This list started with Gwen Stefani and 'Love Angel Music Baby' an album that ranks high in my music library. I thought it would only be fitting to end this list where it began with another album by Gwen Stefani, this time 'This Is What the Truth Feels Like' which was released in 2016. This album didn't do as well as LAMB but I think that it deserves much more love than it received.
The quasi title track 'Truth' talks about being honest about your feelings and the liberation that is felt when you do. The lyrics to the chorus "So this is what the truth feels like, This is more of what I had in mind, Yeah, this is what the truth feels like, And I'm feeling it, I'm feeling it, Something about this just feels so right, alright?" talks about that moment of revelation and liberation. The song itself is a narrative composition telling the story of a lover that admits their desire for something more, to commit to a life together rather than just taking it one day at a time.
This doesn't always end well, moving too fast too soon can make everything fall apart, this is something I have experience of which is why the track 'Used To Love You' speaks so much. The lyrics "I don't know why I cry, But I think it's cause I remembered for the first time, Since I hated you, That I used to love you" talks about the resentment and hatred you can feel for how things ended, the tempest that rages eventually gives way to clear skies and with that clarity you look back and feel emotion you allow yourself to feel for the first time once more that the reason you were so upset about it ending was because what you felt was real, that is the true moment of realisation of loss and the path to grieving and acceptance.
There are tracks on this album that feel as though they belonged on other albums released by Gwen, none exemplifies this feeling more than 'Naughty' which feels like it should have been part of 'The Sweet Escape' released in 2006 with its parallels to vibes of '4 In The Morning' and 'Yummy' from that album.
I'd like to close off this list talking about one last track from this album. 'Rare' is a track that talks about recognising in others the qualities and the personality traits that are a rarity in the world. I mentioned before in this series of posts that I have been lucky enough to meet some incredible people with one in particular in my mind this song articulates the sentiment I hold in my heart, "I am broken, I am insecure, Complicated, oh yeah, that's for sure, I feel worthless, I've been hurt so bad, I get nervous you won't love me back" these feelings don't surface as much as they used to thankfully, but in those moments of darkness, these words describe that feeling that takes hold, when you think of all those who love and care about you and you begin to doubt yourself so much that you doubt your perceptions and convince yourself that nothing is real, you convince yourself in those moments that you are worthless and nobody could ever truly love you. Like I said these feelings don't surface as much in my life now thankfully.
This series of posts took a lot of effort to write but I enjoyed the journey that they took me through. I set out to create a series of posts that would give a much deeper insight into my life and my mind and tell you more about my life story than the regular posts on this blog convey. I think this series has managed to achieve that objective and maybe even in some cases it went beyond it and shared too much but every word was true and represents a reflection of who and what I am and how I got here.
We all live lives that take us through a maelstrom of emotions and a labyrinth of thoughts. We need perspective in life and context to keep ourselves grounded, to be able to see beyond the here and now and know that times of trouble will pass and we will survive and that we will feel happiness again. Focusing on that journey is what will keep you alive, as long as you keep moving along that path and remember to live then you will survive. The night always gives way to day in the end, even in Tromsø the sun will rise again.
Facing The Future
In philosophy and mythology there are two concepts that are often considered to be synonymous - fate, and destiny both of which relate to the nature of choice. There is a subtle difference between the two, destiny deals with the concept of a final destination, or a final state that you are fated to achieve, but crucially destiny can be rejected, even if embraced it is not something that is guaranteed to happen but rather it represents an expectation that may not be met.
Fate on the other hand deals more with the concept of choices made along the way and the idea that free will is ultimately an illusion. Fate takes the idea that there are set points in your life's journey that you will pass through no matter what choices you make those moments still come to pass. Fate can best be depicted through the Greek legend of Cassandra, who was cursed with foresight able to see what would come to pass but ultimately she learns that her choices do not matter, whether she intervenes or abstains the same outcome persists regardless.
Music Monday #51: Rainbow by Kesha
Returning one last time to Kesha, the last album of hers I want to include on this list is 'Rainbow' released in 2017 this album goes with the same disclaimer as before, I don't advocate buying it because of the business links that still exist attached to it. Beyond the politics however the fact that Kesha wrote or co-wrote every track bar 2 means the message and meaning of each track can be taken at face value. Given all she went through, as an artist you express yourself through your art, so that's the best place to start to gain an insight into their psyche and the fact the very first track on the album is called 'Bastards' I think sums up pointedly how Kesha felt.
The first single released from this album was 'Praying' which opens with the lyrics "Well, you almost had me fooled, Told me that I was nothing without you, Oh, but after everything you've done, I can thank you for how strong I have become" these are referencing all she has been through, how fucked up the whole journey has been but by virtue of the fact she is still alive and now stronger than ever she's basically saying "Fuck you" and trying to move on. The lyrics continue "’Cause you brought the flames and you put me through hell, I had to learn how to fight for myself, And we both know all the truth I could tell, I'll just say this is I wish you farewell" these lyrics speak of the baptism of fire that anoints true warriors, those that aren't consumed by the flames emerge from them reborn. Praying is about refusing to be a victim, it is about empowerment, and about recognising how pitiful those people are who have to resort to the oppression of others to get what they want.
My favourite track on this album continues this narrative in 'Learn To Let Go' which opens with "Been a prisoner of the past, Had a bitterness when I looked back, Was telling everyone it's not that bad, ’Til all my shit hit the fan" which speaks about the prison like mentality that we adapt when we give power to the events in our past, binding ourselves to the past refusing to see the reality that we live in the present, we have a future, and it's up to us where we go from here. The lyrics continue with the message "I know I'm always like, Telling everybody you don't gotta be a victim, Life ain’t always fair, but hell is living in resentment, Choose redemption, your happy ending's up to you" a verse about accepting you are in control of your fate and you can move on, this verse speaks to the personal growth Kesha has achieved as she moves on with her life. The chorus is the most emphatic part of this whole song "I think it's time to practice what I preach, Exorcise the demons inside me, Whoa, gotta learn to let it go, The past can't haunt me if I don't let it, Live and learn and never forget it, Whoa, gotta learn to let it go" which speaks to the truth that in life we often know the answer and know what we should do because when other people present their problems to us we offer advice to them but that advice is rarely advice we take ourselves when we find ourselves in those situations. This chorus is about recognising this wisdom that already exists within ourselves and applying it to our own lives as we would call on others to do.
Kesha's journey shares many parallels with my own and as I have touched on before I believe each of her albums can be taken in the context of the period of time in her life that they reflect. Kesha was 30 at the time of Rainbow's release, the album recounts her 20s and looks back on her life with a new perspective and a new maturity. Rainbow was the first album where Kesha dropped the Ke$ha moniker a decision she said she came to during her time in rehab. The motivation behind the change was the desire to be truer to herself which throws into question how strongly she held the beliefs her music embodied earlier in her career. Personally I choose to believe that her voice was true, in defence of a belief I have lived my life by, I have very few regrets in life because everything I did was done because of choices that I believed at the time were right, and that I made knowing only what I knew then. I don't think it is fair to judge your past self by the knowledge you have now and by the experience you have now because if you had either of those back then you probably would have made different choices.
I don't regret much in my life because I am who I am because of the journey that got me here and if I could give Kesha one piece of advice the same goes to everyone reading this it would simply be, to make peace with yourself and accept yourself you have to accept yourself not just as who you are here in this moment but who you were, and who you will become even if those versions of you may seem alien to you in this moment. If I put myself in a room with myself from 10 years ago and myself from 10 years from now, I can guarantee within minutes there would be heated arguments about anything and everything you can think of, we grow as people and we evolve, we're always changing and that's okay. You don't need to justify who you are to anyone, you are who you are, or in your own words, "We R Who We R" - that song you wrote for us in the LGBT community, find strength in your own words were others have.
The first single released from this album was 'Praying' which opens with the lyrics "Well, you almost had me fooled, Told me that I was nothing without you, Oh, but after everything you've done, I can thank you for how strong I have become" these are referencing all she has been through, how fucked up the whole journey has been but by virtue of the fact she is still alive and now stronger than ever she's basically saying "Fuck you" and trying to move on. The lyrics continue "’Cause you brought the flames and you put me through hell, I had to learn how to fight for myself, And we both know all the truth I could tell, I'll just say this is I wish you farewell" these lyrics speak of the baptism of fire that anoints true warriors, those that aren't consumed by the flames emerge from them reborn. Praying is about refusing to be a victim, it is about empowerment, and about recognising how pitiful those people are who have to resort to the oppression of others to get what they want.
My favourite track on this album continues this narrative in 'Learn To Let Go' which opens with "Been a prisoner of the past, Had a bitterness when I looked back, Was telling everyone it's not that bad, ’Til all my shit hit the fan" which speaks about the prison like mentality that we adapt when we give power to the events in our past, binding ourselves to the past refusing to see the reality that we live in the present, we have a future, and it's up to us where we go from here. The lyrics continue with the message "I know I'm always like, Telling everybody you don't gotta be a victim, Life ain’t always fair, but hell is living in resentment, Choose redemption, your happy ending's up to you" a verse about accepting you are in control of your fate and you can move on, this verse speaks to the personal growth Kesha has achieved as she moves on with her life. The chorus is the most emphatic part of this whole song "I think it's time to practice what I preach, Exorcise the demons inside me, Whoa, gotta learn to let it go, The past can't haunt me if I don't let it, Live and learn and never forget it, Whoa, gotta learn to let it go" which speaks to the truth that in life we often know the answer and know what we should do because when other people present their problems to us we offer advice to them but that advice is rarely advice we take ourselves when we find ourselves in those situations. This chorus is about recognising this wisdom that already exists within ourselves and applying it to our own lives as we would call on others to do.
Kesha's journey shares many parallels with my own and as I have touched on before I believe each of her albums can be taken in the context of the period of time in her life that they reflect. Kesha was 30 at the time of Rainbow's release, the album recounts her 20s and looks back on her life with a new perspective and a new maturity. Rainbow was the first album where Kesha dropped the Ke$ha moniker a decision she said she came to during her time in rehab. The motivation behind the change was the desire to be truer to herself which throws into question how strongly she held the beliefs her music embodied earlier in her career. Personally I choose to believe that her voice was true, in defence of a belief I have lived my life by, I have very few regrets in life because everything I did was done because of choices that I believed at the time were right, and that I made knowing only what I knew then. I don't think it is fair to judge your past self by the knowledge you have now and by the experience you have now because if you had either of those back then you probably would have made different choices.
I don't regret much in my life because I am who I am because of the journey that got me here and if I could give Kesha one piece of advice the same goes to everyone reading this it would simply be, to make peace with yourself and accept yourself you have to accept yourself not just as who you are here in this moment but who you were, and who you will become even if those versions of you may seem alien to you in this moment. If I put myself in a room with myself from 10 years ago and myself from 10 years from now, I can guarantee within minutes there would be heated arguments about anything and everything you can think of, we grow as people and we evolve, we're always changing and that's okay. You don't need to justify who you are to anyone, you are who you are, or in your own words, "We R Who We R" - that song you wrote for us in the LGBT community, find strength in your own words were others have.
How do you find inspiration?
Inspiration plays a big part in the life or a writer in two main ways. The first is when inspiration kindles the desire to write, and the second is when it gives the writer focus on what to write about. Finding inspiration on demand is not an easy feat, but you can improve your chances of achieving this goal. For most people this will require a journey of self discovery to find what motivates you, where your desires lie, and ultimately the revelation of the true reason why you want to write in the first place. You will know you have reached the end of this journey when you know yourself and you can answer the questions, what are your fears, your hopes, what makes you smile, laugh, and cry; when you can answer these questions, with answers that are truly honest, not flippant, but answers that make you uncomfortable, make you feel vulnerable, that alter your mood, then you will be ready.
Music Monday #50: Born Naked by RuPaul
With a music career that spans 4 decades and 12 albums at the time of writing, RuPaul has been around the block more times than I can count. As the world's most famous drag queen, throughout his career RuPaul both in and out of Drag has experimented, never afraid to try new things this is reflected in his discography. Released in 2014 'Born Naked' was an album that saw Ru depart from his comfort zone and venture into electronic music incorporating gospel music featuring soul singer Clairy Browne, and bounce music featuring Big Freedia this album was by definition experimented for Ru. To date his best selling album the tracks are positive, upbeat, and uplifting.
The title track 'Born Naked' inspired by one of his catchphrases from RuPaul's Drag Race "We're all born naked and the rest is drag" the lyrics reflect this belief and create a narrative about self discovery and self acceptance. The lyrics put this question direct to the listener "Who? Who do you think you are? Who do you think you are? I'm tellin' the truth now, We're all born naked and the rest is drag" the message here is that everything you are is a costume, a drag, you are what you make of yourself and who you choose to be, people will try and tell you who you are but they don't get to decide the answer to that question you do. You can be whoever you want to be, play whatever role you want to play in this life, the opening verse epitomises this belief "Who you waitin' for? Another savior, Always lookin' but you never find, never find, Wakin' up from another night gone, Always lookin' but you never find, never find" these words are telling you that if you forever wait for someone to save you then you'll never find them because we have to save ourselves in life.
Despite this powerful message that I wanted to open with, this wasn't the first track I fell in love with on this album, that was 'Fly Tonight' a duet with Frankmusik for the lyrics "Daydreams not enough for us, We can't hide behind this feeling, Losers find a place for love, Up above the clouds" which is about letting go of the world in the physical sense and elevating your consciousness to a level above dreams, this touches on something that is conflated a lot with Electronic Dance Music and that is the search for an elevated conscious. For most people that means drugs, because they see them as a shortcut to that state of mind, this more than anything is why they are associated so heavily with EDM in general. There are ways to achieve that state of mind without the use of drugs but they require a lot of effort which most people aren't willing to put in. Fly Tonight is about achieving that state of mind, something that I can do without drugs but I know that comes from decades of exposure to EDM and a deeper understanding of myself and my body. When I talk about trance music in particular being literally a genre of music intended to induce a trance, this is what I mean.
The other track from this album that instantly resonated with me was 'Dance With U' which again talks about letting go, this time to get lost in music itself and go with the rhythm, to dance and forget about the world. The lyrics read "Turn the lights down now, Turn the music loud, I wanna dance, Lights down now, Turn the music loud, I wanna dance" this epitomises my relationship with music, but it also epitomises my relationship with sex, for a time sex was an escape for me from reality because in that moment when you devote your entire consciousness to one another you forget about the world and you get to experience euphoria and ecstasy wrapped up in desire and pure self expression.
I like this whole album from start to finish but there's one more track I want to pay particular attention to and that is 'Let The Music Play' a duet between RuPaul and his closest friend Michelle Visage. The track tells the story of a friendship that was meant to be from the start, but life gets in the way and tears it apart but in the end life brings them back together again and it grows stronger than ever before. This is something that strikes a chord with me because there have been people in my life that I have been close to, people who were part of my life when I needed them most, people who for one reason or another we parted ways. With more than a few of these people I would like them back in my life but that's not always possible, sometimes the things that split you apart are things you just can't forget.
The lyrics are something that I long for rather than something I have experienced first-hand. The lyrics before the chorus read "But it wasn't for long, cause our love was never broken, Everything that went wrong, went right out into the open, All the words to our song sound like, sounded like a duet, Like a duet, sounded like a duet, sounded like a duet" this speaks of the feeling that I share, of still holding love for the people you lost, that much was never lost. The idea that you feel as though something is missing because they should have been there is reflected in the lyrics "There are things I learned (There were things I tried), But we still got burned (When the music died), An empty place, never felt like home, (No one by my side, I was out there on my own)" tells a story in parallel of two people living their lives separately who feel the same way despite that separation.
Conflict isn't always easy to resolve, it can be harder still when those of us who shy away from it pre-empt that conflict and bow out of the fight before it ever gets a chance to surface. This desire to leave on a high before things are ruined forever has led me to walk away from some people in my life because resolution was something that I could never see as a possibility, sometimes that came out of recognition of how stubborn we both were and the belief that this would cause a stand off, but sometimes it came out of recognition that some thoughts and feelings can't be helped and can't be changed, my journey through Cognitive Behavioural Therapy taught me this, when thoughts are always preceded by emotion they are hardest to control because you can't inherently control emotions, they control you.
Born Naked as an album and a concept is accepting yourself for who you are, the naked self and realising that is what you have to work with in life, recognising what is and is not part of you allows you to realise what you are truly capable of achieving.
The title track 'Born Naked' inspired by one of his catchphrases from RuPaul's Drag Race "We're all born naked and the rest is drag" the lyrics reflect this belief and create a narrative about self discovery and self acceptance. The lyrics put this question direct to the listener "Who? Who do you think you are? Who do you think you are? I'm tellin' the truth now, We're all born naked and the rest is drag" the message here is that everything you are is a costume, a drag, you are what you make of yourself and who you choose to be, people will try and tell you who you are but they don't get to decide the answer to that question you do. You can be whoever you want to be, play whatever role you want to play in this life, the opening verse epitomises this belief "Who you waitin' for? Another savior, Always lookin' but you never find, never find, Wakin' up from another night gone, Always lookin' but you never find, never find" these words are telling you that if you forever wait for someone to save you then you'll never find them because we have to save ourselves in life.
Despite this powerful message that I wanted to open with, this wasn't the first track I fell in love with on this album, that was 'Fly Tonight' a duet with Frankmusik for the lyrics "Daydreams not enough for us, We can't hide behind this feeling, Losers find a place for love, Up above the clouds" which is about letting go of the world in the physical sense and elevating your consciousness to a level above dreams, this touches on something that is conflated a lot with Electronic Dance Music and that is the search for an elevated conscious. For most people that means drugs, because they see them as a shortcut to that state of mind, this more than anything is why they are associated so heavily with EDM in general. There are ways to achieve that state of mind without the use of drugs but they require a lot of effort which most people aren't willing to put in. Fly Tonight is about achieving that state of mind, something that I can do without drugs but I know that comes from decades of exposure to EDM and a deeper understanding of myself and my body. When I talk about trance music in particular being literally a genre of music intended to induce a trance, this is what I mean.
The other track from this album that instantly resonated with me was 'Dance With U' which again talks about letting go, this time to get lost in music itself and go with the rhythm, to dance and forget about the world. The lyrics read "Turn the lights down now, Turn the music loud, I wanna dance, Lights down now, Turn the music loud, I wanna dance" this epitomises my relationship with music, but it also epitomises my relationship with sex, for a time sex was an escape for me from reality because in that moment when you devote your entire consciousness to one another you forget about the world and you get to experience euphoria and ecstasy wrapped up in desire and pure self expression.
I like this whole album from start to finish but there's one more track I want to pay particular attention to and that is 'Let The Music Play' a duet between RuPaul and his closest friend Michelle Visage. The track tells the story of a friendship that was meant to be from the start, but life gets in the way and tears it apart but in the end life brings them back together again and it grows stronger than ever before. This is something that strikes a chord with me because there have been people in my life that I have been close to, people who were part of my life when I needed them most, people who for one reason or another we parted ways. With more than a few of these people I would like them back in my life but that's not always possible, sometimes the things that split you apart are things you just can't forget.
The lyrics are something that I long for rather than something I have experienced first-hand. The lyrics before the chorus read "But it wasn't for long, cause our love was never broken, Everything that went wrong, went right out into the open, All the words to our song sound like, sounded like a duet, Like a duet, sounded like a duet, sounded like a duet" this speaks of the feeling that I share, of still holding love for the people you lost, that much was never lost. The idea that you feel as though something is missing because they should have been there is reflected in the lyrics "There are things I learned (There were things I tried), But we still got burned (When the music died), An empty place, never felt like home, (No one by my side, I was out there on my own)" tells a story in parallel of two people living their lives separately who feel the same way despite that separation.
Conflict isn't always easy to resolve, it can be harder still when those of us who shy away from it pre-empt that conflict and bow out of the fight before it ever gets a chance to surface. This desire to leave on a high before things are ruined forever has led me to walk away from some people in my life because resolution was something that I could never see as a possibility, sometimes that came out of recognition of how stubborn we both were and the belief that this would cause a stand off, but sometimes it came out of recognition that some thoughts and feelings can't be helped and can't be changed, my journey through Cognitive Behavioural Therapy taught me this, when thoughts are always preceded by emotion they are hardest to control because you can't inherently control emotions, they control you.
Born Naked as an album and a concept is accepting yourself for who you are, the naked self and realising that is what you have to work with in life, recognising what is and is not part of you allows you to realise what you are truly capable of achieving.
How do you make your writing more credible?
Credibility can be defined in a number of ways when we speak of narrative fiction. The definition relative to this post is the extent to which your fiction could potentially become fact, or to put it another way, whether your reader can read your writing and believe that could actually happen.
If you only ever write from experience, and write what you already as a result of that experience, the scope of your writing will be very narrow. In time the same story-lines will manifest and the same basic plot will unfold with minor variations. At some point it becomes a necessity to expand your horizons and venture into topics that you have never directly experienced for yourself. When this happens the credibility of your writing will depend almost entirely upon the extent to which you were able to expose yourself to those experiences.
Music Monday #49: Whitney: The Greatest Hits
I love many singers, I love the works of art they have created, I get a lot of enjoyment out of them, and I can see merit in their creations. I connect with different singers for different reasons, some of those singers are well known and others are obscure. When it comes to picking an artist that could live up to the moniker of greatest artist of all time however there are only a handful of artists I would say are contenders for that title. Without a doubt that crown could quite easily go to the late, great, Whitney Houston. Her music career spanned 6 decades, throughout which she released hit after hit. Picking just one album from that time would be incredibly difficult so once again I've gone for the easy option and chosen a compilation album, specifically 'Whitney: The Greatest Hits' released in 2000 although it misses out on the 12 years of her career that followed its release, it still covers most of what I want to talk about.
I have a lot of issues, something which I have made no secret of on this blog, throughout my life I have been on a journey to self acceptance that still hasn't found its end. This journey is perhaps best epitomised by 'Greatest Love Of All' originally released as 'The Greatest Love Of All' in 1977 by George Benson it was 1985 that saw Whitney record and release her version. I regard Whitney's version as the definitive version, something which will happen again before the end of this post [Shhh spoilers] where her version surpassed the original. The lyrics to the song resonate with me, "Because the greatest love of all, Is happening to me, I found the greatest love of all, Inside of me, The greatest love of all, Is easy to achieve, Learning to love yourself, It is the greatest love of all" this sentiment, this message, and this belief are three things that I felt, heard, but did not accept for the longest time in my life. I would be lying if I said I completely accepted this belief now in my life, I am still growing and I have further to walk before that belief is felt within me, but the lyrics remain an aspiration to me.
Sticking with 1985, originally released in the same year was the track 'How Will I Know' which is an anthem of my life, not least of all because I have been in that position so many times much more than I care to admit, those I have touched on in previous posts are the tip of the iceberg. The lyrics, "There's a boy I know, he's the one I dream of, Looks into my eyes, takes me to the clouds above, Ooh I lose control, can't seem to get enough, When I wake from dreaming, tell me is it really love?" this perfectly reflects this mentality but the lyrics go on with the chorus "How will I know if he really loves me? I say a prayer with every heart beat, I fall in love whenever we meet" speaks volumes of the potency of love and how infatuation clouds your mind and that flood of emotions that overwhelms all logic and reason leaves you dazed and confused. These lyrics stemming from a song released early in Whitney's career reflect young love for me, from the time of innocence when you still don't really know what love is, when you can't tell if it's real.
And now we reach the moment I have alluded to in previous posts, Hex Hector features one last time on this list contributing a remix to the second disc of the album, 'I Will Always Love You' this song in its original incarnation is powerful, moving, but quite melancholy and given this version exists I wanted to feature it instead as it remains one of my favourite remixes of any artist and one of the best remixes that Hex Hector produced. 'I Will Always Love You' was originally written and recorded in 1973 by Dolly Parton and released in 1974 as part of her 'Jolene' album. Dolly didn't feature on this list, which might come as a surprise to most people but I only own a few tracks by her from her career, I don't own a complete Dolly Parton album, which again I know will come as a surprise to some people but I never really connected with Dolly's music the way I did with other artists. I will revisit her music in time to see if that has changed but beyond a few tracks over the years I wasn't an ardent fan. Even though Whitney's version of this track was not the original it remains the definitive version of this song for me, and many others. Released in 1992 as part of the soundtrack to 'The Bodyguard' - the best selling soundtrack of all time as Michelle Visage likes to remind us since she was in SOUL SYSTEM which features on the album as track 9 'It's Gonna Be a Lovely Day' he fact remains this moment of eclipse where a cover surpasses the original happens quite often in the music industry, and while I often defend the originals and hold them in higher regard, this is one case where there's no argument to be made, Whitney did it better.
The entire second disc of this album is perfection from start to finish I wouldn't change a thing about it, as for the first I have a few points of contention there are tracks I would swap but we will stick to the positives for now. The Thunderpuss remix of 'It's Not Right But It's Okay' stands out for me as another incredible remix, heavily incorporating EDM influences it takes a song that was already powerful and ramped it up even further. This track speaks to me in volumes for the lyrics "It's not right, But it's okay, I'm gonna make it anyway, Close the door behind you, Leave your key, I'd rather be alone than unhappy" this more than anything for that final line which I hold in great esteem, I'd rather be alone than unhappy, this is something I have already mentioned a few times in this list but it bears repeating, there's a distinction between being alone and being lonely, the latter is the longing for a connection, the former is a state of being which with time and patience and discipline you can learn to embrace. A lot of love songs like to borrow the metaphor of being one half of a whole and needing another to complete that whole, but the truth is self love can make you whole, something which most people never take the time to pursue. You don't need someone to complete you, compliment you perhaps but the idea that you need to be completed devalues your self worth. You are worth more than you give yourself credit for and I think these themes and the internal conflict that arises from these conflicting motives features quite a lot in Whitney's music and that's one of the reasons I love her because her music was always relatable.
'I Wanna Dance With Somebody', 'So Emotional', and 'My Love Is Your Love' all get a mention here because they speak to insecurities, and the domination of our thoughts by our emotions. From the first disc once more, 'One Moment In Time', 'Run To You', and 'Where Do Broken Hearts Go' get a mention here for articulating thoughts at times in my life when I couldn't find the words myself. There are however two tracks in particular I want to focus on, the first is 'Same Script Different Cast' a track that speaks of the frustration and the anger we feel when we see history repeat and we see others go through the same thing we went through. In those moments it can be tempting to confront those people and impart the wisdom we acquired, but wisdom is experience plus knowledge, and no matter how valuable that knowledge can be, without the experience the other person won't receive it.
The last song I want to touch on is a duet Whitney did with Enrique Iglesias who is hot as fuck, someone I have had a crush on ever since I laid eyes on him, he's quite literally part of the reason I knew I was gay. The track is called 'Could I Have This Kiss Forever' the lyrics of the second chorus "Could I hold you for a lifetime? Could I look into your eyes? Could I have this night to share this night together? (Un beso para siempre, para siempre)" made me feel happier than words can describe. I adore Enrique and I adore Whitney and when the two were combined it was almost too much to handle. Enrique is yet another driving force behind my desire to learn Spanish when I first set out to study the language. This track with its lyrics reflects the desire when you finally fall for someone to fall into their arms and kiss them and never let go.
When Whitney Houston died in 2012 she was one of the first celebrity deaths that I felt more than just sympathy for passing and felt a genuine sense of grief and loss. That feeling was something I didn't understand at the time, I didn't understand how you could be so attached to someone who you had never met, and feel so emotional about their passing, four years later when 2016 rolled around that feeling would intensify in a year when so many big names were lost, people who had been part of popular culture for as long as I could remember and I realised the reason we feel loss for people we have never met is because we project onto them a part of ourselves when we form that emotional connection and when they die we lose that part of ourselves for a time this is why we mourn. With time however we learn to remember them for who they were in life, and Whitney's music took on new meaning for me when this feeling finally took hold. I still listen to it now and I always will because it keeps the memory of her alive, all that she achieved and all that she meant to me and everyone who found inspiration through her.
I have a lot of issues, something which I have made no secret of on this blog, throughout my life I have been on a journey to self acceptance that still hasn't found its end. This journey is perhaps best epitomised by 'Greatest Love Of All' originally released as 'The Greatest Love Of All' in 1977 by George Benson it was 1985 that saw Whitney record and release her version. I regard Whitney's version as the definitive version, something which will happen again before the end of this post [Shhh spoilers] where her version surpassed the original. The lyrics to the song resonate with me, "Because the greatest love of all, Is happening to me, I found the greatest love of all, Inside of me, The greatest love of all, Is easy to achieve, Learning to love yourself, It is the greatest love of all" this sentiment, this message, and this belief are three things that I felt, heard, but did not accept for the longest time in my life. I would be lying if I said I completely accepted this belief now in my life, I am still growing and I have further to walk before that belief is felt within me, but the lyrics remain an aspiration to me.
Sticking with 1985, originally released in the same year was the track 'How Will I Know' which is an anthem of my life, not least of all because I have been in that position so many times much more than I care to admit, those I have touched on in previous posts are the tip of the iceberg. The lyrics, "There's a boy I know, he's the one I dream of, Looks into my eyes, takes me to the clouds above, Ooh I lose control, can't seem to get enough, When I wake from dreaming, tell me is it really love?" this perfectly reflects this mentality but the lyrics go on with the chorus "How will I know if he really loves me? I say a prayer with every heart beat, I fall in love whenever we meet" speaks volumes of the potency of love and how infatuation clouds your mind and that flood of emotions that overwhelms all logic and reason leaves you dazed and confused. These lyrics stemming from a song released early in Whitney's career reflect young love for me, from the time of innocence when you still don't really know what love is, when you can't tell if it's real.
And now we reach the moment I have alluded to in previous posts, Hex Hector features one last time on this list contributing a remix to the second disc of the album, 'I Will Always Love You' this song in its original incarnation is powerful, moving, but quite melancholy and given this version exists I wanted to feature it instead as it remains one of my favourite remixes of any artist and one of the best remixes that Hex Hector produced. 'I Will Always Love You' was originally written and recorded in 1973 by Dolly Parton and released in 1974 as part of her 'Jolene' album. Dolly didn't feature on this list, which might come as a surprise to most people but I only own a few tracks by her from her career, I don't own a complete Dolly Parton album, which again I know will come as a surprise to some people but I never really connected with Dolly's music the way I did with other artists. I will revisit her music in time to see if that has changed but beyond a few tracks over the years I wasn't an ardent fan. Even though Whitney's version of this track was not the original it remains the definitive version of this song for me, and many others. Released in 1992 as part of the soundtrack to 'The Bodyguard' - the best selling soundtrack of all time as Michelle Visage likes to remind us since she was in SOUL SYSTEM which features on the album as track 9 'It's Gonna Be a Lovely Day' he fact remains this moment of eclipse where a cover surpasses the original happens quite often in the music industry, and while I often defend the originals and hold them in higher regard, this is one case where there's no argument to be made, Whitney did it better.
The entire second disc of this album is perfection from start to finish I wouldn't change a thing about it, as for the first I have a few points of contention there are tracks I would swap but we will stick to the positives for now. The Thunderpuss remix of 'It's Not Right But It's Okay' stands out for me as another incredible remix, heavily incorporating EDM influences it takes a song that was already powerful and ramped it up even further. This track speaks to me in volumes for the lyrics "It's not right, But it's okay, I'm gonna make it anyway, Close the door behind you, Leave your key, I'd rather be alone than unhappy" this more than anything for that final line which I hold in great esteem, I'd rather be alone than unhappy, this is something I have already mentioned a few times in this list but it bears repeating, there's a distinction between being alone and being lonely, the latter is the longing for a connection, the former is a state of being which with time and patience and discipline you can learn to embrace. A lot of love songs like to borrow the metaphor of being one half of a whole and needing another to complete that whole, but the truth is self love can make you whole, something which most people never take the time to pursue. You don't need someone to complete you, compliment you perhaps but the idea that you need to be completed devalues your self worth. You are worth more than you give yourself credit for and I think these themes and the internal conflict that arises from these conflicting motives features quite a lot in Whitney's music and that's one of the reasons I love her because her music was always relatable.
'I Wanna Dance With Somebody', 'So Emotional', and 'My Love Is Your Love' all get a mention here because they speak to insecurities, and the domination of our thoughts by our emotions. From the first disc once more, 'One Moment In Time', 'Run To You', and 'Where Do Broken Hearts Go' get a mention here for articulating thoughts at times in my life when I couldn't find the words myself. There are however two tracks in particular I want to focus on, the first is 'Same Script Different Cast' a track that speaks of the frustration and the anger we feel when we see history repeat and we see others go through the same thing we went through. In those moments it can be tempting to confront those people and impart the wisdom we acquired, but wisdom is experience plus knowledge, and no matter how valuable that knowledge can be, without the experience the other person won't receive it.
The last song I want to touch on is a duet Whitney did with Enrique Iglesias who is hot as fuck, someone I have had a crush on ever since I laid eyes on him, he's quite literally part of the reason I knew I was gay. The track is called 'Could I Have This Kiss Forever' the lyrics of the second chorus "Could I hold you for a lifetime? Could I look into your eyes? Could I have this night to share this night together? (Un beso para siempre, para siempre)" made me feel happier than words can describe. I adore Enrique and I adore Whitney and when the two were combined it was almost too much to handle. Enrique is yet another driving force behind my desire to learn Spanish when I first set out to study the language. This track with its lyrics reflects the desire when you finally fall for someone to fall into their arms and kiss them and never let go.
When Whitney Houston died in 2012 she was one of the first celebrity deaths that I felt more than just sympathy for passing and felt a genuine sense of grief and loss. That feeling was something I didn't understand at the time, I didn't understand how you could be so attached to someone who you had never met, and feel so emotional about their passing, four years later when 2016 rolled around that feeling would intensify in a year when so many big names were lost, people who had been part of popular culture for as long as I could remember and I realised the reason we feel loss for people we have never met is because we project onto them a part of ourselves when we form that emotional connection and when they die we lose that part of ourselves for a time this is why we mourn. With time however we learn to remember them for who they were in life, and Whitney's music took on new meaning for me when this feeling finally took hold. I still listen to it now and I always will because it keeps the memory of her alive, all that she achieved and all that she meant to me and everyone who found inspiration through her.
How does a writer determine their success?
If you are a publisher your first instinct might be to say that sales determine the success of a writer. If they write a book and it sells well then they are a success, and if it doesn't sell then they are considered a failure. Others might argue that the success of a writer is not determined through sales but through reach, defined by the estimated or actual number of people who have read their work, there are plenty of ways both legal and illegal to freely access published works that would not contribute to sales, at least not in proportion to their reach, a library for example will buy a copy of a book that will be read by many different people.
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