In a recent article I talked about how weird it was to hear music from singers or see actors in TV shows who were now dead. I was watching another episode of Will and Grace when Will's nephew said "It's often very Valley Of The Dolls, oh, do you even get that reference?" to which Grace replies "Of course, it's from before you were even born" - this made me think about how old he actually was. The episode in question, 'The Mourning Son' from Season 8, was filmed in 2006 and was the 4th last episode of the entire show. The actor who played Jordan 'Jordie' Truman was Reed Alexander and he was 13 at the time. He's now 23 years old but it made me think, you see him in the show as a kid and that will never change since the people in videos don't age - imagine if they did.
No the point I was making is that recordings, whether they be audio or visual, capture a moment, which no matter how hard anyone tries can never be returned to nor can it be relived. You can recreate things, and indeed I've been told the BBC intends to make a new episode of 'Are You Being Served' which I spoke about in the above post. I'm not sure how I feel about that right now as there hasn't been much detail on the plot or the setting i.e. time and place. However hard you try to recreate these moments however you can never truly return to them. While I look back on parts of my life and remember them, I never recorded the events. It must be strange as a singer or an actor to be able to watch your life and revisit those moments. I know that anyone can record their lives on a camera but beyond the obsession with selfies how many people take actual videos of their lives as opposed to photos? Film is less forgiving than photos which you can filter and airbrush to your heart's content. Adding that kind of touch-up to video is a lot harder to do and most people don't have the time.
This is where you need to draw the line and ask yourself how realistic you want your memories to be? Nostalgia paints over the cracks in the paintings of our memories, we look back on our lives and we feel happier about our memories because the harshness of reality fades over time. Video remains to be something many people avoid because it is not forgiving. A video is as true as the day it was shot. Now it has to be said there are a lot of people on Youtube who document their lives, and while I do admit this is true I am very sceptical about how accurate or true those depictions are. I know for a fact several Youtubers who present the idea that it's "Just little old me here with my camera on my own doing all this work" when in reality they have a production team paid for by the talent network they are actually employed by; to that end there are also several Youtubers who openly admit they play a character on their main channels in vlogs they make on their second channels. If you never saw the second channel you'd have no idea the first was actually scripted.
There are also a lot of people on Vine, and while I also admit that Vine has done a lot for the medium to make it popular and make people embrace it, I do have to point out the majority of people on Vine have comedy centred accounts. Their content is intended to be funny and invariably that means the content is not true to life. It is played out, acted, as convincing or unconvincing as it may be in doing so.
On the note of popularity, you also have to address the issue that Youtube has over 1 billion users all of whom have channels by default connected to their accounts whether they upload anything or not. In spite of this 1 billion figure, the number of Youtubers who actually have over 1 million subscribers is just 1,861 at time of writing, this includes a number of virtual channels which display feeds like #Music. The number with over 10 million subscribers is just 48. Those represent approximately 0.0002% and 0.000005% Youtube's userbase respectively. So I don't think it's a reliable example of what can be considered true to life. Especially since many of the 48 people with over 10 million subscribers are actually music, gaming, or corporate channels for TV Shows etc and not vlogs or attempts to record someone's life. Of the 48 in the list I can only determine 5 that are actually vlogs.
Fear
Fear is a strange thing. It can paralyse you in an instant when it is aggressive, but when it is passive it can slow you down more and more until you stop moving entirely. When fear is passive it's not always obvious that it is holding you back. Fear is like a shadow that's cast behind you, when you aren't looking back you can't see it, all you can see is the light that you reach for and constantly wonder why you can't reach it.
Fear takes many forms but in its most primitive state it is ambiguous and formless. It's hidden. In that state it is at its most dangerous. We don't like to dwell on our fears or pay them head but if we don't we only leave it formless and limitless. If you want to conquer a fear you need to define it. You need to turn around and look at it. As you begin to observe it, your observations give it form and that vast limitless entity transforms into a quantifiable state. It is no longer limitless but defined clearly.
The fears that hold us back in life can be few or many, it all depends on what you as a person choose to acknowledge. The things we pretend don't exist are the things we fear the most and ultimately they control us. If you want to regain control then you need to acknowledge everything you are trying not to think about.
My biggest fears in life revolve around life, love, money, and happiness. I don't fear life itself, I fear being denied life. I am not talking about death in the physical sense here as I've been suicidal in my past and I've very much conquered that fear of death, when that comes I will accept it. What I fear in being denied life is metaphorical, to steal a quote "to live doesn't mean you're alive" - it is this that I fear. I don't want to just live and go through the motions, I want to feel alive. My fear with love is not a fear of love itself either, again it's a fear that I will never know true love. My romantic past can best be described as a train-wreck, the incidents and circumstance of this right now are irrelevant, what is relevant is that I fear I will die one day without ever knowing true love. With money again I don't fear money itself but the thought of a complete lack of it. I am unemployed and in search of work and as much as I try I can't find anything, that leaves me with the fear if I never find work I'm never going to be able to do anything I want to do in life. Happiness is the sum total of your life and how content you are with the figure that results. I'm not happy right now. There are many things in my life I want to change but right now all of those things are in the hands of other people and I hate that.
These are my fears. I've acknowledged some of them before but not all of them. I know it can be heartbreaking to think about someone's life in this way. I'm not asking for pity however, I'm sharing this because I don't believe I am alone. I don't believe I am the only one that feels this way. I don't believe that anyone out there no matter how good their life is, that there is nothing at all about their lives they would want to change. I think it's important to stop and take stock of your life every now and then because if you don't then you fall far too easily into the routine of life, to the point where you just go through the motions.
Fear takes many forms but in its most primitive state it is ambiguous and formless. It's hidden. In that state it is at its most dangerous. We don't like to dwell on our fears or pay them head but if we don't we only leave it formless and limitless. If you want to conquer a fear you need to define it. You need to turn around and look at it. As you begin to observe it, your observations give it form and that vast limitless entity transforms into a quantifiable state. It is no longer limitless but defined clearly.
The fears that hold us back in life can be few or many, it all depends on what you as a person choose to acknowledge. The things we pretend don't exist are the things we fear the most and ultimately they control us. If you want to regain control then you need to acknowledge everything you are trying not to think about.
My biggest fears in life revolve around life, love, money, and happiness. I don't fear life itself, I fear being denied life. I am not talking about death in the physical sense here as I've been suicidal in my past and I've very much conquered that fear of death, when that comes I will accept it. What I fear in being denied life is metaphorical, to steal a quote "to live doesn't mean you're alive" - it is this that I fear. I don't want to just live and go through the motions, I want to feel alive. My fear with love is not a fear of love itself either, again it's a fear that I will never know true love. My romantic past can best be described as a train-wreck, the incidents and circumstance of this right now are irrelevant, what is relevant is that I fear I will die one day without ever knowing true love. With money again I don't fear money itself but the thought of a complete lack of it. I am unemployed and in search of work and as much as I try I can't find anything, that leaves me with the fear if I never find work I'm never going to be able to do anything I want to do in life. Happiness is the sum total of your life and how content you are with the figure that results. I'm not happy right now. There are many things in my life I want to change but right now all of those things are in the hands of other people and I hate that.
These are my fears. I've acknowledged some of them before but not all of them. I know it can be heartbreaking to think about someone's life in this way. I'm not asking for pity however, I'm sharing this because I don't believe I am alone. I don't believe I am the only one that feels this way. I don't believe that anyone out there no matter how good their life is, that there is nothing at all about their lives they would want to change. I think it's important to stop and take stock of your life every now and then because if you don't then you fall far too easily into the routine of life, to the point where you just go through the motions.
"To live doesn't mean you're alive"
- Nicki Minaj
The Witness
I have an obsession at the moment. It's a little games called 'The Witness' and it was released for the PC and PS4 on 26th of January (2016). The game takes place on an island, which you explore as an unseen character. Throughout the island there are a series of puzzles you need to solve which all take the basic form of a tracing problem, where you have to trace a path from a circular starting point to a rounded end point. The first few puzzles are very simple but as the game progresses new dynamics are added which in turn make the puzzles increase in difficulty.
While the puzzle solving aspect in and of itself appeals to me, the thing I love about this game is the messages it conveys. You are an unseen character within the game, the closest you come to seeing yourself is in seeing your shadow. Beyond that one aspect of physical humanity, the game completely abandons physical form. There are no enemies and there are no threats to life, one cannot die nor can one take damage. The closest thing to other people you come is the reminders of humanity found in the sculptures scattered around the island. The game is for the most part silent, with only ambient environmental noise which creates a feeling of peace and tranquillity right from the start.
Read on if you do not mind spoilers, stop here if you would rather avoid them. What is discussed below is my interpretation of the game, influenced by gameplay, my own experience, the experience of others related to me, videos of gameplay watched, and comments made by the developers.
As the game progresses it becomes clearer that the puzzles and the problems the island present to you extend beyond the basic panel based puzzles you are first presented with. There are others scattered around the island that blend into the environment. These environmental puzzles can easily be missed at first but once you start to look for them they appear everywhere. In many ways the message the game conveys with this mechanic is simple - it's easy to miss what you aren't looking for. The game itself presents many mechanics such as this they guide the player into deeper thought. You might be starting to see why I like this game so much.
As you explore the island more and more, there are other things to find. Although initially silent, and although the player themselves remains a silent protagonist throughout the game, there are vocals to be found. Scattered around the island in not always obvious places there are recorders which can be played, each one with a quote, or a thought to contemplate. These are very Douglas Adams at time and nudge the player towards deeper thoughts contemplating life, the universe, and everything. Throughout the game these audio recordings elaborate on a recurring theme, that what is right and what is wrong can't always be asserted by what we know, that preconceptions are our greatest hindrance in the pursuit of universal truth.
Go further than this and hidden within the game there is yet another choice inclusion, this time a theatre which contains 6 movies that can be watched, unlockable through solving puzzles they vary in length from quite short to an hour long. These movies depict a range of views and a similar message for the player to contemplate. From spiritual almost new age reflections by Gangaji to a lecture by Richard Feynman on the nature of Scientific endeavour. The audio recordings also quote Feynman, Einstein, Nicholas of Cusa, among others. What is easily missed for those who do not grasp the message the game is purveying is the underlying nature of humanity that the game is trying to implore you to reflect upon.
From a reflection of religion and science, to the importance of mathematics, the inclusion of philosophy, and through many of the mechanics, none more so than the puzzles themselves, many psychological principles are highlighted through gameplay. Those that play this game and only see the puzzles and solve them in an effort to complete the game will completely miss the point of the game entirely - the developer of the game did a very good job of ensuring this would be the case, indeed those that complete the game looking for a dramatic or revelatory ending will be deeply disappointed and maybe left feeling cheated. That is okay however because if that's the way you interpreted this game then you did not play this game it played you. Something which again this game explicitly reinforces through an audio recording on the nature of control.
To this end you can argue there are 3 endings to this game, technically 4 if you count achieving 100% as an ending, even though it doesn't actually change the ending sequence, but let's include it nonetheless. The first ending is achievable by activating 7 lasers and completing the endgame. The second which I consider debatable would be to activate all lasers and complete everything. The third is the developer ending, which is unlockable at any time ether from the opening area by aligning the sun with the gate to create an environmental puzzle, or later in the game by reactivating the gate if you went through before doing that. The 4th ending is not an ending sequence within the game but rather a philosophical reflection on the nature of the game.
You can consider that "a load" if you want, and I would argue if you do then you will likely fall into the aforementioned category of gamers who were played by the game rather than being the one to play it. The name of the game in and of itself is a hint to this 4th philosophical ending. While many might dismiss the "Witness" part of the title as being simplistic in describing you as a player who somehow seeks to observe some event on the island which you never actually do in the end, there is another interpretation and it is one that fits much closer with the messages the game conveys. As the game touches on Science, Philosophy, Religion, Psychology, and Mathematics among others, it is worthwhile to stop and not that a "Witness" exists in Mathematics as a concept.
If you use Wikipedia to define this it states:
That truth is not something that the game itself quantifies, it is not unlockable within the game it is a state of mind and a realisation you must achieve through the realisation of the message. That word here is very important, 'realisation' in its truest form is to take something that does not exist and make it exist. The ending of this game in terms of the 4th ending is not something that exists yet within the game it is something you have to make exist. You can only do that through achieving Zen. The peace and tranquillity of the game is not an accident it is by design. The misdirection within the game is not an accident it is also by design and the recordings on the nature of Zen and its major schools reinforces this for you the player. In order to achieve that Zen state you need to either let go of preconceived notions - which can be done in the game as demonstrated by the environmental puzzles, these are designed to open your mind and break you away from the constraints imposed by the panel based puzzles. Or it can be achieved through deep rooted concentration and focus on a single set problem which again can be done in the game as demonstrated by the panel based puzzles themselves which incite deepening levels of concentration the more complex they become.
The realisation to be found from this 4th ending is something I can only guide you towards. I can't spell it out for you partly because it is something which language in and of itself is not entirely adept at doing, but also partly because the personal component has to be there. As akin to the nature of the game from the beginning you are not instructed in what to do you must discover everything yourself, there is no direction and the actual "game-play" is entirely assumed. What you can gain from this game if you open your mind is not something that you can be told it is something that you have to discover for yourself through self realisation.
This game has easily moved itself up my list of favourite games of all time and now rests inside the top 5. I won't say what position it holds but it is in there. It was well worth the wait and it is worth every penny.
While the puzzle solving aspect in and of itself appeals to me, the thing I love about this game is the messages it conveys. You are an unseen character within the game, the closest you come to seeing yourself is in seeing your shadow. Beyond that one aspect of physical humanity, the game completely abandons physical form. There are no enemies and there are no threats to life, one cannot die nor can one take damage. The closest thing to other people you come is the reminders of humanity found in the sculptures scattered around the island. The game is for the most part silent, with only ambient environmental noise which creates a feeling of peace and tranquillity right from the start.
Read on if you do not mind spoilers, stop here if you would rather avoid them. What is discussed below is my interpretation of the game, influenced by gameplay, my own experience, the experience of others related to me, videos of gameplay watched, and comments made by the developers.
As the game progresses it becomes clearer that the puzzles and the problems the island present to you extend beyond the basic panel based puzzles you are first presented with. There are others scattered around the island that blend into the environment. These environmental puzzles can easily be missed at first but once you start to look for them they appear everywhere. In many ways the message the game conveys with this mechanic is simple - it's easy to miss what you aren't looking for. The game itself presents many mechanics such as this they guide the player into deeper thought. You might be starting to see why I like this game so much.
As you explore the island more and more, there are other things to find. Although initially silent, and although the player themselves remains a silent protagonist throughout the game, there are vocals to be found. Scattered around the island in not always obvious places there are recorders which can be played, each one with a quote, or a thought to contemplate. These are very Douglas Adams at time and nudge the player towards deeper thoughts contemplating life, the universe, and everything. Throughout the game these audio recordings elaborate on a recurring theme, that what is right and what is wrong can't always be asserted by what we know, that preconceptions are our greatest hindrance in the pursuit of universal truth.
Go further than this and hidden within the game there is yet another choice inclusion, this time a theatre which contains 6 movies that can be watched, unlockable through solving puzzles they vary in length from quite short to an hour long. These movies depict a range of views and a similar message for the player to contemplate. From spiritual almost new age reflections by Gangaji to a lecture by Richard Feynman on the nature of Scientific endeavour. The audio recordings also quote Feynman, Einstein, Nicholas of Cusa, among others. What is easily missed for those who do not grasp the message the game is purveying is the underlying nature of humanity that the game is trying to implore you to reflect upon.
From a reflection of religion and science, to the importance of mathematics, the inclusion of philosophy, and through many of the mechanics, none more so than the puzzles themselves, many psychological principles are highlighted through gameplay. Those that play this game and only see the puzzles and solve them in an effort to complete the game will completely miss the point of the game entirely - the developer of the game did a very good job of ensuring this would be the case, indeed those that complete the game looking for a dramatic or revelatory ending will be deeply disappointed and maybe left feeling cheated. That is okay however because if that's the way you interpreted this game then you did not play this game it played you. Something which again this game explicitly reinforces through an audio recording on the nature of control.
To this end you can argue there are 3 endings to this game, technically 4 if you count achieving 100% as an ending, even though it doesn't actually change the ending sequence, but let's include it nonetheless. The first ending is achievable by activating 7 lasers and completing the endgame. The second which I consider debatable would be to activate all lasers and complete everything. The third is the developer ending, which is unlockable at any time ether from the opening area by aligning the sun with the gate to create an environmental puzzle, or later in the game by reactivating the gate if you went through before doing that. The 4th ending is not an ending sequence within the game but rather a philosophical reflection on the nature of the game.
You can consider that "a load" if you want, and I would argue if you do then you will likely fall into the aforementioned category of gamers who were played by the game rather than being the one to play it. The name of the game in and of itself is a hint to this 4th philosophical ending. While many might dismiss the "Witness" part of the title as being simplistic in describing you as a player who somehow seeks to observe some event on the island which you never actually do in the end, there is another interpretation and it is one that fits much closer with the messages the game conveys. As the game touches on Science, Philosophy, Religion, Psychology, and Mathematics among others, it is worthwhile to stop and not that a "Witness" exists in Mathematics as a concept.
If you use Wikipedia to define this it states:
"In mathematical logic, a witness is a specific value t to be substituted for variable x of an existential statement of the form ∃x φ(x) such that φ(t) is true."In plain English this says:
"There exists an 'x' which can be entered into a function, that will make that function evaluate to true"The function here in it's most basic form is the game itself. The entire game and its release and the playthrough by all gamers who played this game is an elaborate mathematical experiment to bring forth a proof that there exists a player that when inserted into the function of the game can extract truth. The developer ending codifies this through the representation of an unseen individual awakening from the game, they were quite literally inserted into the game, as a variable inserted into the function in an attempt to extract truth from the evaluation of the function - a search for truth through the game.
That truth is not something that the game itself quantifies, it is not unlockable within the game it is a state of mind and a realisation you must achieve through the realisation of the message. That word here is very important, 'realisation' in its truest form is to take something that does not exist and make it exist. The ending of this game in terms of the 4th ending is not something that exists yet within the game it is something you have to make exist. You can only do that through achieving Zen. The peace and tranquillity of the game is not an accident it is by design. The misdirection within the game is not an accident it is also by design and the recordings on the nature of Zen and its major schools reinforces this for you the player. In order to achieve that Zen state you need to either let go of preconceived notions - which can be done in the game as demonstrated by the environmental puzzles, these are designed to open your mind and break you away from the constraints imposed by the panel based puzzles. Or it can be achieved through deep rooted concentration and focus on a single set problem which again can be done in the game as demonstrated by the panel based puzzles themselves which incite deepening levels of concentration the more complex they become.
The realisation to be found from this 4th ending is something I can only guide you towards. I can't spell it out for you partly because it is something which language in and of itself is not entirely adept at doing, but also partly because the personal component has to be there. As akin to the nature of the game from the beginning you are not instructed in what to do you must discover everything yourself, there is no direction and the actual "game-play" is entirely assumed. What you can gain from this game if you open your mind is not something that you can be told it is something that you have to discover for yourself through self realisation.
This game has easily moved itself up my list of favourite games of all time and now rests inside the top 5. I won't say what position it holds but it is in there. It was well worth the wait and it is worth every penny.
I see dead people
...and hear them too.
In the UK there was a sitcom from the 1960s called 'Are You Being Served' which was very successful at the time, and even years later it was still revered by many and repeated on some channels. Even today you can still see it on some channels that show old TV programmes because of its popularity.
I used to watch re-reuns of the show when I was a kid and I quite liked it; so feeling nostalgic I decided to watch an old episode. It is still as funny as ever, it hasn't aged a day, and I still find the writing relevant despite how much the world has moved on in the last 50 years. In a way that's a reminder of how much of the world can change but social constructs and interactions remain relatively constant.
One thing that did strike me however was after watching the episode I took to Wikipedia to read a bit more about the show and indulge my nostalgic fever. Of the characters in the episode I watched all but one of the actors have now died. To be fair it was 50 years ago and the majority of the cast were relatively old at the time anyway but it still brought something home. In the summary box of the 22 headline actors that wikipedia lists only 6 are still alive, the other 16 have all passed. Of those 6 that remain, only 1 I would personally consider a main character, the rest I would consider to be recurring or minor characters of note.
Thinking about this however made me reflect on a strange fact. My generation, my parents, and to an extent my grandparents are the first generations that can actually say they can see and hear dead people. While they are not alive and they can not interact with them, we do live in an age where we can see them walk around and play out the scenes they acted in, we can hear them speak, we can hear them sing too in the case of singers, and in the case of comedians they can still make us laugh. I realise that paintings have existed for quite a bit longer so in terms of sight you could argue previous generations weren't so hard done by, however I would argue no matter how true the artist can depict a person, the depiction is never truly lifelike.
I also realise that photography has existed quite a bit longer too as did wax cylinders and other examples of capturing sound but I would argue with these they were such at the time that only those with considerable wealth had access. No, only the 3 generations I stated were the first really to have widespread access to technology that made this possible. What's even more poignant is that there's no way of telling who is alive and who is not without actually going and finding out through research. I can only imagine what people would have thought thousands of years ago, or hundreds even, if you were to say that you could let them see and hear people who were dead. Even today when you phrase it like that it takes a while for the reality to sink in. We have so much technology that has become so ubiquitous to us that provides us with things such as this. Like the fact you sit listening to music in the middle of a flight across the Atlantic and think about the reality of what you are doing - flying without wings half way around the world listening to the voice of someone recorded days, weeks, months, even years ago as if you were in the same room.
I can only begin to imagine what future generations will be able to do with the technology they are given. Maybe one day we will be able to upload a copy of our consciousness to a computer so that when we pass, our loved ones will be able to interact with it as if we were actually there - or maybe one day we will be able to extend our lives indefinitely through technology like that.
In the UK there was a sitcom from the 1960s called 'Are You Being Served' which was very successful at the time, and even years later it was still revered by many and repeated on some channels. Even today you can still see it on some channels that show old TV programmes because of its popularity.
I used to watch re-reuns of the show when I was a kid and I quite liked it; so feeling nostalgic I decided to watch an old episode. It is still as funny as ever, it hasn't aged a day, and I still find the writing relevant despite how much the world has moved on in the last 50 years. In a way that's a reminder of how much of the world can change but social constructs and interactions remain relatively constant.
One thing that did strike me however was after watching the episode I took to Wikipedia to read a bit more about the show and indulge my nostalgic fever. Of the characters in the episode I watched all but one of the actors have now died. To be fair it was 50 years ago and the majority of the cast were relatively old at the time anyway but it still brought something home. In the summary box of the 22 headline actors that wikipedia lists only 6 are still alive, the other 16 have all passed. Of those 6 that remain, only 1 I would personally consider a main character, the rest I would consider to be recurring or minor characters of note.
Thinking about this however made me reflect on a strange fact. My generation, my parents, and to an extent my grandparents are the first generations that can actually say they can see and hear dead people. While they are not alive and they can not interact with them, we do live in an age where we can see them walk around and play out the scenes they acted in, we can hear them speak, we can hear them sing too in the case of singers, and in the case of comedians they can still make us laugh. I realise that paintings have existed for quite a bit longer so in terms of sight you could argue previous generations weren't so hard done by, however I would argue no matter how true the artist can depict a person, the depiction is never truly lifelike.
I also realise that photography has existed quite a bit longer too as did wax cylinders and other examples of capturing sound but I would argue with these they were such at the time that only those with considerable wealth had access. No, only the 3 generations I stated were the first really to have widespread access to technology that made this possible. What's even more poignant is that there's no way of telling who is alive and who is not without actually going and finding out through research. I can only imagine what people would have thought thousands of years ago, or hundreds even, if you were to say that you could let them see and hear people who were dead. Even today when you phrase it like that it takes a while for the reality to sink in. We have so much technology that has become so ubiquitous to us that provides us with things such as this. Like the fact you sit listening to music in the middle of a flight across the Atlantic and think about the reality of what you are doing - flying without wings half way around the world listening to the voice of someone recorded days, weeks, months, even years ago as if you were in the same room.
I can only begin to imagine what future generations will be able to do with the technology they are given. Maybe one day we will be able to upload a copy of our consciousness to a computer so that when we pass, our loved ones will be able to interact with it as if we were actually there - or maybe one day we will be able to extend our lives indefinitely through technology like that.
Will And Grace
I've been binge watching old TV shows. One in particular - Will And Grace - and I've been thinking about it a lot. I've always been a fan of the show, much to the ridicule of some of my friends who consider it a stereotype and unrealistic depiction of gay life. I think in many ways Will And Grace wasn't very gay at all.
I wouldn't call it stereotypical because a lot of the stereotypes of gay men never actually surfaced in the show. That is possibly due to the fact it was essentially a "family" show - I hate using that term in this context as being exclusionary to gay people, but that is the best way I can describe it. For a show about a gay man and his best friend there's no gay sex at all, which although it doesn't have to be explicit, isn't even alluded to; the terms "Top" and "Bottom" are thrown about a few times and a few innuendos here and there but gay sex itself is never discussed. As for the romantic side of gay relationships, there are very few gay kisses on the show. I have not counted myself, but one forum post I found after a quick google lists 12 for a show with 194 episodes that's decidedly a miss.
Will And Grace, as a show I am more inclined to label as a sitcom that happened to have gay characters as opposed to it being a gay sitcom. Then again the actor who played Will, arguably the main character of the show, Eric McCormack, was in fact straight. It's interesting to note here that Sean Hayes who plays Jack is actually gay, and also interesting to note that in many ways Jack comes to overshadow Will throughout the series. Equally, Debra Messing who plays Grace was almost exclusively depicted as straight, and whilst being my favourite character between her and Will, she's also not the main female character to attract the focus of gay fans, that honour is reserved for Megan Mullally who played Karen. Karen for a start is sexually ambiguous, and her gender fluidity is also worthy of note as a number of times throughout the series it is made ambiguous. Karen's sexuality is played with throughout the series.
Jack and Karen very much steal the show, in my eyes because they are a truer representation of the LGBT community. Now it's important to note this is the first time in this post I have used that acronym - LGBT - because up until this point it was gay [male] oriented. It's also important to note that there will be hostility for calling Jack an accurate representation, indeed Sean Hayes did get quite a bit of hostility whilst acting in the series for what many people deemed a derogatory depiction. The problem with that however in my mind is that whether people like it or not, I've met quite a few gay guys who are the embodiment of Jack and even more who would never admit it.
Jack and Karen do much more than this however, in my opinion they are also the two characters on the show who develop the most. Will through the course of 8 seasons never really grows, the same is true for Grace, they end up in the finale behaving in the same way they always did. Jack however grows through the series and matures. He eventually has a relationship that lasts longer than 5 minutes and even gets a job that he's actually good at. Karen goes from a 2 dimensional character who has more money than sense, ironically, to a 3 dimensional woman with more sense than money. Jack and Karen swap places as provider and provided, but their dynamic remains the same even through their growth. Karen goes from a heartless shrew, to exhibiting genuine human emotion, even showing moments of maternal affection.
In terms of my favourite moments for each character there are many but if I had to pick then for Grace I would choose "Brothers, A Love Story" where she scolds Will for his hypocrisy, her defence of his sexuality as something he should not have to hide for any man. For Jack, undoubtedly his coming out scene from "Homo for the Holidays" - it is perhaps the most heartfelt scene Sean Hayes performed in the series, made even more ironic by the fact Hayes was a gay in a glass closet - he didn't actually come out as a gay man until years later, despite the fact pretty much everyone already knew - side note, Veronica Cartwright who played Jack's Mom, is an absolute legend. As for Karen, my favourite moment comes in "Stakin' Care of Business" when Grace locks her in the elevator because she would not give her a loan to expand her business, Karen then delivers a short speech which proves despite the projection of a bimbo she's actually quite intelligent and knows a thing or two about business - which in a way is demonstrative of her expertise at deception, something she got from her mother.
Picking my favourite moment for Will is actually pretty hard - not because there are a lot to choose from, but because I'm not that keen on him as a character. There are many facets to his personality and his behaviour that rub me the wrong way. In fact I'd go so far as to say my favourite moment for Will wouldn't be a happy moment but a sad one, from "Polk Defeats Truman" - Will seals a deal for Harlin and "trims the fat" by getting rid of all his clients who stood by him, only to be fired by Harlin soon after bringing him karmic retribution for his actions - another side note, Gary Grubbs who plays Harlin Polk is also an absolute legend.
From the cameos by Cher, Elton John, Janet Jackson, Jennifer Lopez, and James Earl Jones to name a few, through to the celebrities who played one-time parts, Camryn Manheim as Psychic Sue, Jack Black as Dr Isaac Hershberg, Glenn Close as Fannie Lieber, Ellen DeGeneres as Sister Louise, and Madonna as Liz to name a few - the show was not short of big names with even more to name.
Will And Grace remains one of my favourite TV Shows, even after all these years I still watch it and still notice things I didn't before, still enjoy watching episodes I've seen a thousand times before, and still turn to it when I'm feeling down or sick and just want to sit back and watch something to make me smile.
I wouldn't call it stereotypical because a lot of the stereotypes of gay men never actually surfaced in the show. That is possibly due to the fact it was essentially a "family" show - I hate using that term in this context as being exclusionary to gay people, but that is the best way I can describe it. For a show about a gay man and his best friend there's no gay sex at all, which although it doesn't have to be explicit, isn't even alluded to; the terms "Top" and "Bottom" are thrown about a few times and a few innuendos here and there but gay sex itself is never discussed. As for the romantic side of gay relationships, there are very few gay kisses on the show. I have not counted myself, but one forum post I found after a quick google lists 12 for a show with 194 episodes that's decidedly a miss.
Will And Grace, as a show I am more inclined to label as a sitcom that happened to have gay characters as opposed to it being a gay sitcom. Then again the actor who played Will, arguably the main character of the show, Eric McCormack, was in fact straight. It's interesting to note here that Sean Hayes who plays Jack is actually gay, and also interesting to note that in many ways Jack comes to overshadow Will throughout the series. Equally, Debra Messing who plays Grace was almost exclusively depicted as straight, and whilst being my favourite character between her and Will, she's also not the main female character to attract the focus of gay fans, that honour is reserved for Megan Mullally who played Karen. Karen for a start is sexually ambiguous, and her gender fluidity is also worthy of note as a number of times throughout the series it is made ambiguous. Karen's sexuality is played with throughout the series.
Jack and Karen very much steal the show, in my eyes because they are a truer representation of the LGBT community. Now it's important to note this is the first time in this post I have used that acronym - LGBT - because up until this point it was gay [male] oriented. It's also important to note that there will be hostility for calling Jack an accurate representation, indeed Sean Hayes did get quite a bit of hostility whilst acting in the series for what many people deemed a derogatory depiction. The problem with that however in my mind is that whether people like it or not, I've met quite a few gay guys who are the embodiment of Jack and even more who would never admit it.
Jack and Karen do much more than this however, in my opinion they are also the two characters on the show who develop the most. Will through the course of 8 seasons never really grows, the same is true for Grace, they end up in the finale behaving in the same way they always did. Jack however grows through the series and matures. He eventually has a relationship that lasts longer than 5 minutes and even gets a job that he's actually good at. Karen goes from a 2 dimensional character who has more money than sense, ironically, to a 3 dimensional woman with more sense than money. Jack and Karen swap places as provider and provided, but their dynamic remains the same even through their growth. Karen goes from a heartless shrew, to exhibiting genuine human emotion, even showing moments of maternal affection.
In terms of my favourite moments for each character there are many but if I had to pick then for Grace I would choose "Brothers, A Love Story" where she scolds Will for his hypocrisy, her defence of his sexuality as something he should not have to hide for any man. For Jack, undoubtedly his coming out scene from "Homo for the Holidays" - it is perhaps the most heartfelt scene Sean Hayes performed in the series, made even more ironic by the fact Hayes was a gay in a glass closet - he didn't actually come out as a gay man until years later, despite the fact pretty much everyone already knew - side note, Veronica Cartwright who played Jack's Mom, is an absolute legend. As for Karen, my favourite moment comes in "Stakin' Care of Business" when Grace locks her in the elevator because she would not give her a loan to expand her business, Karen then delivers a short speech which proves despite the projection of a bimbo she's actually quite intelligent and knows a thing or two about business - which in a way is demonstrative of her expertise at deception, something she got from her mother.
Picking my favourite moment for Will is actually pretty hard - not because there are a lot to choose from, but because I'm not that keen on him as a character. There are many facets to his personality and his behaviour that rub me the wrong way. In fact I'd go so far as to say my favourite moment for Will wouldn't be a happy moment but a sad one, from "Polk Defeats Truman" - Will seals a deal for Harlin and "trims the fat" by getting rid of all his clients who stood by him, only to be fired by Harlin soon after bringing him karmic retribution for his actions - another side note, Gary Grubbs who plays Harlin Polk is also an absolute legend.
From the cameos by Cher, Elton John, Janet Jackson, Jennifer Lopez, and James Earl Jones to name a few, through to the celebrities who played one-time parts, Camryn Manheim as Psychic Sue, Jack Black as Dr Isaac Hershberg, Glenn Close as Fannie Lieber, Ellen DeGeneres as Sister Louise, and Madonna as Liz to name a few - the show was not short of big names with even more to name.
Will And Grace remains one of my favourite TV Shows, even after all these years I still watch it and still notice things I didn't before, still enjoy watching episodes I've seen a thousand times before, and still turn to it when I'm feeling down or sick and just want to sit back and watch something to make me smile.
Depression
When I write, it's usually as a form of self therapy. It helps me articulate the thoughts inside my head. It also lets me say things without actually saying them out loud, which is sometimes a good thing because it's easier to write some things than to openly admit them. This post for example is something that is a lot easier to write than it is to say and a lot easier to put out there on a blog for complete strangers to read than it is to discuss with actual people.
Depression is something that I've had to fight in my life. I've gone through it a few times. I say a few, because in between those periods I have been what I would consider normal for me; some would argue that depression never actually goes away though, and I can see why some people look at it in that way. I'm not going to argue who is right on that for two reasons, first I don't have the energy, and second, I don't actually care who is right or wrong as far as that's concerned it doesn't change anything. I've been depressed for many reasons, some of which I have hinted at and some of which I have made no allusions to in my writing on this blog.
When I started this blog it was because I wanted to start fresh. I wanted to start with a clean slate and try and keep a positive spin on everything but that's proven very hard for me to do. Negativity has been something that I focus on in life and while many would say I am wrong to do that, the thing is, in my mind, negativity is a problem, and problems need to be resolved. If I can resolve the problems then I'll be left with nothing but positivity. That's been the way I've lived my life and it's worked for me this far. I know some people focus on the positives in life and never think of the negatives; the problem with that which I can see - again, me focusing on the negative - is that they live their lives in an almost complete state of denial, ignoring everything negative and when they do find them in a position where they have to deal, they can't handle it.
I've had people label me the grim reaper before, for the fact that I always look at the negative issues in any situation. I don't do it to bring people down, I do it to fill in the cracks in the foundation so you have something solid to build upon. I have an analytical mind, I look for the weak spots in things so I can make them stronger. Not everyone who gets to know me sees my outlook as something to fear. I've helped many people through some of the most difficult times in their lives because I've helped them resolve the things that brought them down. That's a double edged sword however because you inevitably become the person everyone comes to with their problems looking for help and support. While I give all I can and have so many through so much, when it comes to moments of weakness where I can't resolve my own problems, I fall.
It's in these moments that I become reclusive. I shut out the world and I don't want to speak to anyone. The only people that get anywhere near me in those moments are the people who either I know I can trust with my life, or people I know won't take any offense at all if I just up and say "Can you leave me alone?" - people who don't take that to mean "Never come back" but understand it to mean "I need space" and give me it, but come back to check on me, because I know they care. The people who take it personally or who never come back are people that I've said goodbye to in my life and I've never looked back. In the end I give much more than I get with people and the people I love who love me know this to be true. If I can help I will do all that I can to help you - this has been such a defining part of who I am that complete strangers have embraced me, opened to me, trusted me, and in a few cases even helped me.
Depression is often depicted as a dark cloud, as something hanging over you up in the air. That's partly true, it is a dark cloud but it's not floating up there in the sky. Depression is best described as the dark clouds descending until they envelope you in a dense dark fog that clouds your vision. Everyone has problems, everyone has ups and downs, good days and bad days - like the weather some days are clear and sunny and others are overcast. It's not accurate to consider depression a cloud in the sky because that makes it seem like it's just the inability to deal with your problems. That's not the case, it's much more than that. I can deal with a lot of shit, and for all the shit I have been through it's a miracle I can have good days at all. Depression is not just about having things that are hard to handle. You can have no problems in your life at all and still end up depressed.
I also really hate the people that say depression is just boredom. I don't even have the energy to get into how many things are wrong with that sentence right now, all I can say is anyone who says that has never been through depression or has a complete lack of understanding.
My dark clouds are starting to lift and I feel myself waking up again. Slowly things are getting easier to handle again.
Depression is something that I've had to fight in my life. I've gone through it a few times. I say a few, because in between those periods I have been what I would consider normal for me; some would argue that depression never actually goes away though, and I can see why some people look at it in that way. I'm not going to argue who is right on that for two reasons, first I don't have the energy, and second, I don't actually care who is right or wrong as far as that's concerned it doesn't change anything. I've been depressed for many reasons, some of which I have hinted at and some of which I have made no allusions to in my writing on this blog.
When I started this blog it was because I wanted to start fresh. I wanted to start with a clean slate and try and keep a positive spin on everything but that's proven very hard for me to do. Negativity has been something that I focus on in life and while many would say I am wrong to do that, the thing is, in my mind, negativity is a problem, and problems need to be resolved. If I can resolve the problems then I'll be left with nothing but positivity. That's been the way I've lived my life and it's worked for me this far. I know some people focus on the positives in life and never think of the negatives; the problem with that which I can see - again, me focusing on the negative - is that they live their lives in an almost complete state of denial, ignoring everything negative and when they do find them in a position where they have to deal, they can't handle it.
I've had people label me the grim reaper before, for the fact that I always look at the negative issues in any situation. I don't do it to bring people down, I do it to fill in the cracks in the foundation so you have something solid to build upon. I have an analytical mind, I look for the weak spots in things so I can make them stronger. Not everyone who gets to know me sees my outlook as something to fear. I've helped many people through some of the most difficult times in their lives because I've helped them resolve the things that brought them down. That's a double edged sword however because you inevitably become the person everyone comes to with their problems looking for help and support. While I give all I can and have so many through so much, when it comes to moments of weakness where I can't resolve my own problems, I fall.
It's in these moments that I become reclusive. I shut out the world and I don't want to speak to anyone. The only people that get anywhere near me in those moments are the people who either I know I can trust with my life, or people I know won't take any offense at all if I just up and say "Can you leave me alone?" - people who don't take that to mean "Never come back" but understand it to mean "I need space" and give me it, but come back to check on me, because I know they care. The people who take it personally or who never come back are people that I've said goodbye to in my life and I've never looked back. In the end I give much more than I get with people and the people I love who love me know this to be true. If I can help I will do all that I can to help you - this has been such a defining part of who I am that complete strangers have embraced me, opened to me, trusted me, and in a few cases even helped me.
Depression is often depicted as a dark cloud, as something hanging over you up in the air. That's partly true, it is a dark cloud but it's not floating up there in the sky. Depression is best described as the dark clouds descending until they envelope you in a dense dark fog that clouds your vision. Everyone has problems, everyone has ups and downs, good days and bad days - like the weather some days are clear and sunny and others are overcast. It's not accurate to consider depression a cloud in the sky because that makes it seem like it's just the inability to deal with your problems. That's not the case, it's much more than that. I can deal with a lot of shit, and for all the shit I have been through it's a miracle I can have good days at all. Depression is not just about having things that are hard to handle. You can have no problems in your life at all and still end up depressed.
I also really hate the people that say depression is just boredom. I don't even have the energy to get into how many things are wrong with that sentence right now, all I can say is anyone who says that has never been through depression or has a complete lack of understanding.
My dark clouds are starting to lift and I feel myself waking up again. Slowly things are getting easier to handle again.
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