Déjà vu

If you read my previous post you'll not be surprised to learn that I haven't been in a great place mentally for the past few days. I've been trying to make decisions about my future and where I want to go from here. In an attempt to understand where I am and how I got here I decided to look back at my journey. I have had several blogs over the years, all of which have been purged from the internet for various reasons, but I have backups of a few of them that were lucky to survive the hard drive crash a few years ago. The most popular of those blogs had over 600 posts when I took it down so there was quite a wealth of content to dive into.

Upon reflection I can honestly say that I have grown as a person for one simple reason, I hated what I read. It's not that any of it was particularly offensive or grating, far from it, most of it was quite benign, but that was part of the problem. I've always stressed the little things and let the big things take care of themselves, and my past writing really shows that. I didn't like what I read because most of it alluding to my daily struggles and although I am sure many people took comfort in knowing they weren't alone when they read it, for me looking back it just dredges up memories I would rather forget.

The Burden of Proof

I've been in two minds when it comes to just how much of this story I want to share but to be honest at this point I feel somewhat lost and unsure what to do. I don't expect a response to this post, I just wanted to put it out there into the Universe, if not for any other reason than maintaining my own sanity.

Almost a year ago I applied for a job and heard no reply; that's pretty standard as many job-seekers will tell you, the courtesy of a reply even a rejection seems to be something of a bygone era at this point. I originally thought nothing of this, it was just another application in a long line of applications that had been ignored. Then 5 months went by and out of nowhere I got an invitation for an interview. Now I know some places have backlogs but 5 months seems like quite the delay between a closing date and an invitation for an interview.

Steven has just signed in

The world has changed a lot in the last 20 years but one thing has remained constant and that is our desire to connect. In a recent post I wrote about the nostalgia for social media that actually served its purpose in creating social connections. I have thought about this a lot, the question of a world without social media and I've realised the emphasis on connections we form online today is very much public in nature. Whether you define that boundary as encompassing the world in its entirety of a limited subset of people from within it, the focus remains the same, to engage in a way that others can see.

In reflection I have come to realise that the death of platforms like MSN marked the point where this shift first occurred. In the days of MSN the emphasis was on one-to-one connections. You created an account and could add as many people as you liked but your conversations were one-to-one and private. Group conversations could be created but these were session based, ending when you closed the application requiring you to recreate them if you wanted to continue a conversation in a group. Despite the fact that apps like WhatsApp and Signal exist to fill the gap formed by the absence of the likes of MSN there is a fundamental difference between the two - you had to sign in to MSN. If you didn't sign in then you couldn't be reached, you weren't constantly connected available on demand.

From a distance

We are more connected today than we have ever been as a society. That level of interconnection comes with many benefits and many drawbacks. There's a lot to be said about the always-on state of the internet and the extent to which we make ourselves available to others but I feel those conversations have been somewhat exhausted in recent years.

The Covid-19 pandemic had many transformative impacts on society as a whole but I think the necessity of working from home and blurring of personal and professional boundaries brought significant attention to the need to division and distinction between the two.