I have a problem with the idea that the older you get the more respect you should be paid. The only assertion I can make about someone who is older than me, is that they are closer to death, and even at that this assertion can not be made categorically because there will be many factors that will determine who will die first - I could end up dying before them.
I don't believe that anyone younger than I should pay me any respect due to my age alone. I want people to respect me for who I am, not what I am. The idea that with age you should automatically be granted respect is in itself disrespectful. It promotes the idea that all you have to do is survive in order to be considered reverent.
You can live to a very old age and be a cruel, callous person. You could live a life filled with bile spouting nothing but hatred. Age in and of itself draws absolutely no conclusions on the nature of your character. It cannot be used to imply any great achievement other than survival which in and of itself is not something that is deserving of reverence. A life of survival can be plentiful or repetitive. It can be one filled with achievement or it can be one defined only by a cycle of eat, drink, sleep, repeat.
If your life was to be expressed as a progress bar, with your age only representing the percentage complete, to have a higher percentage is no achievement other than one of having endured long enough to reach that point. If respect is something that has to be earned then you should be reasonably expected to do something worthy of that respect.
While many people say that younger generations have no respect for their elders, as I have grown and aged I find myself in a middle ground. Although I am not middle aged, I am old enough not to be considered young by those who identify as such, and likewise I am young enough still not to be considered old by those who likewise identify as such. In this middle ground I can see both sides and ultimately declare that as much disrespect for young people is displayed by older generations as they so often criticise. I think the revelation here is that respect has nothing to do with age. Both who cry on both sides of the lack of respect from either side are as naive as each other to believe that they should be given respect without earning it first.
As age does not imply wisdom, and neither does knowledge, so too then age should not imply respect nor reverence.
Can you trust a Gay Man?
Let me preface this with two things, firstly I am a gay man if that wasn't obvious enough, and secondly, I have some major trust issues which if you've read some of my previous posts you'll already know and be familiar with the problems it causes.
I had a thought today about trust, more specifically I had a question, can you trust a gay man? The immediate first reaction to this question for me was why should gay men be considered any different and that led me to consider something. Most gay men will spend a part of their lives in the closet. For many this enclosure is self imposed out of the fear of how others might react to knowing they are gay. Fear is a powerful motivation. People will do incredible things when they are afraid and go to extraordinary lengths. However, to be in the closet, at it's most fundamental definition is to actively hide something. While many people post-coming out will say in hindsight that what they were hiding was not such a big deal after all, in the moment however that one aspect of who you are can be the most monumental truth, an Earth-shattering statement that you fear being known for the destructive power that it seemingly holds.
What has all this got to do with trust? Some of you may have already figured out where I am going with this - if you can devote every fibre of your being to hiding something from the world, and still live your life acting as if nothing is happening then you are ultimately demonstrating your capacity to hide and to deceive.
I was never a fan of the idea that you "have to come out" but the more I think about it, unless you do it while you are young, and therefore demonstrate that the weight of hiding such a thing was too much for you to bear, you risk the countenance of mistrust. If you meet someone who is Gay and in the closet and much older, then the apparent conclusion you can draw is that they have spent the better part of their life hiding something from the world, and doing it pretty well if they are still in the closet and no-one knows. That throws open the question, can you trust a partner that you knowingly accept has the ability to hide something so intimate?
If you discovered your sexuality when you were 15 and you are now 45 and still in the closet, with the people who are closest to you having no idea, having spent 30 years hiding who you are not just from the world but from the ones you love and the ones who love you - regardless of motivation and intent, can you see how your honesty and integrity could be questioned?
I had a thought today about trust, more specifically I had a question, can you trust a gay man? The immediate first reaction to this question for me was why should gay men be considered any different and that led me to consider something. Most gay men will spend a part of their lives in the closet. For many this enclosure is self imposed out of the fear of how others might react to knowing they are gay. Fear is a powerful motivation. People will do incredible things when they are afraid and go to extraordinary lengths. However, to be in the closet, at it's most fundamental definition is to actively hide something. While many people post-coming out will say in hindsight that what they were hiding was not such a big deal after all, in the moment however that one aspect of who you are can be the most monumental truth, an Earth-shattering statement that you fear being known for the destructive power that it seemingly holds.
What has all this got to do with trust? Some of you may have already figured out where I am going with this - if you can devote every fibre of your being to hiding something from the world, and still live your life acting as if nothing is happening then you are ultimately demonstrating your capacity to hide and to deceive.
I was never a fan of the idea that you "have to come out" but the more I think about it, unless you do it while you are young, and therefore demonstrate that the weight of hiding such a thing was too much for you to bear, you risk the countenance of mistrust. If you meet someone who is Gay and in the closet and much older, then the apparent conclusion you can draw is that they have spent the better part of their life hiding something from the world, and doing it pretty well if they are still in the closet and no-one knows. That throws open the question, can you trust a partner that you knowingly accept has the ability to hide something so intimate?
If you discovered your sexuality when you were 15 and you are now 45 and still in the closet, with the people who are closest to you having no idea, having spent 30 years hiding who you are not just from the world but from the ones you love and the ones who love you - regardless of motivation and intent, can you see how your honesty and integrity could be questioned?
I have loved, and been loved
There are people in my life who I love, and there are people in my life who love me. The two don't always correlate. There are also people who are no longer in my life for various reasons, some I lost figuratively and some I lost literally. They vary in terms of the type of love, platonic vs romantic etc.
The one thing that remains constant however is that those people I came to love, I have never stopped loving. Even now years later, and in some cases decades.
There were some who hurt me, so badly, who cut so deeply I could never forgive them. They will never be allowed into my life again and the pain they caused and the scars they inflicted will never fully heal because despite the pain they caused I can't stop loving them. I have enough self respect to walk away and stay away.
There were some with whom I parted ways as our paths led in different directions. Some partings were bitter-sweet and others were just plain bitter - these people I don't rule out the possibility of them entering my life again in the future but it would need to be for a very good reason.
Then there are the amicable few, with whom I parted ways on good terms. These are often the people I miss the most, because we parted ways with no real reason other than simply drifting apart.
There is an argument that some will raise, that if you truly loved someone you would do whatever you could to keep them in your life. To them I would simply retort "if you truly love something, set it free, if it was meant to be it will come back to you"; the sad truth is that they don't always come back, but that doesn't change how you felt about them. In many cases my love was unrequited - some platonic and some romantic. I won't try and keep people in my life who do not want me in theirs, no matter what I feel for them.
All this I know yet it brings back one thing that others often find difficult to understand. Although I will always love, I am not "in love" with these people - even those who are still in my life who I would not want to leave it. For many of these people my endearment comes from the support they have given me and the bonds we have formed. Some have helped me through some quite dark times in my life and while I look forward to the day when I fall in love with someone who can accept all this, they must accept that my feelings will never change, but they hold no danger, no risk, no threat to my love I would show them. For all of these people, I could never be with any of them, and they know that. I am quite adamant about that, I do not like to live my life in circles. For those that were romantic they had their chance and that has now passed - they'll never be anything more than close friends.
This may seem like a random post throwing together a myriad of emotions, but the truth, as is so often the case with anything I write here, is that there is a story untold that lies behind these words. It's actually quite ironic that despite the openness, the heart on my sleeve, and the soul bearing you may read on here, there is so much more unsaid. I used to think if I wrote an autobiography I would call it "The Boy Who Cried Love" but as I have grown and come to understand myself more and more I think a more apt title would be "The Other Half of The Story"
The one thing that remains constant however is that those people I came to love, I have never stopped loving. Even now years later, and in some cases decades.
There were some who hurt me, so badly, who cut so deeply I could never forgive them. They will never be allowed into my life again and the pain they caused and the scars they inflicted will never fully heal because despite the pain they caused I can't stop loving them. I have enough self respect to walk away and stay away.
There were some with whom I parted ways as our paths led in different directions. Some partings were bitter-sweet and others were just plain bitter - these people I don't rule out the possibility of them entering my life again in the future but it would need to be for a very good reason.
Then there are the amicable few, with whom I parted ways on good terms. These are often the people I miss the most, because we parted ways with no real reason other than simply drifting apart.
There is an argument that some will raise, that if you truly loved someone you would do whatever you could to keep them in your life. To them I would simply retort "if you truly love something, set it free, if it was meant to be it will come back to you"; the sad truth is that they don't always come back, but that doesn't change how you felt about them. In many cases my love was unrequited - some platonic and some romantic. I won't try and keep people in my life who do not want me in theirs, no matter what I feel for them.
All this I know yet it brings back one thing that others often find difficult to understand. Although I will always love, I am not "in love" with these people - even those who are still in my life who I would not want to leave it. For many of these people my endearment comes from the support they have given me and the bonds we have formed. Some have helped me through some quite dark times in my life and while I look forward to the day when I fall in love with someone who can accept all this, they must accept that my feelings will never change, but they hold no danger, no risk, no threat to my love I would show them. For all of these people, I could never be with any of them, and they know that. I am quite adamant about that, I do not like to live my life in circles. For those that were romantic they had their chance and that has now passed - they'll never be anything more than close friends.
This may seem like a random post throwing together a myriad of emotions, but the truth, as is so often the case with anything I write here, is that there is a story untold that lies behind these words. It's actually quite ironic that despite the openness, the heart on my sleeve, and the soul bearing you may read on here, there is so much more unsaid. I used to think if I wrote an autobiography I would call it "The Boy Who Cried Love" but as I have grown and come to understand myself more and more I think a more apt title would be "The Other Half of The Story"
Riddle me this :: 1
It takes two people to give me, but I can only be given to someone who has never had me before.
I am something you can take, but you can never give back once taken or lost.
I do not last forever.
I am both the most resilient and the most fragile thing in the world.
I am found throughout the world.
What am I?
I am something you can take, but you can never give back once taken or lost.
I do not last forever.
I am both the most resilient and the most fragile thing in the world.
I am found throughout the world.
What am I?
Lost
A lot has been said over the years about fate and destiny; even I have shared my feelings on this and through it all while many disagree about issues of free will and predetermination, the one thing most people can seem to agree on is that life is about finding out what you're meant to do with it.
In many ways life is a puzzle handed to a child which they do not know anything about who is then asked to figure it out. In the same way as the literal sense where a child is often given such things to stave off boredom or to occupy it's time, you can argue that this is all that life is to us. Whether you believe in a God and believe they bestowed this gift upon us, or whether you have no belief in any deity and believe that life simply arose from circumstance, you can still agree that no-one is born with an innate understanding of their purpose of being.
Life is a puzzle. It's a puzzle I can't figure out and I am lost. I know I am not alone however. I know some people have mastered the 3 D's - determination, drive and direction - but I know many more who, like me, don't know where their life is headed. Without having direction it's hard to pursue anything with determination and drive.
Whether you are 14 or 42 one thing also rings true - no-one can tell you what to do with your life. Others can try and control it and in some cases they do that all too well, but under the skin, flowing through your beating heart, there remains to be an all-present, all-aware sensation of knowing whether something is right or wrong for you. Incidents and circumstance allow us to hide these feelings and cover them up; some people are very good at burying these feelings deep inside, but that increases pressure and in time when the pot runneth over you eventually melt down. If you deny who you are for long enough, these feelings will envelope your soul until you can take it no more.
There are many ways to live your life. Embracing who you are is a big part of finding happiness and being content. For some groups there is a tradition of repressing this which later leads to mid-life cirses in which they have a breakdown and come out the other side as the person they were meant to be - others don't make it out intact and instead emerge as a shell of their former selves and find themselves in a depth of darkness or vast emptiness where they live only for the sake of living.
There's a lot to be said about the acceleration of our lives that our society is embracing more and more; the concept of a quarter-life crisis for example is something that has only existed within the last few decades. You can make of that what you will but the point I want to address is that these crises all share the same thing regardless of where or when they actually happen, and that is, the shattering of the shell that we have built around ourselves.
Life is about finding your way and when you can't, and you find yourself lost, it's very hard to shake the feeling that you are a failure. Not a failure at anything specifically but simply a failure at life.
This is how I feel right now because I don't know where I am anymore and I don't know where to go. I am lost.
In many ways life is a puzzle handed to a child which they do not know anything about who is then asked to figure it out. In the same way as the literal sense where a child is often given such things to stave off boredom or to occupy it's time, you can argue that this is all that life is to us. Whether you believe in a God and believe they bestowed this gift upon us, or whether you have no belief in any deity and believe that life simply arose from circumstance, you can still agree that no-one is born with an innate understanding of their purpose of being.
Life is a puzzle. It's a puzzle I can't figure out and I am lost. I know I am not alone however. I know some people have mastered the 3 D's - determination, drive and direction - but I know many more who, like me, don't know where their life is headed. Without having direction it's hard to pursue anything with determination and drive.
Whether you are 14 or 42 one thing also rings true - no-one can tell you what to do with your life. Others can try and control it and in some cases they do that all too well, but under the skin, flowing through your beating heart, there remains to be an all-present, all-aware sensation of knowing whether something is right or wrong for you. Incidents and circumstance allow us to hide these feelings and cover them up; some people are very good at burying these feelings deep inside, but that increases pressure and in time when the pot runneth over you eventually melt down. If you deny who you are for long enough, these feelings will envelope your soul until you can take it no more.
There are many ways to live your life. Embracing who you are is a big part of finding happiness and being content. For some groups there is a tradition of repressing this which later leads to mid-life cirses in which they have a breakdown and come out the other side as the person they were meant to be - others don't make it out intact and instead emerge as a shell of their former selves and find themselves in a depth of darkness or vast emptiness where they live only for the sake of living.
There's a lot to be said about the acceleration of our lives that our society is embracing more and more; the concept of a quarter-life crisis for example is something that has only existed within the last few decades. You can make of that what you will but the point I want to address is that these crises all share the same thing regardless of where or when they actually happen, and that is, the shattering of the shell that we have built around ourselves.
Life is about finding your way and when you can't, and you find yourself lost, it's very hard to shake the feeling that you are a failure. Not a failure at anything specifically but simply a failure at life.
This is how I feel right now because I don't know where I am anymore and I don't know where to go. I am lost.
Bound Again
I spend my life in dream awake
And think of paths I did not take
Of lives unlived and truths untold
In place of tears and hearts run cold
On earth by day and in heaven by night
In deepest darkness and holy light
My soul is bound and wrapped in chains
Until once again freed by love's eternal flames
And think of paths I did not take
Of lives unlived and truths untold
In place of tears and hearts run cold
On earth by day and in heaven by night
In deepest darkness and holy light
My soul is bound and wrapped in chains
Until once again freed by love's eternal flames
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