My journey through LGBT culture started at that time in my life but time and again Mama Cass has popped up in unexpected places, even those who have never seen Beautiful Thing have mentioned their love of her music which to me speaks volumes as to the emotional connection and the affinity that LGBT people in particular have for her.  This is one of those albums that I listen to when I can't feel anything and I want to clear that blockage away and let something out, that may not sound like the most eloquent way of putting it but Mama Cass had a talent for making people feel something when no-one else could and for that reason more than anything she remains in my music library as comfort, reassurance, and warmth.

Music Monday #37: The Very Best of Enya

And now, Enya.  Thank you Steve Hughes for the inspiration to place Enya at this point on the list, if you have no idea what I am referring to look up "Steve Hughes Enya" and you'll see. 

Balance out darkness with light, let positivity counter negativity, let relaxation remedy stress and angst.  These are fairly basic concepts, but they are effective strategies and so often in life we come to believe that the simplest solutions are too simple and couldn't possibly be effective so we abandon them with time favouring more complex solutions.  Enya's music is mellow, relaxing, and as Steve put it, "like silence coloured in" which is a rather beautiful and apt way to describe her musical style.  I've chosen the greatest hits album of 'The Very Best Of Enya' because it covers pretty much everything I want to cover.

The first track I want to pay particular attention to is 'Orinoco Flow' that offers a mediation in reflection as Enya leads you on a journey around the world across continents the music carries you.  Trixie Mattel once joked in an episode of UNHhhh, her web series with Katya Zamolodchikova, that Enya makes "Witch Music" which I think again is quite an apt description, not inferring darkness or light but rather the nature of her music holding an appeal that runs deeper than something surface and base.  Orinoco Flow is somewhat repetitive and hypnotic and without going into great depth here, actually incorporates some chanting structures that are shared with some schools of witchcraft, I'm not saying necessarily that this was intended but it's worth noting that Orinoco Flow like the name suggests is intended to flow and carry the consciousness in repetition interspersed with progression, so make of that what you will.

One of my favourite tracks on this album I want to pay specific attention to is 'Only Time' for its lyrical structure.  This song speaks to me and my weariness with life, the confusion and disorientation I have often felt, and the search for greater meaning.  The lyrics "Who can say where the road goes, Where the day flows, only time, And who can say if your love grows, As your heart chose, only time" these represent the promise that clarity will come with time, that in the moment looking to the present and to the future you may feel lost and confused and unable to make sense of things but time heals all wounds and clarity will come in time - this might not always be the literal case but it speaks to the importance of finding patience in life, some questions can't be answered in the moment and if you focus on them too much they will consume you.  Sometimes you have to step back, breathe, let go and trust that clarity will come.  We don't always get to know why we fall in love with the people we do, or why things happen the way the happen, that's part of life.

Enya's music really does speak to those who are weary and tired of the world, where Guns N' Roses and Hard Rock, Metal, and genres like them feed the anger and the darker emotions, Enya feeds the tranquillity and the lighter emotions, but ultimately they both speak to the same impetus but these parallels are the associations as yet only a human mind can draw, algorithms can't yet accurately identify the association and identify mood so as to offer suggestions of music that you might like that aren't ham fisted.  In the mindset of listening to GNR you won't be receptive to Enya and likewise in the middle of shuffling through Enya tracks one of GNR would be entirely out of place and unwelcome but both can exist in someone's music library as in mine, for the exact same reason, that ultimately they both offer a means to process emotions, thoughts and feelings that you otherwise don't know how to process albeit in very different ways.

I listen to the entire album either on shuffle or sometimes in order when I want to unwind, Enya's music is easy to listen to, easy to take when you don't want to put in a lot of energy.  There's only one other track I want to single out from this album and that is 'May It Be' which featured on the soundtrack to 'The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring' which is centred around Frodo's journey but also reflects the journey we all make in life, it reflects the weight that we carry and how hard that path can be and offers hope and optimism and the lyrics "When the night is overcome, You may rise to find the sun" emphasising perseverance and the promise that there is something left to live for, something to reach for, something more that will come to you if you can make it.

Music Monday #36: Guns n Roses Greatest Hits

A few more EDM albums will feature on this list before it comes to an end but for now I will pull myself back or I'll end up sliding down a hill and filling the list with EDM albums.  I could write a 52 entry list of EDM albums alone if I allowed compilations by various artists but I am not going to do that.

Moving aware from EDM, one genre of music that I have dabbled in that surprises many is Hard Rock since it departs rather aggressively from the likes of Celine Dion and Kylie Minogue who can also be found in my library.  When it comes to defining Hard Rock there was only one choice so I'm going right to the top with the greatest hits album of Guns N' Roses.  The very first track that I want to feature is actually the second on the album, 'Sweet Child O' Mine' which has one of the most iconic openings ever produced, the first 30 seconds of that song alone are a masterpiece.  The lyrics to Sweet Child O Mine are perfection, those that speak most to me are "She's got eyes of the bluest skies, As if they thought of rain, I hate to look into those eyes and see an ounce of pain, Her hair reminds me of a warm, safe place, Where as a child I'd hide, An' pray for the thunder and the rain to quietly pass me by" the exquisite use of language to depict images of beauty and grace and emotional depth here is almost unparalleled.  Sweet Child O Mine is a song for those who are world weary who want to drowned it all out and get lost in the moment, lost in the lyrics, and carried away by the music.

Likewise, 'Welcome To The Jungle' employs yet another iconic opening that has been sampled so many times, featured in so many movies and TV shows throughout pop culture, Welcome To The Jungle epitomises the realisation and the awakening that everyone comes to at some point in their life that this world is a free for all filled with people who are out for whatever they can get, it's survival of the fittest, trust no-one and pursue your pleasure because everyone else is, survive by your instincts, the lyrics "Welcome to the jungle, it gets worse here everyday, You learn to live like an animal in the jungle where we play, If you got a hunger for what you see, you'll take it eventually, You can have anything you want, but you better not take it from me" once again are exquisite and perfectly capture the nature of life, sooner or later you're going to have to fight to survive, and learn that the things you want you have to take, they're not going to be handed to you, and that last line harkens back to that scene in George Orwell's Nineteen Eighty Four for me "You can have anything you want, but you better not take it from me" echoes Winston's cries in Room 101 when he was faced with his worst fear, "Do it to Julia! Do it to Julia! Not me! Julia! I don’t care what you do to her. Tear her face off, strip her to the bones. Not me! Julia! Not me!" showing that people will sacrifice you ensure their own survival this spoke to the raw emotion I felt when I felt alone in this world, like I couldn't depend on anyone.

Guns N Roses lyrics tap into emotions that run deep and get very intense.  Also worthy of note is 'Paradise City' which taps into this same emotion but I won't dwell on that one, instead I'd like to give particular mention to 3 tracks that demonstrate further examples of covers that I think surpass the originals, 'Knockin' on Heaven's Door' originally by Bob Dylan, 'Live And Let Die' originally by Wings, and 'Sympathy For The Devil' originally by The Rolling Stones are all perfection.  Particularly I want to mention Sympathy For The Devil which is a song that has a particular meaning for me.  I've mentioned before that during my moments where I have transformed my own beliefs and questioned religions I've taken the time to explore some unorthodox beliefs for myself.  Sympathy For The Devil does not represent Devil worship as some people seem to think at surface value, anyone who has actually listened to the lyrics know their true meaning is about recognising darkness for what it is, its intensity is a reflection of the darkness within mankind, there's only one single line in the song that reveals this and it's there in black and white "When after all, it was you and me" this captures something I have held in truth and lived my life by, that is the belief that mankind was never taught to be evil it is in our nature, if you want to get rid of evil in the world then start with yourself, but most people can't, as Pink put it with Catch-22 "You're damned if you do, You're damned if you don't, We're always doing all the things, That we say we won't" so why pretend you're innocent and above it all, instead recognise the darkness and acknowledge it, "So if you meet me, have some courtesy, Have some sympathy, and some taste, Use all your well-learned politesse, Or I'll lay your soul to waste" this is putting it pointedly, recognise the darkness and do not be arrogant and ignorant of it or you will be consumed by it out of ignorance.